


Cracker Jack Prize

by MrsWhozeewhatsis (OxfordCommaLover)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nightmares, Smut, past loss of a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-03-21 00:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 93
Words: 87,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OxfordCommaLover/pseuds/MrsWhozeewhatsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Myka Samuels was finally getting her life back together after several devastating losses, but it all changed when her boyfriend got possessed and tried to abduct her. Saved by the Winchesters, she soon learns she's more than she thought she was. Once she deals with her new circumstances, she finds herself falling for the brothers... BOTH brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the hopefully not-too-distant future when Dean no longer has the Mark of Cain and Castiel has his own grace back and can fly again. This is the first piece of fiction I've ever written, so I really need to hear feedback!  
> 9/22/15 - Nothing added or changed, just split it up into tiny chapters so it's easier to read. I think I saw some formatting issues that need to be fixed, so there might be more editing done to fix those in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much smut here, just wishful thinking. Smut in the second half!
> 
> I love getting feedback, so please please please please tell me what you like and what you don't like!

_Myka_

You were taking the lasagna out of the oven when you heard the doorbell ring. You yelled for Steve to come in while you finished setting the table and made a couple of nervous, last-minute adjustments to the kitchen table you had set. You and Steve had been dating for just a couple of months, but he was the first guy you’d had any interest in since the divorce. Unlike you, he knew what he was, what he wanted, and where he was going, and that felt truly refreshing. You knew it was too soon to be picturing grey hair and matching rocking chairs, but you had a thought that this could be serious. It didn’t hurt that he was good-looking, with conservatively styled blond hair, cornflower blue eyes, a strong jawline, and impeccable taste in everything. Steve had come from an affluent family, and it showed in everything from his well-manicured hands to his beautifully tailored suits. This was your first time cooking for him, and you wanted everything to be perfect.

“Hey, honey!” Steve said as he wrapped an arm around your waist and kissed you quickly. “I hope the wine I brought is all right.” He looked at you hopefully and smiled.

“I’m sure whatever you brought will be perfect!” you said, hoping against hope it actually was, since you wouldn’t know the difference between a merlot and a chardonnay. Personally, a good beer was more your taste. Well, you and Steve would have plenty of time for him to teach you about some of the finer things in life, right?

As you both ate dinner, he talked about his work at the bank, and you told him about your crazy day at the sheriff’s office, where you worked as a temp doing whatever needed to be done on any particular day. Just as you were about to serve dessert, your grandmother’s famous apple pie, you heard screams and sounds of a scuffle coming from outside the house. You and Steve both ran to the front window and looked outside to see what was happening. As you both peered into the night, the room filled with black smoke, and Steve started coughing and choking on it.

“Steve!” you cried, reaching for him to try and help him. Just as you put a hand on his shoulder, he abruptly stopped choking, and turned to you calmly, with an evil smirk you had never seen before. You looked up at his face, looking for the comforting eyes that had made you feel safe, and instead found nothing but inky black pools. With a blink, his eyes returned to normal, except with a cold steely glint you had never seen before. As you struggled to understand what you saw, your attention was forced away by the front door getting kicked open.

Before you knew what was happening, a wall of a man dressed in plaid and denim was standing in your foyer, and Steve suddenly had his arm around your neck and was pulling you backwards away from the door. You started to panic and fight, until Steve growled in your ear, “stop fighting or I’ll break your neck, _bitch_.”

As panic fully seized your brain, you barely comprehended the exchange between Steve and the intruder. Grasping for anything that approached sanity and failing, all you could think was how this guy dressed like your cousins who worked on a farm. You nearly giggled at the thought before what was being said slowly started to permeate your brain.

“Let her go, you black-eyed son of a bitch!” barked the Farm Boy.

“Take another step and you’ll enjoy the feel of her intestines wrapped around your neck, Winchester,” said Steve. _What did he just say??_

“You aren’t gonna hurt her. You need her. You bastards have been looking for her for months, and now you’re going to ruin all of that hard work just to take me out? I don’t think so. Let her go and let’s work this out man to man. Or do you need to hide behind a woman?”

Steve suddenly pushed you away from him and towards the kitchen. You stumbled, only to be caught by a second wall of plaid and denim. Your crazed mind registered his height before anything else, since he towered over even your own almost 6-foot frame. Farm Boy #2 steadied you as you heard Farm Boy #1 yell, “Sam! Get her out of here!”

Sam grabbed your hand and pulled you through the kitchen and out the back door. As you exited the house, you heard yelling in Latin, and then a crash. He led you around the house to the front, where a beautiful classic car was parked. He opened the back door, shoved you in, and told you to stay put. He rushed back towards the house, only to be met by Farm Boy #1 at the front door. As they talked, you looked them over. Farm Boy #1 was just a little taller than you, maybe 6’1” or so, bow-legged, with short, light brown hair, and the kind of face that really belonged in a fashion magazine, not in plaid and denim. Farm Boy #2, Sam, was much taller, at least 6’4”, with longer, shaggy brown hair, broad shoulders, and the longest legs you thought you’d ever seen. They talked for a second, and then both of them looked at you in the car. They both sighed and walked towards the car. Farm Boy #1 opened the door, and offered you a hand.

“I hate to make you go back in there, but can we talk inside? There’s a lot to discuss and I’d rather not do it on the street.” You nodded, dumbly, and allowed him to lead you back into the house, with Sam following. You were completely unprepared for what you saw in your living room.

In front of your couch, where your glass coffee table used to be, was Steve, with a broken leg from the coffee table sticking out of his chest. There was blood everywhere, but you barely noticed. All you saw was Steve. You rushed over to him, but stopped short, wanting to touch him, but you remembered the last words he ever said to you. _I’ll break your neck, bitch._ What the hell was going on?

Sam gently grasped your arm and led you into the kitchen, where the remains of your dinner were still sitting on the table. He guided you to a chair, and then he sat next to you, close enough to provide any comfort you might need, but far enough away to give you space. Farm Boy #1 paced around the room, looking out the windows while he talked. As he paced, you wondered why you had never thought bow-legged men were sexy before, then shook the thought from your head.

“My name’s Dean Winchester, and this is my brother Sam. I’m sorry about your friend in there, Micheala, but you need to know, that wasn’t your friend at the end. We don’t have a lot of time, so I’m just going to say this, and we’ll help you process it all later. Monsters are real, and one of them possessed your boyfriend out there. I tried to save him, but the demon wouldn’t let go, and, well, you saw what happened.” You looked at Sam, and then at Dean, unable to think about anything but your own confusion.

“How do you know my name? You said he’d been looking for me for months. Why would monsters be looking for me? None of this makes sense.” Sam gave you a pained look. You looked into his eyes, trying not to wonder what color they really were. Hazel? Green? Blue? All of the above?

“We’re not exactly sure, we just know that something big is happening, and you’re somehow in the middle of it,” he said. Dean interrupted, after making yet another lap around your kitchen.

“And we don’t have time to talk about this right here and right now. We’ve got to move. Sam, help her pack a bag, I’ll keep a watch out. We leave in five, unless they get here faster.”

Sam guided you through the living room, trying to stay between you and the bloody mess that used to be your boyfriend. You led him to your bedroom, where he helped you fill a duffle bag with clothes. You should have been embarrassed at a strange man helping you pack some fairly intimate items, but somehow there just wasn’t time for embarrassment. As you moved through the fog that had wrapped around your brain, you answered Sam’s questions. No, there were no medications or anything like that you needed, toiletries were all in the bathroom, laptop was downstairs, purse was near the laptop, jeans were in the dresser, sweaters were in the closet, etc. You watched him take a swift look around the room, and suddenly he grabbed all of your family pictures off of your nightstand and tossed them in the bag, as well.

“Any other pictures you might want around?” You shook your head no. He picked up the bag, and then paused, looking at you earnestly.

“If the house were on fire, is there anything else you would grab before you made a run for it?” You thought for just a second before nodding.

“In the kitchen,” you replied. He nodded, and you both headed downstairs. You steadfastly ignored the gore in the living room and made a beeline for the kitchen. You grabbed a couple of cookbooks from the cabinet by the stove and handed them to Sam. He looked at them, puzzled, but shrugged his shoulders and put them in the bag. Just then, Dean materialized behind Sam and said, “Okay, let’s go.”

As you walked through the living room one more time, you stopped for just a moment and looked down at Steve’s face. You tried not to think of the times you had kissed his lips or stroked his cheeks or thought about how you would feel if he told you he loved you. You swallowed hard as Sam gently grasped your elbow and led you out of the house. Sam tried to keep you from seeing, but you gasped when you noticed the body of your mailman lying in the bushes by your front gate. You guessed that explained the scuffle you heard.

“Yeah. Um, we kind of figured something was up when your mailman was hanging around at 9:00 at night,” Dean says, grinning sheepishly. He saw your look of horror as you stared at him and abruptly stopped smiling and turned toward the car. You got in and watched the home you grew up in fade into the distance.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The drive was a relatively short one, but it gave you time to think. You tried to study the men in the front seat, but it was too dark to get anything more than fleeting impressions in the headlights of passing cars. Every now and then, Dean looked back at you in the rear view mirror, his bright green eyes searching your face for something, but you didn’t know what. When Dean’s eyes were on the road, Sam would glance back at you with a tentative smile and furrowed brow. After a couple of minutes, you stopped trying to figure out your saviors, and let everything sink into your mind. You sat sideways on the seat and hugged your knees to your chest, going over the evening in your mind. Everything was going so well. You were finally getting your life back on track. You got over losing your parents. You got past the divorce and all the crap that had led up to it. You had made a new start with a new job in a new field that showed promise. True, it was a temp job doing filing and answering phones in a police station, but you liked it. You had learned a lot about how law enforcement worked, and the sheriff had even taught you how to shoot a gun. He said you were pretty good, too. A natural, he said. Of course, you suspected he may have been patronizing you a little since he was single. You weren’t interested in taking a dip in the company pool, though. All you knew was that law enforcement was as far away from libraries and dig sites and ancient languages as you could get. Nothing in the police station reminded you of your parents, so there was little chance of someone finding you crying in the supply room. Nothing on the firing range reminded you of stillborn babies and the look on your ex-husband’s face when you told him you couldn’t try again. You wouldn’t try again. All that was past, and here was a man who seemed to care about you. Well, until the end, at least _. I’ll break your neck, bitch._ Were you really that bad at judging people? Oh, no. Remember, monsters are real, and Steve was possessed.

A tear started to slide down your cheek, as the car came to a stop. You wiped the tear away as you looked around and realized you were in the parking lot of what you knew to be one of the cheaper motels in town. A thought about the dangers of going to a cheap motel with two strange men flitted through your head, but you dismissed it. Something told you this was right. This was safe. This was where you needed to be. More, this was where you were _supposed_ to be. Your gut had never led you wrong before, so trusting it now was easy. Sam helped you with your bag while Dean opened the door to one of the rooms. Dean flopped onto one of the beds, while you headed for the dingy couch. Sam set your bag on the other bed and collapsed into one of the chairs by the table. Sam asked you for your phone and laptop, which you handed over. You looked at him questioningly, and he explained that he was turning off anything that might give someone your location. You nodded and unlocked everything for him, as another tear slid down your cheek. You wiped it away so Sam wouldn’t see it, but apparently he did. Sam looked at you earnestly.

“Micheala, are you okay? That demon didn’t hurt you before we got there, did he?” Dean looked at you from across the room while you sniffled and wiped away the tears that were now flowing freely. You looked at Sam and Dean and tried to smile.

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s just all hitting me, that’s all. Huh. So, my boyfriend was possessed by a demon and almost killed me, so now I’m in a cheap motel with two models from the LL Bean catalogue. And I haven’t had a single drink, toke, or trip to make any of what I just said sound normal, that’s all.” You smiled and chuckled through the tears, and were somewhat pleased with yourself when the boys gave you pained smiles. You tried to smile at them reassuringly. “I’ll be ok, I think. Thanks. Perhaps a trip to the bathroom is in order, and then you can tell me what 60-year old Mailman Fred ever did to deserve what he got tonight, okay?”

Both boys chuckled, nodded and said okay as you got up and headed for the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

As you emerged from the bathroom, Sam was typing and staring at his laptop while Dean was sitting on the nearest bed drinking a beer. He waved one at you, which you took, thankfully. You sat down in the other chair at the table, and decided there was no good way to start, so you’d just jump in.

“So, why am I actually in a cheap motel room with two models out of _Field and Stream_ magazine instead of sitting in my living room, waiting for the police to come and ask me why little ole me murdered my mailman and boyfriend tonight? I mean, I’m grateful and all, but it still begs the question.” You took a long drink from your beer and desperately wished you hadn’t quit smoking all those years ago.

Sam looked at you almost helplessly and slowly said, “We don’t really know.” You looked back and forth at the two brothers, noticing not for the first time how similar they could be while managing to appear completely different. Sam was blushing furiously at your comment, and Dean was smirking away happily. While Dean seemed cleaner cut on the outside, with an almost military haircut to his light brown hair, Sam seemed less disciplined, with his shaggy locks almost hiding his hazel eyes. Yet, it was becoming obvious that Dean’s personality was a little rougher around the edges, with Sam being more empathetic and comforting. Once they recovered from your comment, though, both shared a look of mixed confusion and concern.

“Okay. Then tell me what you do know.” Dean got up under the guise of getting more beer from the fridge, so was turned away from you when he responded.

“Well, this morning, I was interrogating this demon, trying to find out what’s got them all excited lately. I mean, we’ve got demons doing very un-demon-like things lately, like spending time in libraries and looking up public records, all while leaving a trail of bodies behind that makes no sense. He finally spilled his guts,” Dean paused to give a wry chuckle and take a drink of his beer, “and said your name. He didn’t know _why_ they were looking for you, though, just that someone high up on the food chain wants you.” Dean sat back down without looking at you. You put your hand on his arm to stop him taking another drink, making him look up at you. When his eyes hit yours, you felt a jolt go through you, but you tried to ignore it.

“Just to be clear, you just said you interrogated a demon, right? Like cops do to perps?”

Dean looked a bit uncomfortable and tried to avoid your gaze. “Well, not _exactly_ like that…I mean, you know, it’s a freaking demon, but, yeah.” He looked up at you a little self-consciously.

You took this information in, rolled it around in your head for a second, and then said uncertainly, “Okay.” You smiled at Dean, hoping your smile looked more confident than it felt, and he suddenly smiled back at you. As his eyes sparkled at you, you couldn’t help but think you would be willing to do just about anything to make him smile like that again. Part of your brain put together Mailman Fred, Steve, and interrogating a demon and screamed at you in horror and alarm. _This man is dangerous!! He killed Fred, he killed Steve, and he interrogates demons? Get OUT!_ But your gut was calm. Your gut told you to stay put. So, you stayed put. Sam chuckled at Dean, took a swig of his own beer, and looked back at you.

“So, Micheala, do you have any idea why someone pretty high up on the demonic food chain would be interested in you?”

“First, please call me Myka. Micheala is such a mouthful.” Both men smiled and nodded. “Second, I can’t say that I’ve ever considered the needs and desires of any demon, much less one high up on the demonic food chain, as you put it. Can you give me a clue what kind of thing might interest a demon?” Sam and Dean looked at each other and shrugged.

“Unless you’re holding out on us and you’re really some kind of monster, we’ve got no clue. How about you tell us all about you, and we’ll let you know if anything pops.”

“Okay, well, here goes. The boring life of Myka Samuels. I’m 35 years old, divorced, no kids, I work as a temp at the local sheriff’s office doing filing and answering phones, I was dating a nice banker named Steve until he was possessed by a demon and tried to kill me, I live in the house my father grew up in, which is how I can afford a house on a temp’s salary, I’m a Sagittarius, I enjoy karaoke, long walks on the beach, and spending time in the kitchen cooking for people. Anything, yet?” Dean and Sam chuckled and each took a drink from their beers. Sam piped up, first.

“You work for the sheriff? Huh. That may be helpful somewhere down the road.”

Dean nodded and said, “It will be. Huh. Karaoke? Really?” He cocked an eyebrow at you, and then smiled and laughed when you playfully swatted his arm.

“I’ll have you know I can totally rock _Love is a Battlefield_!” You laughed with both of them for a moment before getting serious again, enjoying a moment of almost normalcy in the midst of this pure craziness. “So, nothing popping any red flags so far?” Both boys shook their heads.

Sam took a deep breath and said, “All right, then, let’s go deeper. Tell us about your family.”

“Well, I’m an only child of two only children, so there’s not a lot of family to speak of, really. My parents died a couple of years ago in a car accident, and my grandparents all passed when I was kid. I have some second cousins on my mom’s side who work a farm, but we’re not close. My mom was a librarian, and my dad was a theology professor with a doctorate in archeology, too. I spent most of my childhood either in libraries or dig sites. My parents are the reason I got interested in languages, and got my degree in linguistics. I focused on ancient languages so I could help my dad translate things he came across with his research into world religions and theology.” You suddenly realized that both boys were staring at you, their eyes wide. “What, did I spill some beer on my shirt or something? What?”

Sam and Dean looked at each other, and you could see the unspoken argument that passed between them, even though you had no idea what they were arguing about. All you knew was Sam was excited and Dean was saying no to whatever Sam thinking. Suddenly, Dean spit out, “No! She has a life, and she’s going back to it. Enough said.” Sam looked at you for a split second with what you almost thought was longing, but then he shut it down, sighed, and obviously decided to agree with Dean.

“Um, I hate to interrupt, but I’d like to have a say into my life, too, okay? Maybe let me decide whatever it is you two are thinking about?”

Sam looked at Dean with just the barest glimmer of hope, but Dean stood up and walked back over to the fridge while he said, “No. Not gonna happen. No. Drop it.” You realized you’d known the man for barely a couple of hours, but you already knew that he was done with whatever that argument was about. You were incredibly curious, but somehow you knew that pushing him wouldn’t get you anywhere. You decided to get back on track again, instead.

“So, besides whatever that was about, anything ringing any bells so far?” Sam shook his head and looked quizzical.

“Unless they want you for what you know? But Crowley is fluent in all that stuff, so I can’t see him needing a translator. And there haven’t been any prophets since Kevin….” Sam’s voice trailed off and both Sam and Dean suddenly looked pained.

“Should I ask who Crowley is? And prophets? And there’s a prophet named Kevin? I thought prophets were an Old Testament thing?” Dean took a deep breath.

“Crowley is the King of Hell, prophets aren’t just in the Old Testament, anymore, and Kevin was the most recent prophet, but he died a while back….” Dean’s voice trailed off as he pinched the bridge of his nose and winced. When he glanced at you, you could see the pain in his eyes. He shook his head as if to clear it. “Long story for another day. Back to you. So, you’ve never done anything with witchcraft, the occult, monsters, or anything like that before tonight, right?” You shook your head. “While your dad seems to have come close, I imagine his studying was all hypothetical, nothing in a real sense of the word?”

“Right. If Dad were here today and I told him a demon possessed my boyfriend, he’d have me in the loony bin before dinner time.”

Dean nodded. “What about your grandparents? Anything there?”

“All pretty boring, really. Farmers on one side, city folk on the other. My mom grew up on the farm, went to school to become a librarian, met my dad, and never went back. My dad grew up around here, like I said, his parents were a teacher and a plumber. Nothing of note, really. Dad got the archeology bug when he was little and his dad dug up some bones while doing a new construction job. When his father died leaving us to take care of my grandmother, he switched to teaching theology and started studying ancient religions. Really, there’s nothing.” Both boys looked stumped.

Sam turned back to his laptop, sighed, and said, “Well, I guess this is where research comes in. Myka, give me all the names and dates you can think of relating to you and your family, and we’ll see what we come up with.”

“Well, I’m wiped, so I’m heading to sleep. Myka, you take the bed your stuff is on, Sam, you grab the other bed, and I’ll take the couch.” Dean grabbed a pillow off of one of the beds and flopped onto the couch. It wasn’t more than five minutes later that you heard soft snoring coming from the couch.

You wrote down every name, birthdate, death date, and wedding date you could think of for Sam, and then told him you were ready for sleep, too. You opened your bag to get out something to sleep in and your toothbrush, only to see the books and pictures sitting on top. You sat down on the bed, and pulled each item out carefully, looking at each picture for a second before putting it down on the night stand. There was the picture of you and your mom in the kitchen with flour everywhere, your parents’ wedding picture, the picture of your grandmother helping you to walk when you were a toddler, and the one picture you wish you could have been able to leave behind: your wedding picture. You were over the divorce, and you didn’t mourn the relationship any more, but nobody takes pictures of babies who are born dead, so all you had left was the picture of the people who made those babies. Tucked behind that picture were pictures of ultrasounds, but they were too painful to look at. You could look at your own young and smiling face and remember. You didn’t need to see what was behind it.

You didn’t realize tears were falling down your cheeks again until Sam sat down on the bed next to you and put one of his hands on one of yours. “Hey, hey, hey, Myka. It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.” You turned and wrapped your arms around him, burying your head in his shoulder. He slowly put his arms around you and smoothed your hair, shushing and rocking you until you got quiet again. His arms were strong and muscled, and you felt this comforting warmth envelope you as he held you against his solid frame. When you finally got yourself together again, you pushed him away gently, and laughed at yourself for being such a sap.

“I’m seriously okay. Not that you could tell with me sobbing like a freaking kid all over you. Honestly, I’m not usually like this.” You wiped your face and tried to hide it, figuring that by now you had to be forty shades of red and you were lucky if you hadn’t gotten snot on his shirt.

Sam handed you a tissue from the box on the nightstand and said, “Hey. You’ve been through a _lot_ tonight. You’ve basically had your entire life turned upside down inside an hour. You have every right to cry. Frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken you this long. I’ve been watching you all night, waiting for you to completely come apart at the seams. Most people would be hiding in the closet babbling incoherently, by now. A few tears are nothing.”

You blew your nose and thanked him as he handed you another tissue. You leaned into his shoulder again and closed your eyes for just a moment. “And thank you for the hug. It helped.”

“Hey, no problem. And if you ever want to talk about anything, we’re right here.”

At that exact moment, Dean almost yelled something completely unintelligible and then rolled over onto his side, putting his back to the room. You and Sam looked at each other for a second, and then both burst into quiet giggles.

“Well, _I’m_ here for you tonight. Not sure where Dean is right now!” You both laughed again, and you pushed him off the bed.

“Go forth to your research, young man, and I shall prepareth myself for sleep-eth. Or something like that.” Sam headed back to the table with a smile, while you grabbed supplies from your bag and headed to the bathroom.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sam_

As he waited for the records web site to load, Sam looked over at Myka’s sleeping form. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something about her that intrigued him. For a civilian, she adjusted to the circumstances very well, to say the least. Some women would have argued against sharing a room with two strange men, but she just trusted them. She didn’t seem ignorant to the dangers, especially working in a police department, but there she was, sleeping in a cheap motel room with two men who could be mass murderers for all she knew. Not to mention that Dean had killed her boyfriend. Well, she could have seen it that way, but she didn’t. She could have freaked out at the idea of interrogating demons, but she didn’t. Sam studied her. Dark brown hair, with strands of grey already mixed into it, round face, full lips, generous curves hiding under her clothes, and the longest legs he’d ever seen. Although she was pretty, she wasn’t his type, at all. She was older than him, even if only by a couple of years, taller than most women, by several inches, and curvier than what usually attracted him. But something about those curves was making him rethink his type. And her eyes. They weren’t striking, at first, just a mix of blue and grey, until they had locked onto his, and he felt his heart jump.

Sam shook his head to clear it. _Get back to work, Winchester. You’re on a case. She’s the case. She could be a monster, or just a victim, but you don’t know right now. Stop mooning over a woman you just met and figure it out._


	5. Chapter 5

_Myka_

_You are in your kitchen, cooking dinner. Steve would be home from work, soon, and you want to have dinner ready when he gets there. You nearly trip over the two beautiful dogs at your feet, both hoping for crumbs to fall from the counter. You scold them both, and shoo them into the living room. Steve walks in, greets you warmly, and gives you a warm kiss hello. You lead him into the kitchen, and he sits down at the table while you set the food in front of him. He smiles up at you, and digs in._

_You sit down, and as you take your first bite, Steve looks at you and says, “So, honey, where’s the baby? Shouldn’t you have the baby down here where you can watch her?” You stop dead, fork halfway to your mouth._

_“What baby, Steve? There is no baby.” In your mind, you think, “there can’t BE a baby.”_

_“Of course, there’s a baby, Myka. There has to be a baby! It can’t be perfect without a baby! So, where did you put the baby? Is she sleeping in her crib?” He gets up and leaves the room while panic fills your mind. You slowly get up and follow him, afraid of what Steve will or won’t find._

_You get into the living room, but it’s not your living room anymore, it’s a nursery. There are baby clothes in piles everywhere, stuffed animals and toys on every surface, comforting pictures of Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin on the walls. You round the corner as you hear Steve call back to you, “where’s the baby, Myka? I can’t find her!”_

_Suddenly, you see Steve, laying on top of the crushed crib, a piece of the wooden crib sticking out through his chest. Blood is spattered on the walls and the pink bedding. Steve looks up at you from the floor and says, “Where’s the baby, Myka? WHERE’S THE BABY??”_

Suddenly, you felt warm hands shaking you and your eyes opened, tears streaming down your face. Sam was holding your shoulders, trying to wake you up. When he saw your eyes open, he crushed you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you and comforting you for the second time. This time, you were terrified, though, and you couldn’t get your heart to stop racing. You sobbed uncontrollably, trying not to say out loud what kept circling through your mind. _There can’t be a baby. There can’t be a baby._ _There can’t be a baby_ _._

Finally, your mind stopped circling when a new thought entered. _There’s no more Steve. Steve is dead. It’s okay that there is no baby because there is no Steve. It’s okay._ The thought of Steve being dead shouldn’t have calmed you, but it did.

You felt your heart slow as you finally started to calm down. Sam continued to hold you until your breathing returned to normal. He just kept repeating, “You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay.” When you could finally say the same to him, he slowly released you.

You smiled wryly as you wiped your face for the third time that night. “Seriously, dude. What is it about you that makes me weepy? I’ve cried more since I met you than I have in the past year.” You tried to chuckle, but it came out wrong.

Sam looked at you carefully with those dead gorgeous hazel eyes, _yes, I think they are hazel_ , before deciding to speak. “I thought maybe you were having a nightmare about what happened tonight, which is completely normal, but then you kept saying something…” Panic filled your mind as you looked up at Sam’s face. “…something like, ‘baby?’”

“Baby? What the heck? Just a stupid nightmare.” You desperately tried to hide your face so he wouldn’t see the lie you were giving him. “They never really make sense in a real world way, you know? You’re walking through your yard and suddenly you’re on Mars or something. I’m so sorry for bothering you. It’s been years since I had a whopper like that one.” You were lying, but you desperately hoped Sam didn’t notice. You had had a similar dream, albeit with a slightly different ending, just a few days before. And a few days before that. Ever since you’d gotten serious about Steve. But this had nothing to do with here and now. You shook yourself to clear your head, and tried to give Sam your best smile. “I’m fine, now. Really. Sorry to worry you.” You patted him on the shoulder and pushed him back to the table. “Now, go back to your research.”

Sam gave you a worried look as you blew your nose, but decided to let it pass. “Actually, since you’re awake, maybe you can help me. I think I found something, but I’m not sure it jibes with what you told me, so maybe I’m barking up the wrong family tree.” He sat down in the chair, and when you stood behind him to read over his shoulder, he pushed the screen up so you can see it better. You tried to ignore the expanse of well-muscled shoulders in front of you and focused on the screen.

You stared at the screen in complete disbelief.

This can’t be right.

You looked at the names and dates again and again. They all matched. The names, the dates, the places…they all matched.

“Sam, is that an adoption certificate?” You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Is that… _my_ adoption certificate?”

“I think so,” Sam replied, taking a deep breath, himself.

You and Sam spent another hour checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure what you were looking at was correct. It was. You were adopted. According to the records Sam found, you were abandoned as a baby at a local church, and your parents took you in and adopted you before you were even out of diapers. There was no mention of a birth mother, just the details about the church. Your family church. You both decided that the next step was heading to the church in the morning. With that, you both decided it was time to try for sleep again. You were a little nervous about possible nightmares, but more tired, and you passed out as soon as your head hit the pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

You woke up the next morning feeling very warm. Seriously warm. You opened your eyes a crack and your brain suddenly realized that you weren’t in your own bed in your own room in your own house. Memories of the night before flooded in. Steve. Dean. Sam. Adopted. You shifted a little, only to discover suddenly _why_ you were so warm. Wrapped around you was a gigantic Winchester.

You opened your eyes some more, squinting against the sunlight coming in through the window, and when your eyes finally adjusted, you saw Dean sitting at the table, grinning like an idiot, staring at you, with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You know, I took the couch so you wouldn’t have to share a bed with one of us. Tonight, I’m sleeping in a bed, and I don’t care who else is in it!” He stabbed a finger at the two of you for emphasis.

You covered your face and tried not to smile, but you ended up laughing, anyway. Your movement started to wake the sleeping brother, who momentarily pulled you closer to him, and then he suddenly pulled away and sat up. Dean gave Sam a look you didn’t quite understand, and suddenly Sam bolted off into the bathroom.

Dean shook his head and laughed as you tried to sit up and face the day. “I don’t know what happened last night, and I’m not sure I _want_ to know what happened last night. But whatever it was, it was totally worth the look on his face just now!”

You gave Dean a look that you hoped was stern, but turned into laughter, anyway. You looked at the other bed, which did look like someone had attempted to sleep in it.

“I don’t know what happened after the second time I tried to go to sleep, but I do know Sam was in that bed the last I remember.” You kept looking at the bed, trying to remember what might have happened to cause you to wake up covered in Winchester. Not that you necessarily minded waking up like that. Both brothers were heart-breakingly good looking, and obviously not afraid of anything, considering their line of work. Honestly, either brother would be a catch for any girl, though you had a feeling that neither brother could be caught easily.

Dean looked at you while you pondered the night before, and said, “The second time? You have a rough night?”

You looked down at your hands for a second before you replied. “Yeah. Had a nightmare. Something weird. Apparently I was even talking in my sleep. Sam had to wake me up before I made such a ruckus I woke you up.”

Dean gave you a sad smile and sighed. “Yeah, unfortunately, nightmares are common in our line of work.” He shook his head and waved at bags and cups sitting on the table. “Hungry? Want coffee? I tried to get a little bit of everything since I didn’t know what you’d want.”

Food sounded really good, so you picked out what suited you best, and dumped a pile of sugar and cream into one of the coffees. Dean chuckled at you, and said, “light and sweet, huh?”

Feeling flippant for the first time in 24 hours, you winked at him and replied, “Yup. Just like my men!” Dean’s eyes widened and then he gave out a laugh that took over his whole body. You smiled into your coffee and ignored the stirring in your heart Dean’s laughter caused.


	7. Chapter 7

Over breakfast, you told Dean what Sam had found the night before, and you talked about what you might find when you got to the church. Dean talked about aliases he and Sam might use to get officials to give up some information, which led to you asking him more about the work they do. By the time Sam was out of the shower, you had a basic understanding of their life. Hunters. Driving from place to place, credit card fraud, posing as law enforcement (“So _that’s_ why you said my job could come in handy!”), saving people, hunting things, the family business. Dean didn’t have much of a chance to explain the details, but he told you about their mother’s death, and how their dad raised them in the life. You could empathize with them a bit. You had spent much of your early childhood following your father to dig sites all over the world. It wasn’t until his father died that he had moved you and your mother into his mother’s house, and you got to be a regular kid. At least you got to be stable in high school, though. It sounded like the Winchesters didn’t get that luxury.

After you were all showered and dressed, you all headed out to the Impala. In the light of day, you could see that it was  _gorgeous_. It looked almost brand new. You didn’t know much about cars, but you knew that a car over 40 years old and used every day shouldn’t look or sound that good. Dean showed her off with pride, telling you all about things you didn’t understand until Sam stopped him and told him you needed to get moving. Dean looked put out for a second, until you assured him he could tell you all about it later. He smiled, then, as he opened the door for you to get in the back, and he was still smiling as he drove the car out of the lot.


	8. Chapter 8

_Dean_

While Sam and Myka were getting ready, Dean thought about the case. Well, that was how he was trying to think of it, not as thinking about this woman. She wasn’t the one night stand type, so there should be no thinking about her. He had even told Sam as much, too, before asking him what the hell he was thinking about when he slept with her. “It was just sleep, Dean. You should be thanking me for keeping her quiet while you slept.” She was a civilian, with a life to go back to, and she would go back to it if he had anything to say about it. She didn’t deserve a jerk like Dean Winchester, or even a good guy like his brother, playing with her heart while her life was a shambles. _You killed her freaking boyfriend, jackass. She’d never look at you twice, anyway._ But if she did… no. No way. Just because her smile made his heart jump and part of him was dying to hold those hips… no. _She’s a case. Solve the case and get out._


	9. Chapter 9

_Myka_

Once you got to the church, you convinced the brothers to let you lead, since you were the child in question. If you couldn’t get anything, then you’d let them do their thing. Just in case, they had dressed up in what they called their “Fed suits,” and you spent far too much time thinking about how good they looked in those suits. As the car pulled into a parking spot, you shook your head to clear it of what could only be described as sinful thoughts. You walked into the church and took a deep breath. You had been in this church a lot throughout your life. You were baptized here, you took your first communion here, you were married here, and you laid your parents to rest here. Although you had recently stopped being the type to be there every single Sunday, you were there at least a couple of times a year. You always loved the sanctuary and how peaceful it made you feel. You paused for a moment to look over the beautiful artwork on the ceilings and the stained glass windows, just as you always did. The boys shifted uncomfortably behind you, and you started moving again. You walked to the office, and greeted the grandmotherly secretary there warmly.

“Hi, Agnes! How are you doing today?” You gave her a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, Myka! It’s so nice to see you! And it’s not even Christmas!” You chuckled, knowing Agnes meant well.

“Nope, it’s a special day, I guess. I have a question for you. How long have you worked here at the church?”

“Oh, about 40 years, I guess. Been here all my working life. Served three pastors, you know!” Agnes beamed with pride.

“I thought so. Agnes, I need your help. I recently had a problem with my birth certificate, and when I requested the records, they sent me an adoption certificate. It says I was left here at the church and my parents took me in and adopted me. They never mentioned anything about this to me. Do you know anything about it?” Agnes looked stricken. She sat down behind her desk with a thud.

 “They made me promise not to tell.”

You sat down next to her, and that’s when Agnes noticed the two men behind you. You reassured her that they were friends and could be trusted.

“Who made you promise, Agnes? Was it my parents?” She nodded slowly.

 “They didn’t want you to know the story. They were afraid of what you might think if you knew. And they loved you more than life, Myka. They doted on you from the first moment they saw you. They just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Safe? Why would not knowing where I came from make me safe?”

Agnes looked at you nervously. “I was here when your birth mother brought you to the church. She was young and frightened, and she looked homeless. She wrapped you in a dirty blanket, and practically pushed you into my arms. She said she loved you, but you wouldn’t be safe with her. She said there were powers out there that would want you and she had to leave you if you stood a chance. I can only guess she meant a chance for a good life. She said you were a product of something that never should have been, and both sides would do anything to claim you. Those were her exact words. She said she wanted you to be named Micheala, because it’s a good, Christian name. Then, she said she wanted you to be given to a family that was good and educated so that if the worst happened, you would have a solid foundation from which to defend yourself.”

“Defend myself? From what?”

“I don’t know, my dear. Quite frankly, we just thought she was a bit mad, you know? That’s why your parents didn’t want you to know. They were afraid you’d think poorly of yourself if you knew your mother wasn’t right in the head. They didn’t want you to spend your life waiting for the men in the little white coats, you know what I mean?” Agnes chuckled a little at that, and you forced yourself to do the same to make her comfortable.

“Well, Agnes, you don’t have to worry about me like that. It’s good to know the truth, and I have no worries about my sanity, so you can relax. At least now I know why I got the paperwork I did. By any chance, do you know anything about my mother? Her name, maybe something about my father?”

Agnes shook her head. “She refused to say anything more. She said it was in your best interest that nobody know anything. She said if anyone knew, then it could be plucked from their minds, and you would be in danger. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Poor dear. Anyway, she left you with me and disappeared. I had never seen her before, and I never saw her again.”

You looked up at the brothers, and caught them looking at each other and having one of those silent conversations again. Dean caught you looking at him, and cleared his throat.

“Ma’am, can I ask you just one more question and then we’ll get out of your hair. Has anyone come around since that night to ask about Myka or about that night?”

Agnes pondered, and said, “Well, every now and again someone will come by asking about adoption records in general. I always send them to the courthouse and tell them everything they would need to know about any adoption would be in the official records. If they push, I always tell them I wouldn’t know anything, being just a secretary and all, and each pastor here has been good about keeping their lips zipped about such things. And I never told a soul, except your parents and Pastor Dennis, the pastor back then. He took it to the grave with him, and I’m guessing so did your parents, poor dear. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way, Myka.”

“It’s okay, Agnes. At least now I know the truth.”

After some small talk about the church and some mutual friends, you excused yourself and the brothers so Agnes could get back to work, and the three of you headed back to the Impala. Once you were out of the church parking lot, you heaved a sigh and said, “Well, that didn’t tell us a darn thing. We’re back to square one, I guess.”

“Not exactly,” Sam said. “We actually got a few tidbits that might mean something. ‘Both sides would do anything to claim you,’ and ‘a product of something that never should have been.’ Those are both pretty strong clues. Not to mention that anyone wanting to know could read minds. There aren’t a lot of beings that can do that. Demons can, sometimes, but not all the time. Most of your usual suspects, in fact, can’t read minds. It actually narrows the field quite a bit.”

Dean mumbled something, almost under his breath, but apparently loud enough for Sam to hear it and agree. You looked back and forth from brother to brother, watching their faces as they frowned.

“Well, are you going to share with the class, or is it a secret?”

Dean and Sam shared one of their unspoken conversations, and then Sam looked out the window and said, “Angels.”

“Angels.” You said. “Well, angels are good, right? Angels wouldn’t want to hurt me, so that’s a good thing, right?”

The silence in the car was almost deafening.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time you got back to the motel, you were up on the basics about angels. According to Dean, “Angels are dicks. Except one. He’s cool. Most of the time.”

What followed was a brief history of Castiel, the angel, and a wild glimpse into the lives of these men. You had a hard time thinking of them as boys after hearing about time spent in actual Hell, Leviathans, Purgatory, and a handful of other highlights that went completely over your head. He was an angel, then he was human, then he stole another angel’s grace, which faded fast or something, but he’d gotten his own grace back and was back at full power, now. Whatever that meant. None of it made sense, but you got the feeling this particular angel had been on both sides of the line between good and bad.

“The reason why I’m telling you all of this,” Dean said, “is because I don’t think this is our choice. This is _your_ choice. We trust Cas, but he’s an angel, and if angels do want a piece of you, then I can see how you might not want to trust one just on our say so. It’s your life, you have to decide if we call him or not.”

You looked squarely into Dean’s green eyes, ignoring the now-familiar jolt you seemed to feel every time you did it, and said, “Do _you_ trust him?”

“With my life. Many times. He’s family.”

“Then call him.”


	11. Chapter 11

After what sounded like the most ridiculous prayer you had ever heard, which actually included an address and room number, there was a sound like flapping wings, and a tall, slender man in a suit and a trench coat with messy, dark hair and the most arresting blue eyes you had ever seen appeared behind Dean. As Dean continued his ridiculous prayer, Castiel tapped him on the shoulder, and Dean nearly hit the ceiling, and yelled, “Damn it, Cas!” You started giggling, but managed to stifle it when Dean glared at you. Dean turned to the angel and said, “We think we need your help.”

While Dean told your tale of woe to Castiel, you sat down on the bed and listened, just in case there was something said that you had missed. So far, it seemed you had caught on to everything. When he was done, Castiel came over to you, sat down next to you, and peered at you for what seemed like minutes. You unconsciously held your breath, while the brightest and most intense blue eyes you had ever seen searched your face and seemed to delve into your very soul. You tried to study the angel a bit while he studied you, but his intensity was overwhelming. You felt yourself blushing as he took your hands in his, looked them over, and then brought his eyes back up to your face. Finally, he glanced at Dean, then at Sam, then spoke while continuing to look at you.

“I can’t be completely sure without touching her soul, but I do sense grace in her. I can feel her resonating, though it is faint. From the way you describe the mother, my guess would be the father was an angel, but again, I’d have to touch her soul to be sure. The mother could be anything basically human. I see no demon in her, and I assume you’ve done all the tests for other creatures. At worst, the mother could be a witch. The child of a witch and an angel would align with the story the mother told, and account for the lack of demon blood and fangs, etc.”

Sam and Dean looked a little guilty at the mention of “tests.”

“What kinds of tests are we talking about, here, guys? Spelling, algebra, what?”

Castiel looked at both men in amazement. “The Winchesters didn’t test the girl with the unknown parentage who has demons after her??”

Dean looked a little ruffled. “Hey, we called you as soon as we found out!”

“Guys, what do I have to do? Just tell me.”

Five minutes later you were in the bathroom with Dean, washing holy water, cleaning solution, and blood off of your arm. You hadn’t reacted to salt, silver, or iron, either. Dean bandaged up your arm and apologized profusely for having to cut you.

“It’s okay, big brother. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.” He still looked so guilty, though. You put a hand on one of his cheeks and kissed the other. He stiffened at the contact, mumbled something unintelligible, and left you in the bathroom alone.

When you emerged, all three men were looking at you with a pained expression on their face.

“Oh, God, what now. Do I have to stand on one foot and tap my nose with each index finger? Pat my head and rub my belly at the same time? Recite Chaucer in the original Old English?” When you got no response, you demanded, “What?? What’s going on?”

Sam stood up and walked over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. You looked up at him, thankful for your own ridiculous height, and wondered how intimidating he might be to mere mortals of normal stature.

“We think the only way to get a definitive answer is for Cas to touch your soul. Unfortunately, doing that is about the most physically painful thing a body can experience. Not to mention that it has to be done just right, almost delicately, or he could kill you. He did it to me once, and I almost passed out. He did it to a friend of ours, and he was off kilter for three days.”

Dean interjected at that point, “Yeah, but Bobby was a lot older than Myka is, and his liver was probably more than half shot by then! She’s strong, she can take it.” The look in his eyes told you he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

Your eyes moved from Sam to Dean to Castiel and back again. Sam sighed and almost whispered, “If you don’t want to, we will understand, and we’ll find some other way to figure this thing out. This is just the quickest way to get the answers we need. And the faster we know what we’re up against, the better we can defend you from it.”

You looked at the three again, and finally nodded. You grabbed hold of Sam’s hands and said, “I’m going to need your help, though. If this is going to be painful, I’m going to fight, and you’ll have to hold me down.” You looked over at Dean. “You better be there, too, hanging on to me with everything you’ve got, because I can’t guarantee I won’t try to brain one of you.”

Dean gave you a half smile and nodded.

“All right. So walk me through this.”

Castiel explained that he’d need you to sit or lie down, and he’d basically be reaching into your torso. You led Sam over to the bed and had him sit on the bed with his back to the headboard and his feet on the bed. You then sat down inside his legs, with your back to his chest. You wrapped his arms around your shoulders and under your chin, and grabbed onto his wrists with your hands. You felt the heat from his body melting into the tense muscles of your back, and you relaxed into him. You looked up at Dean and told him to grab your feet and push down on them like his life depended on it. He grabbed your ankles, and then Sam shifted so his legs were pinning your legs down, his feet between your legs. At that moment, Castiel pulled his belt from his pants and started towards you with it. You chuckled for a second, and Dean looked at you quizzically.

“If anyone took this out of context, I’d be considered the luckiest woman on the planet. Practically tied to a bed with three handsome men all over me!” Sam and Dean both gave a lighthearted huff and you saw a half smile pass over Dean’s lips. Castiel remained as serious as ever, though. He brought the belt to your mouth and told you to bite it. You did, and took a deep breath.

To call the experience merely painful was an understatement. However, what the three men in the room with you didn’t know was that you had labored with not one, but two stillborn babies, and not even an angel of the Lord reaching into your body and touching your very soul could compare to that.

When Castiel was done, you dropped the belt from your mouth, but Sam and Dean continued to hold you tightly. As you panted and waited for your heartbeat to slow, you were thankful for them both. Slowly, they both loosened their grip, until you were just sitting inside Sam’s arms. Dean moved over to the side of the other bed, leaned over, touching your arm, and asked you how you were doing.

You smiled at Dean, grabbing his hand with one of yours, and appreciated the concern radiating from him. “I’m okay, Dean. I’ve had worse. I’ll live.” You smile, not realizing what you just told them. You look up at Castiel. “So, what’s the verdict? Am I good? Am I evil? Does my very existence throw off the balance of power in the world?” You hoped the joke would lighten the mood, but it only gets half smiles from the Winchesters.

Castiel looked at you long and hard. “You are definitely a Nephilim, and as best as I can tell, you are also part witch. I felt angel grace and another great power within you. Your mother was most likely a very powerful witch, if my guess is correct. Your natural magical gift from your mother’s bloodline would be greatly enhanced by the grace you inherited from your father. If you were taught, I think you could be the most powerful human on the planet. Only full angels and demons could be more powerful, but you would be a great threat to them if you were properly educated, as well. As the Winchesters have proven for years, being more powerful doesn’t mean you’ll win every fight. And there’s a chance that you could even be more powerful than full angels and demons, depending on how your two sides interact. So, in short, yes. Your very existence could throw off the balance of power in the world, should you choose to exert yourself toward that end.”

Your jaw fell open while your eyes widened, and you found yourself hanging on to Dean’s hand and Sam’s arm as if you were going to fall.

“I was joking, Castiel.” The angel gave you a puzzled look.

“I was not joking, Myka.”

The conversation that followed flowed over you like a waterfall. Obviously, someone on Hell’s end knew about you, hence the demons coming after you. Castiel questioned why your natural Nephilim traits weren’t obvious, and talked about superhuman strength and something about your eyes. The best guess in the room was that the witch half was dampening the Nephilim half. Did Heaven know of your existence? Castiel wasn’t sure. He thought it might be possible, but hadn’t heard anything for himself. What could be done to protect you? Talk of tattoos, sigils, and warding followed, all of which sailed way over your head. Then, you heard Dean ask a question that stood out from all the rest.

“She’ll never be able to go back, will she?”

You looked at Dean, trying to pretend you didn’t know what he meant, but fearing that you did. You looked at the angel, now sitting next to you and Sam on the bed. He looked at you, and with the saddest eyes you thought you’d ever seen on a person, he quietly said, “No.

“She’ll be hunted. As long as someone knows of her existence and her potential, she’ll be hunted. Angels consider Nephilim abominations, so that alone is a major threat. If she learns how to use her power, and is able to unlock her Nephilim strength, she will be able to defend herself, but we don’t know what dangers doing that might bring. Like Sam with demon blood and you with the Mark of Cain, using her power might darken her soul. It might not, but we won’t know. Also, using her power might draw out those who wish her harm. They could be attracted to it like a moth to a flame. The more she defends herself, the more enemies she could attract. There are many questions we need to answer, but I can definitively say that she will never go back to the life she had before yesterday.”

You and the brothers all sat in stunned silence. Castiel stood up, and said something about returning to his other mission, when Dean stood up and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Do to her what you did to Sam and me. To our ribs. We’ll get her the tattoo for the rest, but do her ribs before you go so there’s at least one less worry before dinner time.”

Castiel looked at you apologetically. “This will hurt. Not like before, but it will hurt some.”

Sam tightened his grip on you again, as Castiel placed his palm in the middle of your chest. You felt a burning pain all through your ribs that made you hiss, but it was over almost as quickly as it began.

“Now you’ll be hidden from the angels, at least.” With the flutter of wings, he disappeared.


	12. Chapter 12

After Castiel left, you slowly separated yourself from Sam and Dean, even though that felt like the last thing you wanted to do. You moved to the foot of the bed, and let everything you were told spin in your head for a moment. Finally, you looked up at Dean.

“I have so many questions, but let me start with a relatively simple one: what did you have him do to my ribs?”

“It’s protection. He basically etched protection sigils on your ribs so angels won’t be able to find you. He did it for me and Sam a while back, which is why I always have to tell him where we are when we need him. Even he can’t find us if we don’t want him to.”

“Does this work for demons, too?”

“Demons can’t always find and track people like angels can, but no. We’ll have to outfit you with hex bags, and we need to stop by a tattoo parlor to get you some extra protection on that front.” You raised your eyebrows and looked back and forth at the two men.

 “Tattoo parlor?”

Both men pulled down the necks of their shirts, revealing what appeared to be a flaming pentagram tattooed just beneath their collarbone.

“It’s an anti-possession symbol. It keeps demons from possessing you,” Sam said. You slowly nodded and finally shrugged.

 “Okay. Got it. Kind of wishing they gave those out to everybody when you’re born, like a circumcision or a knitted cap and booties.” You half smiled and chuckled, getting a small smile out of both brothers.

Dean clapped his hands together while he stood up and said, “So, off to find the nearest tattoo parlor. Sam, fire up the laptop and see what we’ve got nearby.” Sam got up and headed over to the table. As he lifted up the screen, you stopped him.

“So, what, you all don’t think I know where a good tattoo parlor is?” Both of them looked at you with wide eyes again, and you smirked at them. “Maybe I’m not as white bread as I look, ok?” Dean looked you up and down, obviously wondering what tattoo you have, and more importantly, _where_ it might be, and gave you a slightly lascivious grin.

“Oh, really?” Dean quips. “Hmm. And here I thought you being the most powerful human on the planet was going to be the most interesting thing I learned about you today!” You both laughed, and Sam just rolled his eyes. “All right, Princess, get ready to go and we’ll head out to the tattoo place and pick up dinner. Sam, you do what you do best and learn all you can about Nephilim and witches. Specifically, see what you can find about natural-born witches and how likely they are to be from the North or the West of Oz, if you know what I mean. Just because we haven’t met a Glinda ourselves, doesn’t mean she’s not out there. Maybe this doesn’t have to be like the Mark. Maybe learning how to defend herself won’t make her go dark side.”


	13. Chapter 13

_Sam_

As Sam watched the Impala pull out of the parking lot, he forced his mind away from the feel of Myka pressed up against him. Her sitting in his arms had felt like the most natural thing in the world, even though it was for such a horrible reason. And waking up wrapped around her had felt so damn good. Seeing Dean sitting there had brought him down to earth pretty quick, though. He had hoped that some extra time in the shower taking care of the rather hard problem he had woken up with would solve his preoccupation for good. But then she just crawled into his lap, trusting him to help her deal with the excruciating pain of having an angel touch her soul. And what did she mean when she had told Dean that she had had worse pain? What could possibly be worse than having an angel touch your very soul? He felt like his heart was gripped in an icy fist at the thought. _But she’s a monster. If she goes dark side, you’ll have to kill her. Like Madison. And Ruby. And even if she doesn’t go dark side, what’s to stop her dying like Jess. Or Sarah. Just because Amelia made it out alive doesn’t mean Myka will. Let it go._


	14. Chapter 14

_Myka_

Once you’re in the car, more questions start to fill your head.

“Dean, what were you guys talking about when you mentioned a mark and, I think Castiel said demon blood?” Dean glanced at you, then sighed as his eyes returned to the road.

 “It’s nothing good. A long time ago, when I was in Hell, Sam got mixed up with a demon who was using him. She got him hooked on demon blood. It’s like a drug for humans. Sam can tell you the rest of the story, but that’s the long and short of it. As for the Mark of Cain, well, up until recently, that was my personal curse.” Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Myka, I did a lot of bad things when I had it that can’t ever be forgiven. It even turned me into a demon. Sam went through hell trying to get me back. It’s gone, now, but I caused a world of hurt I can’t ever fix.” He rubbed his forehead and seemed to refuse to look at you.

The look on his face made you want to grab him and hold him and tell him everything would be all right. You just kept looking at him, trying desperately to think of something to say, the silence stretching out for what felt like hours. Finally, you pulled up in front of the tattoo parlor, and Dean turned off the car. He got out of the car before you could stop him, so you jumped out and grabbed his arm as he headed for the parlor door. He looked at you, clearly afraid of what you were thinking and what you were about to do or say.

“Dean, I’ve known you for less than 24 hours, and I already trust you with my life.” Dean started to shake his head and interrupt, but you stopped him by grabbing his hand and holding it with both of your own. You did your best to look him in the eyes and hold his gaze. “The Mark of Cain sounds like a pretty bad spell to be under, and I’m guessing you did whatever you could to fight it every step of the way. The fact that you don’t have it now, means you won that fight, somehow. I know, just because you won the war doesn’t excuse you for all the lost battles, but I’m going to tell you right here and right now that I admire you just for fighting. Others might have let it consume them and enjoyed being an evil bastard, but you didn’t. You fought, and for that, I admire you.”

Dean stayed quiet, and just kept staring at you while an array of emotions flickered across his face. You could see the battle raging in his head, even though he didn’t say a word. Impulsively, you reached out to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Slowly, his arms slid around you until he was hugging you back. You stood like that for a long time, not caring that people were passing you on the street and staring. You rubbed his back, feeling how solid he was under his jacket, and felt the warmth of his body seep into you. You ignored the feeling of the stubble on his jaw against your cheek and neck, concentrating on just trying to make him feel… loved, maybe? No, that was ridiculous. Appreciated, maybe. You held him as long as he wanted you to, slowly pulling away as he did. You put your hands on either side of his face, making sure he was looking at you, and said, “Okay?”

His eyes dropped down for a second, then came back up to yours as he said, “Okay.”

“All right. Now let’s get me inked up!”


	15. Chapter 15

As you waited your turn on the table, you sat down next to Dean and eyed the artwork on the walls. You pointed out a couple to Dean that caught your eye, and you suddenly realized he was looking you over again. You tried to make light of it to hide the fact that you suddenly felt naked under his gaze.

“What? Did I sit in something? Is there spinach in my teeth? What?” Dean smiled, and just kept searching you with a playful glint in his eyes.

 “So, what was it? Drunken sorority night? You and the girls all went out and got tramp stamps? Or is it a rose, or a butterfly? And if it’s not a tramp stamp, I’m just _dying_ to know where.” He smirked at you and chuckled.

“It was not a drunken sorority night, I can tell you that. Sororities always gave me the creeps. I’ve never been down with the idea of paying to have friends.” You wrinkled your nose and smiled, knowing that what Dean was imagining, whether it was sororities or your tattoo, was far more exciting than reality. You almost hated to burst his bubble, so you decided to stretch it out a bit. “And I’m not going to give you what want so easily, though I will tell you it’s not a tramp stamp.” You stuck out your tongue and shuddered at the thought. Dean kept looking you up and down, and you tried to hide the shiver that went up and down your spine as you felt those candy apple green eyes search you, and watched his full lips do a little pout. Who has lips like that? Seriously?

 “So…not a tramp stamp, not a drunk thing, so it’s something you really wanted to be permanent. All right. So, tell me, do you regret it?”

You looked him square in the face and boldly told him, “No.” Dean nodded thoughtfully.

 “Hmmm. Honestly, you don’t seem like a rose on the butt or butterfly on the ankle type. So, that narrows the field a bit. Maybe on your chest?” He made a move like he was going to peek into your shirt, but you swatted his hand away.

“Nope.”

He looked playfully disappointed, and while he considered other placement ideas, you started to feel a bit warm as his eyes kept running up and down your body. Was it getting warm in there?

“On your neck, maybe?” He reached around to lift your hair off your neck and leaned over you to take a peek. You could swear you felt sparks where his fingers brushed against your skin, and suddenly you had goose bumps everywhere. You took a breath to settle your heart, which had suddenly skipped a beat, and as he backed away again, you cleared your throat.

“Nope.” You tried to smile playfully, so he wouldn’t realize what he just did to you. You let your eyes linger on his face a moment too long, noticing the spray of freckles on his cheeks and over his nose. Maybe this game wasn’t such a good idea. You decided to finish it before things got awkward.

You held out your left hand, and splayed your fingers so he could see their sides. He looked at your hand quizzically, not seeing it at first, then he suddenly noticed the subtle pigment change on the side of your middle finger. In white ink, almost imperceptible against your pale skin, on the side of your finger where you could see it whenever you needed to, were two words: _Fail better._

“Fail better?” Dean held your hand, running a finger over the lettering, and looked up at your face. “I don’t get it.” You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the feeling his finger brushing against yours was causing in your stomach.

“It’s a Beckett quote. _‘Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better._ ’ I got it after my divorce. I really wanted to crawl into a ball and never leave the house again, but I had to. I had to get back on my feet and try again. Whenever I have a hard day, and I feel like I’m failing at everything, I see these words, permanently etched into my skin, reminding me that failure isn’t a reason to stop trying. I’ll fail again, because I’m not perfect. What I need to ensure is that each failure is at least better than the last one.”

Dean smiled at you and nodded silently, almost seeming to be entranced. Just then the artist called your name and you and Dean headed back to the table. There was a long talk about placement of the tattoo after Dean showed the artist his own tattoo. You thankfully didn’t have to have your tattoo emblazoned on your chest (which, you joked, would seriously impact your social life, not to mention what little fashion sense you had), but that left a lot of other options. You explained that it couldn’t show over regular clothes because of your job (not that you could go back to your job, but that was a concern for another day), so the artist suggested the inside of your hip, which would be covered even by a bathing suit if you didn’t go string bikini. The idea of wearing a string bikini made you laugh so hard you nearly fell off the table. Not that you had ever had any, but your string bikini days were well behind you. Completely forgetting that Dean was there watching the conversation, you pulled down your jeans just far enough to show the artist the stretch marks that resided on your lower abdomen and spread to your hip bone. Your doctor had told you that there were ways to reduce the scars left by your pregnancies, but you were almost loathe to lose them. They were battle scars that you were almost proud to have. At the last moment, you realized Dean was watching, and managed to hide the other two tiny tattoos you had gotten before the divorce. One for each child. You quickly decided on the upper curve of your hip on your side, so it would be hidden by a bathing suit, but not impact your ability to actually sit while it healed, and hoped Dean hadn’t noticed too much.

“Hey, would you do me a favor and let me squeeze your hand if it hurts?”

He looked down at you for a second, not seeming to understand, and then quickly grabbed a chair and sat next to you, holding your hand. You got comfortable on the table, and closed your eyes while the artist did his work.


	16. Chapter 16

_Dean_

While the tattoo artist was working on Myka’s hip, Dean just stared at her, in complete awe. He all but admitted to being a cold-blooded killer when he had the Mark, and she hugged him. And that hug… it felt like she was trying to heal every wound he had. Every time she touched him, something in him responded, like she was some kind of magnet. Seeing Sam draped all over her in bed that morning had made him want to wake his brother up with a knuckle sandwich. Watching her crawl into Sam’s lap so easily this afternoon had effectively removed all the oxygen from the room. Holding her hand right now, looking at her bare hip and her face, her eyes closed, wincing occasionally, he just wanted to stay there forever. He had noticed the stretch marks, and he knew what they meant. Lisa had had some from Ben. Not as many as Myka, but every mother was different. He used to pay special attention to Lisa’s, even though she hated them, because they were proof that she had done this miraculous thing. But Myka had said she had no kids. Dean doubted she had lied about it, which meant something bad had happened. Something really bad had taken a child from her, and yet she was still standing. He resisted the urge to move the lock of hair that had fallen into her face. Cas said she was so powerful she could affect the balance of power in the freaking world. If she went dark side, he’d have to kill her. If she was killable. The thought of killing her made his stomach turn. Everything about her was so freaking positive, down to the freaking tattoo she got. But look at what the Mark had done to him. Anyone could go dark side. Dean needed to stop thinking of her as this incredible woman and start thinking of her as what she was: dangerous.


	17. Chapter 17

_Myka_

What seemed like a mere few moments later, you jumped off of the table with aftercare instructions in your hand and Dean trailing behind you. As you got into the Impala, Dean asked if you were hungry, and you realized that you were famished. You gave him directions to your favorite dive, and he turned the car into the street. When you pulled up, you looked at the place lovingly, pretended you were Vanna White showing off a new puzzle, and excitedly explained to Dean that this place makes the best burgers and pie in town.

“Did you just say pie?” Dean gave you the biggest smile you had ever seen and his eyes lit up like a little kid’s at Christmas. “Love me some pie!”

“Yes, sir, I did! Their apple pie is even better than mine, and I don’t say that lightly!” You led him into the restaurant and up to the counter. You peered at the menu, though you already knew what you wanted. “Forget the diet tonight, I need comfort food. Give me a double bacon cheeseburger, cheese fries, a cookie milkshake, and a piece of your apple pie to go, please!”

Dean stared at you with a smile for a second, and then said to the kid behind the counter, “Make that two, but how about you just throw the whole pie in?” You looked at him incredulously, and he shrugged his shoulders. “What? I like pie!”

He put in an order for Sam, tossed some money to cover the bill, and followed you to a table while you waited for your food to be ready. He stared at your face for just long enough that you started to squirm in your seat.

“Honestly, if I have something on my face, just tell me, okay?” You chuckled, as he shook his head and looked away.

“No, no, no, it’s nothing like that. I just don’t get you. You’re a freaking librarian, with a pain threshold to rival mine, and you eat like a trucker. You’ve not only had serious curveballs thrown at you over the past day, but your entire world view has shifted, yet you’re sitting here, smiling about pie. I’ve seen your scars, I’ve seen your tears, and I know there’s more to you that I don’t know, and yet you’re still standing. I talk about Hell, Purgatory, demons, witches, angels…and you just soak it in and move on. I’m waiting for you to tell me that you’re secretly a ninja or something.” You chuckled a little and got quiet, but gave him a little smile.

 “Nope, not a ninja. But I do know how to shoot a gun. Does that count toward something?”

Dean laughed, and before he could respond, your order was up.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam looked grateful that you had returned, and even more grateful for the food. You all were quiet while you dug in, and you noticed Sam smile and shake his head when he saw your food. After you were done eating, you sat back and wondered if you’d be able to stay awake much longer.

“Comfort food coma starts in 3…2…1….” You slid down the chair until your head rested on the back, and you pretended to snore. Dean laughed and smacked your knee to wake you up.

 “Not just yet, Princess. Something tells me Sam has found something we need to talk about.”

Sam cleared the table of the food containers and put the remaining pie in the refrigerator. “Well, I didn’t find much about Nephilim, as I suspected. Heaven really frowns on angels and humans being together, if you know what I mean. Also, I know from talking with Cas in the past that angels don’t feel things like emotions and physical sensations the same way or to the same degree that humans do, so I imagine an angel having sex with a human is pretty rare. Add into it precautions taken to prevent pregnancy when romance does happen, and the rarity of Nephilim babies is understandable. What I haven’t been able to discover is why angels would consider a Nephilim an abomination, unless it’s just because they are the product of a relationship that is strictly forbidden.

“In better news, I did find reports of natural born ‘good’ witches. They are few and far between, though. From what I can tell, if you are born to good witches, your natural gift will be with white magic. If you are born to bad witches, for lack of a better phrase, your natural talent will be with black magic. Changing sides is actually very common, but more white witches go dark than dark witches go light. Black magic is far more powerful than white magic, so it draws a good witch down pretty quickly. Conversely, if a witch wants to switch from black magic to white magic, it’s harder to do because she’s fighting against the current of her own powers.” Your head was starting to swim, so you motioned for Sam to stop for a moment.

 “Let me get this straight. So, let’s say I’m a product of dark magic. As long as I practice only white magic, I can stay good, but I would be constantly fighting my natural inclination toward dark magic. It would be like me trying to be a vegetarian. I could do it, but it would be a constant fight because I seriously love a good burger, and every now and then my body just craves one, you know? But if I’m a product of good magic, then as long as I don’t stray from the path, I should be okay. Add the Nephilim half of me into the equation, and if I’m from dark magic, then I’m a seriously scary bitch, because Castiel said the grace probably increases the power of the witch half of me. But if I’m from good magic, then I’m freaking awesome and just have to make sure not to let it all go to my head or I’ll… turn into a… seriously… scary… bitch.” You paused. “Oh, crap. Ain’t nothing about this gonna be easy, is it?” You sighed.

Both brothers looked at you and sighed right along with you. Dean scrunched his face a little and finally decided to speak.

“There’s something else to think about. Cas said you’d be a magnet for anything and everything that wants power. Even if you do everything you can to stay good, you’re going to be fighting everything off. Forever.” You looked at Dean seriously, blinked, and then did your best to get a twinkle in your eye to lighten the mood.

 “Dude. That is the most _depressing_ thing I have _ever_ heard! Thanks!” You forced a laugh, gave Dean a playful smack on the arm, and did your best to make them laugh, too. “All right, I think that’s about as much info as I can handle tonight. If that’s all you’ve got, Sam, then I think I need to hit the hay. You guys take the beds tonight, I’ll take the couch, since Dean had it last night and Sam was up all night babysitting me.” They both started to argue, and you shut them down with a “Bzzt!” and a shaking finger. “No arguments. I’m a big girl, I don’t need to be coddled.” Both men glared at you, but nodded. “Good.”

By the time you left the bathroom after getting changed and doing your nightly routine, Sam was already passed out on the bed you two had shared the night before, and Dean was watching TV from the other bed. You gave him a half-hearted salute, and collapsed on the couch, scrunching the pillow under your head, and burrowing under the blanket.


	19. Chapter 19

_Dean_

Dean pretended to watch TV while Myka passed out on the couch, but he was actually thinking about what Sam had said, and her reaction to it. Her going dark side wasn’t just possible, it was very likely. Fighting for your life every damn day makes even the most positive person hard and bitter, and he should know. He looked at the peaceful face of the woman sleeping on the other side of the room, and tried to imagine it filled with darkness and hate, and just couldn’t do it. As he watched her, he noticed her face wince in pain. She whimpered, and turned over, burying her face in her pillow. He kept watching her, hoping she would settle, but it only got worse. Before he knew what he was doing, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to his bed. He turned off the TV, plunging the room into darkness, crawled into the bed next to her, and covered them both with the blanket. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back against his front. She whimpered once more, so he quietly shushed her, brushing hair out of her face. Slowly, the tension in her body released and she relaxed into him. As he drifted off to sleep, he ignored the alarm bells ringing in his head.


	20. Chapter 20

_Myka_

As you slowly began to wake up the next morning, your head was filled with faint memories of dreams about blue eyed angels, green eyed brothers, and other shapes and forms that never fully coalesced, but terrified you, nonetheless. You sent a quick thank you heaven-wards for no nightmares about babies, before you remembered that you now know the face belonging to the being that is probably hearing that prayer. Whoops. You tried to move, but you suddenly realized that you were trapped under an arm, one of your arms was draped over a broad cotton-covered chest, and one of your legs was thrown over a leg that wasn’t yours. You lifted your head and pulled your leg over to join its mate, then looked up to see Dean smirking down at you. You raised one eyebrow, squinted at his face, realized that you weren’t on the couch anymore, closed your eyes, and buried your face in his shirt.

“What. The. Freaking. Hell?? Am I completely incapable of sleeping by myself with you two around?” Dean chuckled, and you lifted your head and looked at him. “I know for damn sure I was on the couch when I went to sleep last night. What happened??”

“Well, you and Sam passed out pretty quick, but I was up for a while watching TV and trying to clear my head. About an hour after you sacked out, you started having a nightmare or something. I figured if what Sam did last night helped, then tonight it was my turn.” Dean shrugged. “Since there was no way we were both fitting on the couch, I brought you over here, and you settled down pretty quick. No biggie. Honest.”

You groaned, and buried your face again. “Well, thank you. I feel like a child. Can’t sleep by myself without having night terrors.” You lifted your head and looked at his face again. “I swear, someday, I will grow up and be able to sleep all by myself, without a night light or anything!” Dean chuckled and rubbed your back with the arm he had wrapped around you. “Hey. Your eyes are pretty wide open. How long have you been awake and just watching me sleep like a creeper?” You squinted your eyes and tried to look suspicious.

Dean laughed one of those big laughs that makes you smile. “A while, but it’s okay. Sammy woke me up coming out of the shower after his run. He gave me what for about sleeping with you after the hard time I gave him yesterday.” Dean winked at you. “I think he was jealous or something. Doesn’t want to share.” You chuckled.

 “Uh huh. Yeah right. Cuz I’m such a catch. I’m an old lady with wrinkles and grey hair and love handles and cellulite who’s wanted by every baddie in the freaking universe for something I don’t even understand. Yup. I can totally see him being in love!” You rolled your eyes, patted his chest, and chuckled as you sat up and climbed out of bed. As you walked to the bathroom, you stretched, and listened to all the different parts of you snap, crackle, and pop. With your hands still up in the air, you struck a pose with your leg out to the side, gave your butt a little wiggle, and said, “Oh yeah. Creaky joints are se-eh-ex-y!” You heard Dean laugh as you shut the bathroom door behind you.


	21. Chapter 21

_Sam_

Waking up from an intense dream about a certain Nephilim to see said Nephilim wrapped around his brother in the bed next to his was not Sam’s ideal. He threw the sleeping pair a glare, even though he knew they wouldn’t see it, and headed out for a run. Sam spent the better part of the run reminding himself that this woman is dangerous. He got back to the room, still trying to talk sense into himself, and glared at his sleeping brother again before hitting the shower. She’s got some kind of massive untapped power hiding inside of her, and really should not be the subject of dreams like the one he woke up from. He groaned, trying to push the dream out of his head, and turned the water all the way to cold. These thoughts have got to stop. Along with the thoughts of wanting to deck his brother every time he touches her, too. Sam got out of the shower, and made a little too much noise, secretly hoping it would wake up Dean, and it did.

“Dude. Yesterday, you gave me hell for sharing a bed with her, but last night it’s okay for you to do it?” Sam whispered, hoping not to wake Myka. Dean looks at him with eyes at half-mast and shrugs.

“She was having a nightmare. It worked when you did it, so I thought I’d try it. You’re welcome for the uninterrupted night, there, Sammy.” Sam gave Dean his best bitch face again, and told him he was going for breakfast. As Sam headed for the door, Dean called after him, “don’t forget to bring a ton of cream and sugar for the coffee!”


	22. Chapter 22

_Myka_

By the time you were showered and dressed, Sam was back with breakfast in hand. While Dean took over the bathroom, you grabbed some coffee and added your usual ton of cream and sugar.

As you picked what you wanted to eat from what Sam had brought, you gave Sam a kiss on the head and told him, “You are a beautiful and kind man to bring me sustenance in the morning.” Sam blushed and little and smiled nervously.

“N-Not a problem.” He took a breath. “While I was on my run, I went past your house. There was crime scene tape up, so apparently someone figured out what happened and called the cops.”

You thought about the consequences of this while you chewed. “I think I need to call my boss.”

Sam looked alarmed and said, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Myka. It’s bad enough we’re still in the same town with demons looking for you. Quite frankly, I’m surprised nothing found us yesterday. Getting in touch with people from your old life will just put up red flags.”

“I see what you mean, but I’m thinking about the red flags that my old life may have just raised. Right now, I’m possibly a suspect in two murders, and I’m on the run. Do we really want cops as well as demons and angels on our ass? There’s a good chance that I can clear my name, which would help remove some of the pressure from us, I think.”

Just then, Dean stepped out of the bathroom, damp hair still dripping onto his t-shirt, and showed he had obviously heard the conversation. “Absolutely not. Who knows if your old boss is even still human right now? He could be possessed by a demon, just waiting for you to call!”

You nodded, but remained thoughtful. “I think it might be a chance we have to take. How about I just call my boss, tell him whatever story we come up with to explain the bodies, tell him I ran because I was afraid, and I’m staying with my cousins on the farm for a while until I recover?”

Dean looked grim. “I don’t like it. I agree that having cops looking for you makes things a bit harder, but Sammy and I have been dodging them for years without too much trouble.” Sam nodded and took a sip of coffee.

 “It helps that we keep saving their asses from monsters, so we make more friends than enemies, usually. But Dean’s right, we’ve got warrants for us all over the place, and that’s just for the things they know we’ve done.”

You looked down while you took a sip of coffee, set the coffee down, and then looked back and forth at both men.

“Best case scenario, guys…how do you see my life playing out? Absolute best case? I’m curious where you think I’ll be in a year, and what you think I might be doing.”

Dean and Sam got quiet and looked thoughtful as you finished your breakfast. Sam finally broke the silence.

“Well, trying to take in all of the variables… you could be a very powerful force for good, defending the earth….” Sam’s voice trailed off.

Dean took a breath and finally spoke up. “Maybe we could find a way to neutralize you and you could go back to your life…as long as the angels can’t find you…” Dean and Sam shared a worried, but knowing, look. “…of course, as we know, even being warded against angels doesn’t mean they can’t find you. They found Cas when he was human….” Dean’s voice trailed off.

“So, best case scenario, we find a way to neutralize me, but I still can’t go back to that life. I still need to find a way to start over, and doing that with my face on every post office wall will be a little difficult. Look, guys, I’m just trying to weigh the pros and cons here. Someday, you guys are going to be gone, off saving some other damsel in distress, and I’m going to have to make a life for myself. If you honestly think that my future won’t be affected by being Public Enemy #1, then okay. But, since we don’t know exactly what my future will be, maybe we should clean up this mess as best we can so it doesn’t bite us in the ass later.”

Sam and Dean looked at each other for a long while. Finally, Dean stood up and grabbed his coat.

“Sam, stay here with Myka. I’ll scope out the sheriff and see if everything is demon-free there, or at least demon-light. If the coast appears to be clear, then we can try it your way. Sammy, come grab some gear out of the car before I go, okay? We still need to make some hex bags, and I’m thinking we need to find out exactly how capable our little Abominable Angel, here, is with a gun.”

Sam followed Dean out to the car, closing the door quietly behind them. You worked on cleaning up the room a bit, since letting housekeeping in was a serious infraction in Winchesterland. While you tossed food containers and coffee cups in the trash and straightened up the beds, you wondered exactly what your future could really hold. The thought of being on your own in this new world was frightening. You pushed away the thought that you just didn’t want to be without the Winchesters. That was ridiculous. Obviously, if you had to, you’d learn how to use whatever this was inside of you. The more you thought about being a witch and fighting the good fight like the Winchesters did, though, the more you hated the idea. Sure, having magic powers seemed like a cool idea when you were reading Harry Potter books, but look at what happened to Harry and his friends. Harry freaking died. True, he came back, but still. And how many of Harry’s friends died in the fight? The sudden thought of Steve, already dead because of this, seized your heart. Not to mention poor old Mailman Fred. And now, you had two new friends who were going to be targets because of you. The thought of seeing either Dean or Sam lying dead in a pool of blood made your stomach overturn dangerously. You barely managed to keep control of your breakfast. You had only known them for a couple of days, but you already knew that if anything happened to them, especially because of you, you’d never forgive yourself.

You sat down on one of the beds, and looked at your pictures on the night stand. You were wondering exactly what your parents would think of all of this when Sam returned. He dropped a large duffel bag on the couch, and came over to sit next to you.

“Look, I know this a lot to think about right now, when we barely have any answers. We’ll help you through this, though.” Sam paused and looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Myka, Dean and I talked about it outside, and we want to offer you something. I know this is really fast, and feel free to say no, but if it comes to that point where you’re looking to start a new life, we were wondering if you’d consider starting your new life with us.”

You looked up at Sam, completely flabbergasted. “Come with you? As what? A hunter? You mean, riding around with you guys going across the country and taking down bad guys? You realize that I’ve only ever shot a gun in a firing range, and I’ve never so much as kneed a jerk in the balls, right? Why on earth would you want me with you?” You were desperately trying not to think about how the phrase “start a new life with us” would sound to a normal person taken out of context, but you still felt the blush take over your face at the thought of being domestic with either brother, much less _both_ of them.

Sam smiled and chuckled and shook his head. “No, not exactly like that. See, we do have a kind of home base, of sorts. Our grandfather was part of a group called the Men of Letters. They were kind of like the librarians of our world. They didn’t hunt, but they collected information and did experiments and helped hunters with research into what kills what and anything else they needed. The Men of Letters were wiped out back in the late 50’s, but Dean and I are legacies, so we kind of inherited everything. We have a bunker. It’s pretty much the safest place on the planet. We haven’t figured out everything about it, yet, but nobody seems to be able to find it or get into it unless we want them to. It’s got a _huge_ library, filled with books and scrolls and all kinds of things. Some of them, Dean and I just can’t do anything with, because they aren’t in a language we can translate. We’ve got all kinds of information, completely inaccessible, because we just can’t read it. And there’s so much that just needs to be inventoried and catalogued, and it would be nice if we could get some technology running through the place so we aren’t doing all of our research with an actual card catalog. You could stay in the bunker with us. All that knowledge that you have, Myka, you could help us enormously. Myka, please say you’ll consider it?”

Sam was giving you the biggest set of puppy dog eyes you had ever seen in your life. Your heart completely melted, and in spite of the nagging thought in your brain telling you to _think about this for a minute_ , you knew there was no way you could refuse. Common sense said that this was completely insane. You met these men two days ago, and now they wanted you to live with them? Your gut, though, was telling you something completely different. Your gut was telling you that this was right. No matter how insane it might sound, this was what you were supposed to do. You took a breath and tried to hide how nervous you suddenly felt.

“Well, if you’re going to give me those puppy dog eyes and say please and everything… how could I possibly say no?” You smiled at Sam, and you were pleased when he smiled right back.

“Great! Of course, we’ll still teach you how to defend yourself so that you’re safe, no matter what. The bunker has a firing range inside, and a workout room, and you’ll have your own space, too, so no worries about privacy.” He smiled at you again, and you couldn’t help but give him a hug.

You wrapped your arms around his muscular frame, nestling your head in his shoulder, and smiled when he finally put his arms around you, too. “Thank you. Suddenly, all of this uncertainty seems a little less… uncertain. Was this what you and Dean argued about my first night here? When he said I was going back?”

You felt Sam nod. “Yeah. As soon as you were talking about your background, I pictured you in the bunker’s library, surrounded by piles of books, and pulling out the exact one we needed and translating it for us. Dean said no, and I had to agree, because if you could have a normal life, away from monsters and hunters, we’d rather you have that. This life sucks. A lot. Friends and family die all the time, and it’s hard to see the good for all the bad sometimes. And you being a woman, well, it seems the women around us have the worst luck ever. But if there’s no way for you to be outside the life, then we’d rather have you with us than on your own.”

You smiled, and reluctantly separated from Sam, as the door opened and Dean walked in. Dean gave Sam a look, then sat down at the table.

“Well, I scoped out the place as best as I could, and we were right. There was a demon hanging around outside just waiting for you to show up. I took care of him, but there could be more inside.”

“Let me just make a call and see what my boss says. Maybe I won’t even have to physically go there. If he insists that I have to go to the station to make my statement, then we switch to your plan. I just have to try.” Dean frowned at you, but finally shrugged.

“Since I obviously can’t make you see reason, do whatever you want, Princess, and we’ll stand by to deal with the fallout.” You tried to make him smile, but Dean’s face was stony.

The phone call actually went far better than you could expect. Your boss was relieved to have heard from you, and assured you that you had never been a suspect. You lied through your teeth about what happened, and were surprised when your boss actually bought it. Either he liked you more than you had thought, or you were a really good liar. You didn’t want to consider either scenario too closely. Either way, your boss understood when you said you were leaving town for good because you just needed a change of scenery. He said he needed to get your statement, but was willing to accept it in an email, even though that was highly irregular. He said he didn’t think it was a problem for his “best girl.” You laughed and thanked him sincerely, and as you hung up, you started to wonder if maybe you hadn’t dodged a bullet, somehow.

As you tossed your phone back into your purse, you looked at Dean and said, “See? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. And now we have one less problem chasing us down. Best news is, I can now sell my house, and use the cash to at least try to pay you guys back for everything you’ve done for me.”

Both men started arguing immediately, talking over each other, both trying to say that you didn’t need to do it, but you yelled over them. “Will you both just shut up and accept a thank you when you get it?” They both stopped talking at once, took a deep breath, and said together, “Yes, ma’am.” You laughed at how in sync they can be sometimes.

Dean, not one to pass up a setup like that, though, quipped, “Well, usually I get my thank yous in the bedroom, if you know what I mean….” He wiggled an eyebrow at you suggestively while slinging an arm around your waist. You gave him a good smack in the chest, laughed with him, and said, “Nice try! Not gonna happen! Just take the money and run, dude.” Dean did one of his big, all over laughs, and gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“So, now that we have that settled, what’s our next step?” You settled into one of the chairs at the table, and Sam took his usual spot in front of his laptop. Dean landed on the couch, and propped his feet up on one of the beds.

“Well, we still have the problem of figuring out whether you are a good witch or a bad witch, to borrow a phrase from Oz, which is a real place, by the way, and we have a friend who’s been there. Not nearly as nice as the books and the movie would lead you to believe.” You raised your eyebrows at Dean when he said this, and then shrugged. How many more imaginary things would you learn are real before this is over? “Anyway, we also need to get moving before the demon contingent finds us. The one that took over your boyfriend smoked out, and if there were any at the station and they saw me, more will come. Quite frankly, I’m surprised it’s been this quiet this long. It’s almost worrying.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “I was thinking that, too. And I have an idea about where we could go to maybe find out more about what direction Myka’s magical compass is pointing. I was thinking maybe we should take her to see Missouri.”

Dean raised his eyebrows while he considered what Sam said. Confused, you had to ask, “Why would I need to go to Missouri? Isn’t that where the world’s largest ball of twine is?”

Sam chuckled. “Actually, that’s the world’s largest _nylon_ twine ball. The most famous world’s largest ball of twine is in Kansas. There’s actually like four of them. We know. We’ve seen all the largest balls of twine. Twice. But that’s not what I meant. I’m talking about a psychic who helped us and our dad a long time ago. Her name is Missouri Moseley. She’s great. You’ll love her.”

Dean chimed in, “Man, it’s been, what, ten years since we saw her? Is she even still in Lawrence?” Sam did some typing on his laptop and nodded.

“Looks like she hasn’t moved. Want to give her a call and see if she’s up for a visit?” Dean grabbed his phone, peered over Sam’s shoulder to get the phone number, and started dialing.

“Hello, Ms. Moseley? This is… I… I-I… I’m sorry, I… Yes, ma’am.” You watched as Dean’s face turned bright red and he suddenly looked _very_ sheepish. “Yes, ma’am. We can be there in a few hours, if that’s all right. Okay, we’ll see you then. Bye.” Dean hung up and took a deep breath. “Man, she is mad at us, bro. Apparently, we were supposed to keep in touch. I think we should be prepared to get our asses handed to us when we get there. Anyway, she was expecting the call and already cleared her schedule for this afternoon, so we, and I quote, ‘better get our skinny butts over there because we’re costing her money,’ unquote. Oh, and she already knows we’re bringing company.” You chuckled at the look of pure terror on Dean’s face.

“Do you mean to tell me there’s something in this world that scares Dean Winchester? And it’s a woman?” You and Sam both laughed while Dean looked uncomfortable.

“Once you meet her, you’ll understand. Maybe we should take her something like a pie or something to butter her up….” Dean started quickly packing while you kept chuckling.

“Quick question, guys, now that we know that I’m never going to live in my house again, could we maybe pick up some more clothing and such on our way out of town?”

Dean looked skeptical, and he looked at Sam, and one of those unspoken conversations happened again. Finally, the decision seemed to be made, though neither brother looked especially happy about it. Dean finally sighed and says, “All right. We’ll park around the block, walk up through the back yard, sneak in the back, pack fast, and I mean lightning fast, and then we’re out of there. I wouldn’t expect you to go back there, so hopefully the demons won’t, either.”

The three of you gathered your things, Sam headed to the motel office to check out, and Dean packed the car while you did a final sweep checking for anything left behind. The trip to the house was short and sweet, just as Dean wanted it, and you made him glad for the stop when you grabbed the apple pie you had made for Steve out of the frig. (“If I’d have known there was pie involved, I wouldn’t have argued!”) Dean spotted a few potential demons staking out the place, but you managed to get in and out without being seen. You packed a suitcase full of clothes, and just a few pieces of jewelry that were important to you, and the three of you were off to see Missouri.


	23. Chapter 23

The drive to Lawrence was a few hours, and you spent the time getting to know the brothers a little better. They told you stories of hunts they had been on, told you about their friend, Charlie, who they promised they would call to help you with any technology needs you had, and you learned all about Bobby, their dad, Ellen and Jo, and the mysterious prophet named Kevin. Your heart broke for them with each story of loss, and you now fully understood why they didn’t want you in the life if they could keep you out of it. Taking you into their lives was a huge risk for them, in more ways than one, and you desperately hoped it wasn’t in vain.

Missouri opened the door as the three of you walked up, and you immediately knew you were going to like her. She had a kind smile, and a quiet southern drawl that just made you feel calm and relaxed. She may not have been anywhere near as tall as you and the Winchesters, but the boys showed her an almost fearful respect.

“Well, well, well, it’s about time the Winchester boys came around to visit me. Had to take an angel baby to get them to come. If I had a mind to, I’d be insulted, but I know you boys have been busy. Oh, look at you both! Grown up into such handsome men. Your daddy would be so proud.” She hugged both of them, and then greeted you by taking your hands in hers and looking you square in the face. “I would tell you to call me if these boys don’t do right by you, but I can tell already that won’t be a problem. Come on in.”

Dean offered her the pie and tried to apologize profusely for not keeping in touch, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She led you into her kitchen, and served up the pie so you could eat while you talked. You couldn’t help but watch Dean take his first bite, and the look on his face as he ate it was extremely satisfying. For some reason, you really wanted Dean to like your pie. The idea of baking for him appealed to you. You couldn’t wait to try out some of your mother’s other pie recipes for him. After everyone had finished their pie, you got down to business. Sam piped up first, since Dean was obviously considering asking for a second slice.

“Missouri, we’re hoping you can help us with Myka. What we know so far is that her parents must have been an angel and some kind of witch, but we don’t know more than that. We have it on good authority that everybody will want a piece of her, but we really don’t know why or what we’re dealing with, here. We’re hoping you can get a sense from her or something to give us somewhere to start.”

Missouri turned to you, took both of your hands in hers, peered into your face, much like Castiel had done, then closed her eyes, and then searched your face again. After a long while, she finally spoke.

“I see the angel part of you, baby, and I see the witch part, and they seem to be keeping each other in check. Right now, you’re balanced, dark to light. Think of it like a teeter totter. Dark witch on one side, angel grace on the other. And they’re both basically quiet. I’m betting you have excellent natural instincts about some things, though, don’t you? Sometimes, you just know things. Kind of like Sam over here used to, even when he didn’t realize it. Anyway, that’s the witch in you. The witch knows which way the wind blows, even if you don’t listen to her. The grace in you is working on your body, though. I bet you don’t get sick very often, and if you do, it passes quickly.” Missouri paused, looked at the boys, and then back to you. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but your babies were never meant to be. Almost every woman has a miscarriage before she even knows she’s pregnant at some point in her life. Those babies aren’t meant to be born. That grace just worked on them, making them live when they weren’t supposed to. And when it couldn’t touch them anymore, they couldn’t live anymore. I’d be surprised if they even had souls attached to them. I’m so sorry. Sometimes the light can be just as cruel and painful as the dark.”

You sat there, stunned, staring into her face. She was so kind, and yet you wanted to run away. Tears began to stream down your face, and you quickly tried to wipe them away. Sam and Dean moved closer to you on either side of you so you could almost feel them. Missouri smiled at the three of you, patted the boys on their knees, and continued.

“Good boys. You take care of her. No keeping secrets from her. You keep her safe, and she’ll save you, I know it. I don’t know how, but it’s a feeling I have. Now, I don’t know much about witches and magic, but I can send you to someone who does. She’s not too far from here, and she can answer any questions you have about that part of you. She’s a good woman, so no need to worry. You three stay here, and I’ll go write down her information for you.”

Suddenly, you were left with no focal point to distract you from the surprise and concern emanating from the two men beside you. You struggled to stop the tears, which still insisted on falling in spite of your efforts to stop them.

Sam was the first to say anything. “If you want to talk about it, we’re here for you. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.”

You looked from Sam to Dean and back again, and tried your best to smile. Then, you kissed each of them on the cheek, and quietly said, “Thank you. I’m good like this right now.” You patted both denim-clad knees next to yours and looked up as Missouri came back into the room. She handed you a piece of paper and a box of tissues and sat down across from you again.

“She should be able to help you figure out what’s what and what you want to do. I can sense great power in you that’s dormant right now, but I can also see how that power could be a big problem. She should be able to guide you through whatever you decide.”

The boys thanked her, and all three of you got up to go. As you were almost out the door, Missouri handed bags to the boys with ingredients for hex bags and instructions on what to do with them. She said they would help protect the three of you from anything that might come looking. As the boys headed toward the car, she pulled you back and gave you a hug.

“It was so nice to meet you, angel girl. Both of those boys will be good for you, as long as you keep them in line. Remember, no keeping secrets. Everyone has to know everything or else it won’t work. The angel was right. With education and practice, you could be very powerful. But it’s a big risk. If you go that way, you will need those boys with you every step of the way. Good luck, honey. And keep in touch, okay?”

You nodded and smiled, and thanked her for everything. You almost didn’t want to head to the car, because in the car were the Winchesters, and you knew you had to tell them everything. You forced yourself to turn and walk to the car, where the boys were already strapped in and ready to go. You climbed in the back seat, and stared out the window as Dean pulled away.

Since the witch was in St. Louis, and the bunker was in the complete opposite direction, and since you were all tired, you decided to grab a motel in Lawrence for the night. Dean was nice enough to offer to get you your own room, but you declined.

“Honestly, I feel safer with you guys, if it’s okay with you. Besides, we’re all adults, and we’ve shared for two nights in a row, now. Not to mention that we apparently have a lot to talk about.”

Sam turned around so he could face you. “You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to, Myka. We’ve all got crap we’d rather not talk about. Don’t feel like you owe us anything, okay?”

“That’s sweet of you, Sam, but I just got a lecture from Missouri. Or maybe it was a warning. I’m not sure. She told me the same thing she told you. No secrets. Everyone has to know everything all the time or bad things will happen. So, tonight, maybe we should find ourselves a bottle or ten of tequila and start playing Truth or Truth. No dares allowed.” You tried to smile at Sam, and he tried to smile back.

“Then that’s that,” Dean said. “I’ll check us in and buy the booze, Sam, you get us settled in the room, and Myka, you pick the place we’re ordering dinner from, because we’re going to need food to go with all of that alcohol.”


	24. Chapter 24

_Dean_

Babies? Plural? And from the sound of it, stillborn. Well, that explained the stretch marks. Ben hadn’t been his from birth, but leaving him behind had ripped a hole in Dean’s heart that never quite healed over. He couldn’t imagine carrying a child inside your body only to have it die. And Myka had done it more than once, if Missouri’s words were to be believed. Dean’s heart ached thinking of it, and he hadn’t even heard Myka’s story, yet. And then there was the problem of the darkness inside of her. Could they just be stirring a pot that was better left alone? So far, she had shown no sign of powers, good or bad, and maybe poking them with a stick wasn’t a great idea?


	25. Chapter 25

_Sam_

While Myka looked through the phone book for local pizza joints, Sam tried not to stare at her as he thought about everything Missouri had said. He couldn’t imagine losing a child, much less more than one. He watched Myka’s hands shake as she scanned the pages in the phone book. He resisted the urge to pull the book from her hands and just hold her. No matter how she might be feeling right now, she didn’t need to hear platitudes from someone who had no clue what she was going through. He knew how to stitch up a physical wound, fix a dislocated shoulder, or treat a concussion. He didn’t have any idea how to heal a broken heart. If he did, he would have healed his own a long time ago.


	26. Chapter 26

_Myka_

An hour later, there were two pizzas (because then only Sam would need to search for his idea of breakfast: something with whole grains and egg whites), a bottle of whiskey, and a bottle of tequila set up on the table in the room. The three of you ate your pizza while you unpacked and got settled, and then you opened the tequila while Dean cracked open the whiskey.

“I have to warn you, I’m a cheap drunk, so don’t let me hit this stuff too hard or I’ll have a lampshade on my head inside an hour.” The bothers chuckled at you and promised.

The rest of the evening went by in a bit of a blur, probably because of the tequila. You told the boys about the babies, and how losing them made you decide to take permanent measures to not get pregnant again. As Missouri had described, both babies had seemed healthy in the womb, but once born, they never took a breath. Going through having to give back baby gifts, telling everyone what had happened, and burying an impossibly tiny casket once was horrible. Getting your hopes up a second time, only to have to do it all again, was too much. You couldn’t try again, even though your husband wanted to. You were willing to adopt, someday, but you needed time to heal, and he wasn’t willing to wait. He needed a child to fill the void, and you knew that another child wouldn’t fill it for you. So, you went your separate ways. You showed Sam and Dean the ultrasounds behind the wedding picture, and the small little heart tattoos near your hip bone, one for each child. You showed Sam the tattoo on your finger that you got after the divorce. And you told them about how frightened you had been when you started getting serious about Steve. You had started to see a future with him, but were terrified to ask him how he felt about having kids. What if he wasn’t okay with adopting? You finally came clean to Sam and admitted that the dream you had your first night with them was one you had a lot, and apologized for keeping it from him.

“Myka, there’s nothing to apologize for. Absolutely nothing, okay?” He reached over to you and grabbed your hand, rubbing little circles on the back of it. “There’s no wonder you have nightmares. I’d be worried if you didn’t have nightmares.”

Dean agreed, and gave your other hand a quick squeeze. “Yeah. What he said.”

After that, the evening got a little lighter, with you talking about good memories of growing up with your family. The brothers told tales of Christmases in motel rooms, macaroni and cheese, and always being the new kid in school. You could tell that they had loved their dad, even though he dragged them all over the country and left them alone a lot. Sam talked about going to Stanford, a little about Jessica, and later Amelia, which led Dean to tell you about Lisa and Ben. By this point, you made sure you weren’t drinking too fast because you wanted to remember all of this. Sam finally owned up to his sexual antics while he was sans soul, and apparently shocked Dean when he actually dropped a number. You had to admit, the number was impressive, and slightly worrisome. You joked that you hoped he had gotten a complete physical at some point after he got his soul back, which led to him talking about his time in the mental ward because of his Lucifer hallucinations. Sam had had just enough to drink that he was willing to do an impression of some of the things Lucifer did to keep him awake, like singing. Sam’s singing made both you and Dean beg him to stop before the coyotes came out of the woods and started howling with him. Both brothers answered any questions you had as completely and seriously as they could, including when you asked Dean what Death was like. When Dean got done describing each of his encounters, you joked that perhaps you should invite Death over for dinner some night to eat real food.

Finally, it was very late, and all three of you were very drunk, and it came time to head to bed. There was a question of who would sleep in what bed, which was settled by a quick game of roshambo, and it was decided that you would bunk with Sam. You laughed when he celebrated winning a little too enthusiastically and tripped over his chair, landing on the bed. He got you back, though, when he grabbed your leg and pulled you into the bed with him and pinned you down until you threatened to pee on him. He finally let you up, you hit the bathroom and got changed, and when you left the bathroom, both boys were passed out and snoring, both on top of the covers and still fully dressed. You crawled under the covers next to Sam, and smiled when he threw an arm over you and pulled you closer.


	27. Chapter 27

_Dean_

Dean woke up the next morning with a bit of a headache, but thankfully nothing worse than that. He looked over at the other bed and groaned, wishing he hadn’t. Sam was thoroughly tangled up with Myka again. She didn’t seem to mind it, though, since she was thoroughly tangled up with Sam. As much as he didn’t like it, he knew Sam would be better for her than he would be. Sam was just a better man. He could always see past the bad and focus on the good, a trait that Dean had relied on his whole life. If it weren’t for Sam’s good nature, Dean would have been going it alone a long time ago. As much as it bugged him, which it shouldn’t even bug him because they just met her, he knew she’d be in good hands with Sam. Dean shoved the bad feeling in his chest back down while he hit the shower and tried to focus on the day ahead.


	28. Chapter 28

_Myka_

The next morning, you woke up with a fuzzy head, and your nose full of the smell of soap and whiskey. As you took attendance of all your body parts, you found your head buried in Sam’s shoulder, your left arm pinned under his right and wrapped around his middle, your left knee trapped between Sam’s knees, your feet completely tangled up with Sam’s, and your entire right side, from shoulder to hip to knee, pressed tightly against Sam. You realized his left arm was cradling your head, with his left hand holding your left shoulder, and his right arm was slung over your waist. You tried to move, and soon realized the only part of you that was free was your left arm below the elbow. As you squirmed a little to try to quietly free yourself, Sam suddenly groaned and pulled you even closer to him. His right hand traveled down your back to your hip and suddenly your hips were tight against his, and you realized that at some point in the night, he had removed his jeans, because you could feel  _everything_. You tried not to think about the hard length that was currently pressed against you, but you felt a warmth start to spread through your belly, anyway. _This is bad. This is bad. We are friends. Nothing more. But he smells so good. This will never work. And where’s Dean? This is bad. Have to move._

You paused for a second and realized you heard the shower running, so at least Dean wasn’t five feet away from the two of you. You tried to shift away again, but with Sam’s strong arms pinning you to him, you pretty much just ended up grinding your hips against his, which did _not_ improve the situation. You let out a quiet moan and stopped wiggling. You’d have to wake him up. You tried gently rubbing his back and quietly saying his name, still hoping that you could get out of his arms before he woke up enough to fully realize the situation. Sam responded by mumbling something incoherent and hugging you closer. You managed to keep your groan quiet as you resisted the urge to stay where you were and enjoy it. You looked up at his face, and tried to push away thoughts of kissing up his jaw and down his neck _. Oh, my God, why does he have to be so damn hot??_ You said his name a little louder and tried tapping on his shoulder, and that seemed to work. He loosened his grip on you, and you managed to scoot up the bed so you were half sitting up. Before you could completely untangle yourself, though, he tightened his grip again and you ended up with his head resting on your stomach. You’d managed to at least separate your bottom half from his, though, so if he woke up in this position, there would be less embarrassment. You looked down at the sleeping giant, swept some of the long hair out of his face, and smiled. Embarrassment aside, there were worse ways to wake up, really!

You heard the shower turn off, and you checked to make sure everything was covered before Dean opened the bathroom door. As he opened the door, you plastered what felt like a goofy grin on your face and waved. Dean smiled and shook his head at how his brother basically had you pinned down. You used all the mental strength you had to not think about the fact that Dean was now walking around the room, still half wet, clad only in a towel. _Boy, when God was making Winchesters, he really did some of his finest work!_ You failed miserably, and couldn’t help but sneak peeks when he wasn’t looking. He grabbed some clothes and headed back into the bathroom to get dressed. After the door closed, you released the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding with a big sigh. Dean didn’t have the well-defined abs you could feel under Sam’s shirt, but he was still solid muscle. And his back… you were steadfastly trying to block the thought of kissing down his spine when the bathroom door opened again.

Dean came out and made a motion that the bathroom was yours if you wanted it, and you looked down at Sam, and back up at Dean, and just shrugged your shoulders, smiled, and shook your head. There was no way you would be released until he woke up. Dean pointed at Sam, you nodded your head and wriggled a little to show that you were trapped. True to form, Sam tightened his grip on you. You and Dean both tried not to laugh, but you ended up chuckling a little. At that, Dean picked up a towel, and snapped it at Sam’s butt.

“Rise and shine, Sammy!” Dean yelled. “It’s time to face your hangover, little brother!” Sam jumped when the towel hit him, and then let you go so he could grab a pillow and cover his head with it.

You heard him moan, and muffled by the pillow, he said, “How much did I have to drink last night? I feel like death.”

Dean chuckled and replied, “Yeah, I figured you were hung over when I got up before you did. You apparently drank just enough.” Dean grabbed the pillow from Sammy’s head as you headed toward the bathroom. As you closed the door, you heard Dean say loudly, “Come on, Sammy! Time for breakfast! How about some cold pizza?” Through the door you heard Sam groan and threaten his brother with bodily harm if he mentioned food again.


	29. Chapter 29

_Sam_

He was having the most beautiful dream. Myka was pressed up against him, moaning his name, her nails digging into his back, begging him to mark her, claim her, make her his. He paused for just a moment when he felt something come up behind him, but there was nothing there, so he turned back to her and started kissing down her chest to her stomach. She was just so beautiful.

SMACK! What the hell?? Sam came awake with a start, and it felt like somebody had hit him in the head with a hammer. And Dean was yelling, causing a painful ringing sensation to bounce around his skull. As he covered his head with the pillow, Sam was suddenly very glad he was lying on his stomach. The dream filtered back into his brain. Oh, this was bad. Very, very bad. Oh, but that dream was so nice, but the reaction he was currently hiding was very, very bad. And someday, Sam was going to filet his brother for yelling at him about freaking cold pizza right now.


	30. Chapter 30

_Myka_

After a cold shower, you felt a bit more composed and ready to face the brothers without lustful intent. Dean had gone out for coffee, since Sam was still lying in bed with a pillow over his head. You grabbed a glass of water and some aspirin, and sat down on the bed next to Sam. You rubbed his back until he took the pillow away from his head. You laughed at the ridiculous bed head he had going on, which made him wince and hide under the pillow again. You patted his back and got up.

“There’s water and aspirin on the night stand next to you, Princess. Take it, drink it, and get in the shower. I promise you’ll feel better.”

After a few minutes, Sam pulled his head out from the pillow and gave you his best bitch face. He swallowed the aspirin, downed the water, and then sat up, holding his head in his hands. A few minutes later, Dean returned, and slammed the door, making Sam jump.

“Dean! Why? Jerk.” Sam yelled as he hid his head under the pillow again. Dean just chuckled, said, “Bitch,” and handed you your coffee, setting another cup on the nightstand for his brother.

Dean pointed to your coffee and said, “I already added the pint of cream and cup of sugar, so she’s ready when you are.” You chuckled and thanked him, and Sam groaned something unintelligible under the pillow before getting up and stumbling to the bathroom. You made an excuse to Dean about needing some sunshine and headed outside to a picnic area across the parking lot from your room. The last thing you needed was to see Sam coming out of the shower the same way you saw Dean. Besides, some fresh air would do you good, right?


	31. Chapter 31

_Sam_

Why did Myka have to be so damn nice? He had finally gotten to the point where he thought he could get out of bed without embarrassing himself, and then she sat down next to him on the bed and started rubbing his back. Just when he thought he was actually going to moan from pleasure, she thankfully stopped. Oh, but then she laughed, which was normally such a wonderful sound, but not this morning. Ow. The ringing in his head started back up, which at least subdued the party in his boxers. Dean slamming the door helped, too. Sam stumbled into the bathroom, wondering if a cold shower would help his headache as well as his other issues.


	32. Chapter 32

_Dean_

Dean watched Myka walk across the parking lot, unable to take his eyes off the sway of her hips. She sat down on the picnic table bench, leaned back against the table, closed her eyes and tilted her face up to the sun. Her hair moved with the breeze, and she looked almost ethereal. Which maybe made sense since she’s part angel. Dean saw her stature change, and then saw Cas appear. Cas looked towards the motel, and Dean quickly got up and started packing things away. The last thing he needed was for Cas to sense Dean’s preoccupation with their current case. When Sam got out of the shower, they both finished packing up, and then just sat at the table, watching the angel pow-wow outside. They both tried to pretend they weren’t watching, making small talk about hangover cures and the best route to St. Louis, but Dean didn’t think they were fooling each other.


	33. Chapter 33

_Myka_

While you were enjoying the autumn breeze and warm sunshine, you thought over the past few days in your head. You wondered about what Missouri had said about your babies. It’s true that women have miscarriages all the time before they even realize that they’re pregnant. Does that mean that you could have babies that lived? But how many babies would you have to bury before you conceived a child that could survive? You had named your babies, and had sought comfort in the idea that they were now in Heaven. But Missouri wasn’t even sure they had had souls. Suddenly, you had a LOT of questions.

“Castiel,” you prayed quietly, “If you’re busy right now, this isn’t important, but if you’re not busy, I have some questions that I hope you could answer for me.” You whispered the motel information as you had heard Dean do, and almost before you were done speaking, you heard a flutter of wings. You opened your eyes, and were met with Castiel’s striking blue gaze.

“Myka. I was surprised to hear from you. Are you all right? Where are Dean and Sam? Has something happened?” Castiel started looking around nervously.

“I’m not in trouble, and Dean and Sam are in the room across the parking lot, still getting ready to go. I didn’t take you away from anything important, did I?”

“No, Myka. I was enjoying a quiet moment in my favorite version of Heaven.” Castiel’s gruff voice was a stark contrast to the picture his words portrayed. He sat down on the bench next to you. “You said you have some questions for me?”

“I know that angels can read minds, and since you touched my actual soul, I figure you probably know quite a bit about me and my past, am I right?”

Castiel looked thoughtful for a moment before responding. “When I touched your soul, I did feel some raw edges. And yes, we can read minds, though I try not to if it’s not necessary.” Castiel searched your eyes for a moment before speaking again. “You want to know about the babies.”

You nodded quietly, studying your hands, and then took a deep breath. “Missouri Moseley said they weren’t meant to be, and she even doubted they had souls. Do you know if they had souls, and if they did, where they would be, now?”

Castiel’s face looked pained as he shook his head. “Without looking into it, or knowing any more about why they died, I don’t know. And I can’t guarantee that I would be able to get any information for you without jeopardizing your safety.”

“I don’t know if this will help, but she said they were never meant to be. That if it weren’t for my grace sustaining them, I probably never would have known I was pregnant, because I would have miscarried so early. All through the pregnancy, the babies were fine, but they just never took a breath. Does that tell you anything?” You put your hand on his and gave him a pleading look.

Surprised, Castiel looked down at your hand on his, and then looked up at you with sadness clearly etched on his face. “I don’t know for sure. It’s true that grace heals the body, and as a Nephilim, your body will heal from injuries and illnesses faster than normal humans. It is possible that your grace could sustain a baby while you carried it, but not having a soul would not necessarily condemn it to death upon birth. There are empty vessels in the world, and most people know them as sociopaths or psychopaths. To know for sure, I would have to ask the Fates. Since they see the whole tapestry, they would know if your children were threads or not. I can say, though, that if souls were assigned to them, but they never had life outside of your body, those souls would have returned to Heaven for later reassignment. There is quite a beautiful nursery in Heaven of unborn souls waiting to be born. I saw it once when a pregnant woman died in battle, and I followed her Reaper to see where it would go. I was severely chastised for leaving my post, though, so I never got to go back.” Castiel paused, and continued, absentmindedly. “How things have changed.”

The angel turned to face you and you almost felt a shock when his eyes meet yours again. “Have I helped you at all, Myka?”

You nodded, considering everything he said, but you had more questions. “You have, Castiel, but I have more questions, if you have time?” Castiel nodded, his eyes still looking through you.

“If I were to ever try to have children again, how can I stop what happened to the others from happening again? I mean, can I even have a child that will live? I had given up on the idea of ever having my own children because I thought any child I conceived would die, but is there actually a chance that a child of mine could live?” You quickly tried to wipe away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks.

Castiel looked at you with such sadness on his face, and awkwardly patted your shoulder before he answered. “From an angelic standpoint, I think that yes, you could have a child, assuming no angels kill you for being an abomination before then. It is possible for Nephilim to have children, though I don’t think any Nephilim has ever lived long enough to procreate. Based on what we’ve discussed, though, I don’t see how to ensure that you don’t have a similar experience again. I don’t know how to prevent your natural grace from interfering with the process if it’s not meant to be.”

You wiped away some more silent tears and sniffled, and you were surprised when Castiel put an arm around your shoulders and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m so sorry I can’t tell you something to make you feel better, Myka.” You pulled away from him and tried to straighten yourself out a bit.

“It’s okay, Castiel. I need the truth, and you’re giving it to me. Um, one more question. Dean told me that you were human for a while, and then you got your grace back, which made you an angel again. Does that mean you lost your grace somehow? Would it be possible for me to get rid of the grace in me?” Castiel stood up and turned away from you for before speaking.

 “Yes, I lost my grace. Well, it was stolen, actually.” He turned back around to you, but kept his eyes to the ground as he spoke. “And I eventually got my grace returned to me, after having to steal another angel’s grace, which was a shameful thing for me to do. But the grace of an angel is different than the grace of a Nephilim.” Castiel sat down again next to you. “An angel is a different kind of physical being than a human. What you see before you is a vessel. My true form is too big and powerful for most humans to see or hear. As a Nephilim, you could, but I almost killed Dean twice, and blinded a friend of his before I found my vessel. Once upon a time, this vessel was the home of one Jimmy Novak. He has long since died from my battle injuries, leaving me by myself in here. You, however, were born with grace in your very DNA. You could no more remove it than you could remove your skin. If it were possible, I’m sure someone would have found a way to do it, rather than killing Nephilim outright. I’m sorry, Myka. I’m afraid you’re stuck with it.” You nodded.

 “Thank you for taking the time to explain everything to me, Castiel. I know you’re busy and can’t spend a lot of time down here with us, so I appreciate you taking the time.” Castiel smiled.

 “Believe me, if I had my choice, I’d be here with the Winchesters more often. And I do visit the bunker whenever I can.”

“You do? Then I guess I’ll see more of you around, then!” You gave Castiel a smile. “The boys have asked me to move into the bunker and help them with translating and librarian duties, since that’s my specialty. If I can’t have a normal life, then they said they’d rather have me with them than fighting the fight on my own. I owe them a lot, and I hope I can repay them.”

Castiel smiled, and you both continued talking for a while, him telling you about the bunker, and you telling him about your fields of study. After a few minutes, Dean came out of the motel room and walked over to the both of you.

“Having an angelic pow wow out here away from the humans?” Dean smiled and sat next to you. He leaned back on the table and stretched his legs out in front of him. You tried not to, but you couldn’t help but admire his form. You unconsciously mimicked him and assumed a similar position.

“Castiel was nice enough to answer some questions I had about my grace. We were just talking languages and libraries and ancient religions. Something tells me Castiel, here, and I are going to be good friends.” You smiled and nudged Castiel’s arm, making him blush.

Dean saw Castiel’s smile and blush and chuckled. “Sheesh, Cas, she’s worked her magic on you, already huh?”

Castiel looked disturbed and shook his head, then looked at you suspiciously. “No, I don’t think she’s used any magic on me, and as an angel, I think I would be immune to any witchly spells she might cast.” He moved away from you slightly on the bench.

You laughed out loud, and Dean just sighed and shook his head. “No, man, I just meant it didn’t take long for you to warm up to her. You like her, right?”

Castiel still looked a bit confused, but nodded and said, “I do find her pleasant and easy to talk to.”

You smiled as you replied to him, “Well, I also find you pleasant and easy to talk to, Castiel.” He smiled back at you as he relaxed.

“Well, on that note, we should get going if we’re going to get to St. Louis by this afternoon. Sleeping Beauty in there is finally able to move, though he still looks like hell. You ready to go, Myka?”

You nodded as you got up, then turned to Castiel. “Thank you for everything. At least now I know where I stand should I ever change my mind about things in the future. Are you heading back to Heaven, now or do you have to go back to work?”

Castiel stood, looked thoughtfully around, and finally responded. “I don’t have to return to work right away. I could go back to Heaven, or I could come along with you and we could continue our talk, if you don’t mind?”

You looked at Dean and Dean shrugged. “As long as you don’t get car sick, I don’t care. We’re going to visit a witch in St. Louis who comes highly regarded by a friend of ours. Missouri says she’s a white witch who would love to help us. I hope she’s right. We’re going to find out what Myka can do with her witchy woman side. Since she’s half witch, half angel, maybe having an angel in the room wouldn’t be a bad idea. It sounds like Myka is something new, so we can use all the experts we can get on this.”

Castiel nodded. “I would definitely prefer that I be with you if you’re meeting with a witch, just in case. I’ve heard of good witches, but only rumors.”

The three of you approached the motel room door when Sam opened it up and walked outside, wincing at the sunlight through his sunglasses. A silly thought entered your mind, and you tried to swallow a giggle, but failed.

“Why do I suddenly feel like Dorothy off to see the Wizard of Oz? Sheesh, we’re even in Kansas! All I need is a little dog, too!” The three men all looked at you and shook their heads. You let it go, but in your head you suddenly had a picture of Sam as the Scarecrow, Castiel as the Tin Man, and Dean as the Cowardly Lion. As you packed up your things, you smiled and hummed, “We’re Off to See the Wizard.”


	34. Chapter 34

During the long car ride, Sam called the number Missouri gave you and made arrangements for you all to meet with the witch, Susan, when you got into town. The ride was pleasant, with you and Castiel talking about places you saw as a child when you travelled with your parents to dig sites. Castiel was a fountain of knowledge about many of the places that you saw, and by the time you reached St. Louis, your bond with the angel was set. You were almost sad to see the Arch, since you knew your conversation would end. But, you knew there would be plenty of time for more conversations in the bunker. Dean decided to check into the hotel before heading to see the witch, and you tried to make quick work of unloading the car.

Once you all had your things in the room, you headed back to the car, only to see a bearded man with dark hair in a beautifully tailored black suit leaning against it.

“Hello, darlings,” the well suited man said, with a most endearing English accent. Immediately, the Winchesters and Castiel stood in front of you, effectively blocking you from seeing what’s going on.

“How’d you find us, Crowley?” Dean growled. _King of Hell Crowley??_

“Somewhere in this backwoods town is the greatest white witch in the country. Standing behind you, and looking adorable, by the way, is one of the most powerful witches on the planet, but completely clueless. I put two and two together, Squirrel. You’re getting predictable in your old age. I’ve got demons posted at every cheap motel for 100 miles, just looking for a glimpse of this rust bucket you call a car.”

“Are you trying to piss me off, you son of a bitch?” Dean barked. He made a move towards Crowley, and suddenly stopped, frozen in his tracks.

“Nuh, uh, uh, Squirrel. I don’t think so. Not here, not now.” He motioned towards Castiel and Sam, both of who also seemed to be stuck. “Look around you gentlemen. See that nice mother over there with her two boys?” You followed Crowley’s finger and saw a picnic table with a mother and two children, about two- and four-years old, eating a snack and talking happily. “Now, see the construction worker next door, the guy changing his flat tire on the street, and the maid with her cart over there?” You looked around, and suddenly all three people were standing very still, watching you with black eyes. _Just like Steve’s eyes before he died!_ “See, boys, I’m going to take this beautiful young thing with me, and you’re not going to stop me, or else those boys will spend the rest of their lives in therapy trying to forget the day they watched their mother die a horrible and excruciating death.”

Suddenly, there were two sets of strong arms grasping yours and you were pulled away. You tried to fight, but they were too strong for you. The two demons dragged you over to Crowley, who looked you up and down and said, “Why, Micheala, the pictures don’t do you justice. You really are extraordinary.”

“Let her go, Crowley!” Sam yelled. “What do you want with her, anyway? She doesn’t know anything. She’s powerless and can’t do anything for you!” You watched your three friends struggle with the dilemma before them. Fight, and lose an innocent bystander, or stand down and lose you. You tried to scream at them silently that it was all right. That you understood. You hoped Castiel heard your thoughts. _It’s okay. We’ll figure this out._

Crowley chuckled. “Oh, Moose, Moose, Moose. Did you forget I’m the son of a witch? She won’t be powerless for long. And she’ll be all mine. Cheerio, boys!”

You blinked and you were no longer in the motel parking lot, but what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse. The demons who had your arms dragged you to a support column, and tied your hands behind your back and above your head around the column. You started screaming as loudly as you could, and the last thing you saw before you blacked out was a demon’s fist approaching your face.


	35. Chapter 35

When you came to, you were very aware of a painful pounding in your head, so you were slow to open your eyes. As you did, though, everything came rushing back to you. You tried to look around, but everything was still a bit fuzzy.

“Oh, good. You’re awake. I was starting to think you weren’t as invincible as I’ve heard.”

You grimaced at the sound of Crowley’s deep, gruff voice, and tried to move your arms to get some feeling back into them. You realized they must be anchored by something above your head, because you couldn’t lower them.

“What do you want with me, Crowley? Sam is right. I don’t know anything. Just a few days ago, I didn’t even believe in ghosts, much less demons and witches. I’m no good to you.” Crowley stepped away from what could only be some kind of altar and stood in front of you. If you didn’t know he was the King of Hell, you might have considered him attractive. He was about your height or maybe an inch shorter, and his look and dress reminded you of Steve. There wasn’t a hair out of place and he reeked of expensive style and class.

“Oh, you underestimate yourself, Micheala. You have many… charms… that can interest the King of Hell, darling.” His eyes slowly traveled up and down your body, obviously undressing you. “You may not know much about what you are, my love, but I know everything.” He got so close to you that you could smell his expensive cologne, and then leaned in so you felt his beard bristle against your cheek. “And you. Are. Impressive.” He took a deep sniff, and as he backed away, he sighed, “Extraordinary.”

You tried to swallow the revulsion you felt at the idea of the King of Freaking Hell wanting a piece of you. Something told you he wouldn’t take rejection well.

“I’m not impressive, Crowley. I’m a freaking temp, for Pete’s sake. I’m a 35-year old divorcee with no prospects. Whatever you and the angels and whatever other monsters out there think you see in me, it’s not there. I’m not anything.” As Crowley listened to you, he paced back and forth.

“You are so wrong, Micheala, and I’m going to prove it to you.” He came to a stop by the altar and faced you. “Allow me, and I’ll unlock your powers. I’ll teach you how to use what’s inside of you to reshape your world into whatever you want it to be. Agree, and I’ll make you more powerful than the angels who hunt you. Demons will bow down to you. Monsters will fear you. No more running. You can have anything you want.” As he talked, you tested what was binding your wrists, but the ropes didn’t give.

“What’s in it for you, Crowley? The joy of teaching? What do you get from making me invincible? What’s to stop me from killing you with what you teach me?” Crowley approached you with a smirk, and you stopped fiddling with the ropes.

“I’ll make you the Queen of Hell. Be my queen, and we’ll rule together. I’ll teach you everything, and I’ll serve you. Be my queen, and I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I know that there are things you want to know.” Crowley came close enough that you could almost hear his breathing. He fiddled with his suit, picking off an imaginary piece of lint, and then looked up at you with his head cocked to the side. “I know about your parents. Your birth parents.” He came closer to you again, almost touching you, but not quite. “And I know what you want to have someday. A child.” Your eyes flew up to his. “Yes, I know. It’s quite the little pickle your ancestry has created for you. But I can fix it. I can give you a child that lives.” He leaned in closer so you felt his breath on your neck and his beard against your cheek. “A child so healthy, so powerful, that nothing in Heaven or Hell could touch it.” He backed away to look at you, gently moved a lock of hair from your face, and tucked it behind your ear, caressing your cheek affectionately. “I could give you everything you’ve ever wanted. You just have to say, ‘yes.’”

You stared at him, dumbfounded. Everything you’ve ever wanted. The promise of a healthy child. Knowledge of where you came from. Plus, a few extras that didn’t really interest you. But with the King of Hell? I mean, he wasn’t bad looking, but he’s the freaking King of Hell!

“Why would I want to throw in with the King of Hell when I can get what I want without the eternal damnation? I have friends, now, who are willing to help me without risking my soul in the process.”

Crowley smirked. “Oh, you mean the Winchesters and the fallen angel? Like them more than me, do you? Well, they all do have a certain sex appeal, I suppose.”

With a snap of his fingers, Crowley was gone, and Castiel’s blazing blue eyes were latched onto yours. “I suppose since you are part angel that an angel would be more to your liking.” Castiel’s gruff voice washed over you, his hands moved to hold your hips, and then he dipped his head to kiss behind your ear. Gently, he left a trail of little kisses and nips and licks down your neck until he reached your collarbone. You chanted to yourself in your head. _This is Crowley. This is Crowley. This is NOT Castiel. This is Crowley_. But a shiver still went down your spine, anyway. Crowley-as-Castiel hummed against your skin, causing goose bumps to form all over you. “Yes, I can see that the angel interests you more than I do.”

In Castiel’s voice, Crowley then said, “I suppose the angel has already told you of his history with Nephilim, right?” His mouth was now at your other collarbone and starting up the other side of your neck to you other ear. “How, as a soldier, it was part of his job to take care of such abominations.” As he reached your ear, he almost whispered, “And about the time he cut out the heart of a Nephilim because he needed it for a spell.”

You shuddered. “What are you talking about?”

Crowley-as-Castiel backed away from your neck, but still looked down at you as if he was about to kiss you. His pupils were blown wide, so you could barely see the paralyzing blue that usually shone there. “Oh, yes. He thought nothing of killing one of your cousins simply to cast a spell. He’s done a lot that he is shameful for, but I’ve never heard him express regret about that.” Castiel? You knew angels had killed Nephilim in the past, but Castiel?

Another snap of his fingers, and Castiel was replaced by Dean. “And Dean. He’s another pretty boy that holds your interest, am I right? Has Dean told you that Lisa was the only woman he ever stayed with for more than one night? He’s a real love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Honestly, he’ll chase anything in a skirt. Well, except you, it seems.” Crowley-as-Dean moved his hands up your sides, cupped your breasts for a moment with a groan, and then moved his hands back down your back, pulling your hips toward his and squeezing your ass. You felt the bulge in his pants, and continued chanting to yourself in your mind. _Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, not Dean, not Dean, not Dean._

“To be honest, Dean would have never lived with Lisa if Sam hadn’t forced him to. Dean doesn’t know how to have a relationship that lasts longer than a couple of days.” Crowley-as-Dean was now grinding his hips into yours, his eyes dark, knowing that it was exciting you, even though you didn’t want it to. You did your best to suppress a whimper, but Crowley heard it, and chuckled. “Dean’s a lot of fun, but he can’t be serious. You’ll be out on your own again in a couple of days if it’s up to Dean.” You tried not to think about the words coming out of Crowley’s mouth. Dean’s a womanizer? He hadn’t even so much as flirted with you!

Snap! Dean became Sam. Sam’s hair fell into his face as he looked down at you with those puppy dog eyes. His hands moved from your hips up to your face, where he traced your jaw and your bottom lip with his thumb.

“Now, Sam. Sam is a different story. He’s a lover, through and through. I can see how any woman would think he’s a catch.” Crowley-as-Sam moved one hand behind your neck, tangled his fingers in your hair, and moved as if he was about to kiss you, but his lips fell by your ear, instead. “Has he told you what the life expectancy of his girlfriends is? Honestly, I think only a couple of his lady loves even survived the experience.” You whimpered as shivers ran up and down your spine. It was getting more and more difficult to remind yourself that this was Crowley. “Though, Sam is more likely to fall in love with a non-human like yourself than Dean. Sam’s loved a demon, a werewolf, and a kitsune. Dean killed the kitsune, though. It took Sam a while to forgive Dean for that, but he did. Bros before monster hos and all that, you know.” Crowley-as-Sam moaned into your ear and moved his hips against yours again, his other hand squeezing your ass. “And even though he cared for her, Sam killed that werewolf himself. He and Dean worked together to kill the demon. It was too bad. She was good for him.” Sam killed women he loved? Sweet Sam? None of this could be true. You knew these guys. These were supposed to be the good guys. Silent tears streaked down your cheeks.

Crowley snapped his fingers one final time, and he was Crowley again. He still had one hand tangled in your hair, and he put his other hand back on your hip, but moved his head away from yours so he could look you in the eye.

“I may be the King of Hell, but I will never lie to you. I’m a man of my word.” You let your gaze drop, and he moved his hands to your face to force you to look at him, while his eyes moved over your face hungrily. “I will never lie to you, I will never leave you, and I will never break my word. That’s more than the Winchesters or that traitorous angel can say. With them, you’ll be lucky to survive the week. With me, you’ll rule forever.”

You responded weakly, but with all the conviction you could muster. “Why should I believe the King of Hell? How can I know that any of this is true? I mean, King of Hell, not exactly a trustworthy position, you know? I need something before I can trust you more than the people who have already risked their lives to save mine.”

Crowley stepped back, and paced around the altar for a minute, considering your request. You took a deep breath, glad that he seemed to have backed off for the moment.

“All right. I see your point.” He began moving things around on the altar, putting a pinch of this and a pile of that into a bowl in the middle. “You know, your mother was good little witch, by which, I mean, she was the best at being bad. Much like you, she could turn a man into jelly with just a look, and that was without using her spells.” Crowley smirked and you rolled your eyes. “She amassed quite a reputation for herself, so the archangels sent one of their top guys down to take care of her. They didn’t expect her to be able to capture him. She held him for over a year, supposedly getting information out of him. And then, suddenly, they both disappeared. There were rumors that they had fallen in love and had a child and were in hiding. Other rumors said that all three were killed by an archangel. It was the rumors that the child survived that always intrigued me. They seemed to have the most detail. The archangel killed the angel, but lost the witch and the child. By the time the archangel found the witch, the child was hidden. No amount of torture could get the witch to give up the location of her child. The witch was killed, and the child was lost.”

Crowley walked back over to you, causing panic to rise up in your chest again. He caressed your cheek and searched your face while you tried to stay calm. “I’ve been looking for you for a very long time. It’s only been recently that I’ve had the manpower to search in earnest, though.” He gently caressed your cheek, then turned back to the altar.

“You know, the child of a powerful witch and an angel should be something that is easily tracked for someone like me. Yet, there has been no sign of you for 35 years. Your very existence should shine like a beacon through the supernatural world, drawing every damned thing in creation to you. I concluded a long time ago that your mother must have bound your powers. There’s no other explanation for how ordinary you seem on the outside.”

Crowley continued tossing things into the bowl. “So, I’m going to unbind your powers. Once you see that I can do what I say I can do, then we make a deal. Once the deal is sealed, I will teach you how to use them, and the world will be ours. Ready?” With that, Crowley lit a match, and locked eyes with you, frozen in fear, as he recited an incantation and tossed the match into the bowl.

As the match hit the bowl, and flames rose high above it, you felt a searing heat shoot through your body from your feet straight up through your hands. You screamed with the sensation, though it wasn’t pain. As the heat faded away, your arms dropped to your sides, and the heat was replaced with what felt like 10,000 volts of electricity. Your arms were flung wide from your body, and another scream was pulled from your lungs. You heard explosions all around you like fireworks, and after the shocks were done passing through you, you opened your eyes and saw sparks falling from the light fixtures above your head. You saw sparks landing on your skin, but you felt none of them. Glass shards were everywhere, and it seemed every window in the building had exploded. You closed your eyes as you fell to your knees, and stayed there, panting, until your heart finally slowed. When you thought it was over, you opened your eyes and looked up at Crowley.

But Crowley wasn’t there.

You looked around you, fully expecting demons to come running to tie you back up, but none came. The altar was no longer standing near you, but was flung at least fifty feet away on its side. Scorch marks covered the floor, beginning from where you had been tied, and continuing for at least twenty feet in all directions. You heard a clap of thunder overhead and noticed that the previously sunny sky was now grey and ominous. You looked around you, taking in all of the damage. What happened?

Just then, you heard a noise behind you. You stood up and turned around to face it, and saw a one of the demons that had held you outside the motel. He ran toward you, ready to tackle you. You tried to mentally prepare yourself for the attack. Fear filled your body, you closed your eyes, and you put both arms out in front of you and screamed, “NO!”

You felt another blast of heat leave your body, as you braced for the impact of the demon hitting you. But the impact never came.

You opened your eyes, and saw what remained of the demon, charred and smoking on the floor about twenty feet from you. You looked toward the door where he had come through, and saw just a glimpse of a singed Crowley before he disappeared.

“CROWLEY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME???” you howled, and you heard more explosions from the lighting fixtures and saw more sparks falling to the floor with the few remaining shards of glass that had been left in the windows. More thunder boomed overhead. You panted heavily, trying to calm down. As your breathing slowed, you fell to your knees, then collapsed on the floor. When your heartbeat was back to normal, you realized there was rain coming in from the broken windows. The pitter patter of raindrops helped you relax, until you heard a noise behind you. You jumped, looking for the source, and then saw an old can rolling across the floor in the newfound breeze. You took a breath, and a low rumble of thunder gently shook the building.

The rain slowly died off while you sat and considered what had happened. Crowley unbound your powers, all right. Apparently, it was a bit more than he bargained for, though. And now you had the power to what, shoot fire and electricity and cause thunderstorms? You pictured yourself blowing out lightbulbs every time something startled you and giggled. As you did, a ray of sunshine poked through the clouds and fell onto you. You looked at your hands in the sunlight. Now what?

The Winchesters and Castiel. They would know what to do. You searched your pockets, but your phone was gone. Not that it would have survived your little electrical tantrum, anyway. You thought about everything Crowley had told you about the three men you had begun thinking of as your saviors. What would they do now that you were a full-blown, certified monster? You looked at the remains of the one demon that had tried coming near you. Maybe you should be more concerned about what _you_ might do to _them_?

There was nothing left to do but to pray to Castiel and try to give him as much information as possible so they could keep a clear distance.

“Castiel, it’s Myka. I need help. Don’t come too close, though, I don’t want to hurt you. Crowley unbound my powers, and I’ve partially destroyed a warehouse. I don’t know where I am, but a thunderstorm just rolled past, and all the windows in the building are blown out. Crowley ran. I’m alone. I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen if I move. Please come, but be careful. Please come, but be careful. Please come, but be careful.” You started tearing up and crying, and as if the heavens agreed, a gentle rain began to fall again. Between your tears, you kept chanting, “Please come, but be careful. Please come, but be careful.”


	36. Chapter 36

_Sam_

Dean was out of his mind. Sam hadn’t seen him like this in a long time. Cas told them that Myka had sent him a message before Crowley disappeared with her. She understood. The innocent lives were more important. But Cas hadn’t heard anything from her since, and it had been an hour. Cas kept flitting away, trying to get a feel for where she might be, but he kept coming back looking dejected. There was no way to know if Crowley took her somewhere local, or halfway across the world. Sam kept looking at his laptop, looking at different sites for demon omens, but they couldn’t tell him more than that Crowley had demons all over the city. And Crowley had apparently turned off her phone, so that was even a dead end. Meanwhile, Dean kept pacing, muttering about how he should have done something, and barking at Sam to find a way to find her. When Cas finally stopped still and said he was getting a prayer from Myka, Sam thought Dean was going to kiss the angel. Sam was trying to resist the urge the kiss the angel, himself. Then, Cas told Sam to look for thunder storms and abandoned warehouses. When the web site took more than a second to load, Cas almost bit Sam’s head off.

“What’s she saying, Cas? Why are you yelling at Sam?” Dean asked.

“It’s a bit mangled, but I’m getting the gist of it. Crowley unbound her powers and she thinks she’s destroyed the building she’s in. She said Crowley’s gone and she’s alone, but she’s frightened. She just keeps saying over and over, ‘Please come, but be careful.’” Cas looked at Dean with so much sadness in his face. But Sam couldn’t concentrate on that and find freak thunderstorms over warehouses. By the time he finally found one just across town, even the angel was pacing. Cas disappeared in an instant, leaving Sam and Dean to wonder and wait. Sam considered what Cas had said.

“Dean, Cas said the warehouse was destroyed and Crowley ran. I mean, Crowley’s never been much of a fighter, but neither is Myka. What could have happened for the King of Hell to turn tail and run?” Dean looked at Sam with fear in his eyes.

“I don’t know, Sammy.” Sam hesitated to say his next thought, but it had to be said.

“Dean, what if we have to kill her?”

“We’re not killing her, Sam!” Dean barked. “She’s not a monster! We’ll find a way to neutralize her. We always find a way, and we’re not giving up until we do.” Dean rubbed his face with his hands, while Sam just hoped Dean was right.


	37. Chapter 37

_Myka_

It only took Castiel about fifteen minutes to find you. He peeked in the door where you had last seen Crowley, and quietly called your name.

“Myka? Are you okay?” His gruff voice was actually quite calming. You looked up from your hands, and saw him in the doorway. As you smiled, he began to walk in, and you panicked.

“Don’t!!” As you held out a hand to indicate that he should stop, a quick bolt of electricity left your hand and landed about ten feet from you. Castiel stopped in his tracks. “Don’t get too close. I’m not sure exactly what my range is right now, but I’m shooting off shocks and flames every time someone gets too close.” You waved a finger to point at the charred remains of the demon, and jumped with surprise when the corpse flew across the room toward Castiel. As you jumped, another shock left your outstretched hand and hit the floor where the demon’s body had been. “Oh, God. I don’t know what to do to stop it!” You put your hands up to your face and cried some more, apparently causing more rain to fall. You looked up at the rain, and said, “Castiel, am I making it rain? Please tell me I’m not making it rain. If I can make it rain without a thought, what could I do with actual intent?” You put your face back in your hands and sobbed, causing the rain to pour down harder.

“Myka, I have an idea. The worst of your issues seems to be coming from your hands. Try sitting on your hands. Maybe your powers are directed by your hands. If you’re sitting on them, maybe they won’t, you know, go off.”

You nodded, and put your hands underneath you.

“Good. Now, I want to test something. When you waved your finger, you flung this cadaver. See if you can do it without using your hands.”

You looked at the cadaver, thought about what you wanted it to do, and moved your head. You watched as it sailed across the room as you had imagined it.

Castiel coughed and cleared his throat. “Well, that answers that question.” You looked at Castiel helplessly.

“Okay, Myka. I’m going to approach you, slowly and carefully. There’s no need to be scared, I just want to get a little closer to you and be able to talk to you, okay?”

You nodded, and Castiel came towards you, stopping just outside the scorch marks.

“Besides flinging lightning bolts and fireballs, how are you feeling, Myka?”

You shook your head. “Crowley did a real number on me, Castiel. He told me things about you and Dean and Sam. He wanted me to be his queen. He wants me to be the Queen of Hell and rule with him. He gave me some information about my parents. He offered me healthy children. He told me all of Heaven and Hell and everything in between would bow down to us. I thought he was joking, but _I’m making it rain_ , Castiel.” You started rocking back and forth, carefully keeping your hands underneath you. You looked up at Castiel in despair. “ _I’m making it rain and I can’t stop_.”

Castiel looked at you and you can feel the sadness coming from him. He looked down at his feet, while you continued rocking, staring at the floor, tears streaming down your face.

“All right, Myka. I’m going to call Dean and tell him what happened. He and Sam are frantic right now. After I got your prayer, I told them I’d call them when I found you. They might know what to do.”

You looked up at him in fear, and almost yelled, “ _Don’t let them come too close!_ Tell them to stay outside the door. I think my radius for lethal fire is inside the building, as long as I can keep myself together.” Castiel nodded, and took out his phone. “Oh, and you might want to take anything electronic outside in case I start throwing shocks again.” Castiel nodded again, and walked outside. You heard him make the call and explain to Dean where you were and what had happened. After a lengthy conversation, he hung up and walked back into the building toward you.

“Dean is going to call the witch we were planning on seeing today and see if she can come now to help you. If all goes well, they should be here within an hour.”

“Thank you, Castiel.”

“You’re welcome, Myka.”


	38. Chapter 38

Castiel looked around the warehouse while you sat quietly, assessing the damage. Once he had seen everything, he dragged a chair over to just outside the burn radius on the floor and sat down.

“Myka, do you want to talk about what happened with Crowley? What he did to you?” You nodded, and started to tell him everything. When you started to cry and the rain picked up again, you paused and took a deep breath to calm yourself down. You happily noticed that the rain stopped again as you relaxed. Maybe you were getting the hang of this. You continued talking, but stopped when you got to what Crowley had said about him.

“Castiel? Crowley said you once cut out the heart of a Nephilim for a simple spell, and that you never regretted it. Is that true?” The look on Castiel’s face told you much of what you needed to know.

“Myka, I was… naïve… and I was told that it needed to be done because the spell was for the greater good. I was wrong, and I have regretted that action many times. Although there was once a time that killing Nephilim was in my job description, that time is long past, and I would never hurt you if I could avoid it. Although what Crowley said was technically the truth, it was not the whole truth. That’s the kind of truth Crowley does best, I’m afraid.”

You searched Castiel’s face, and you knew that he was telling the truth. You took a deep breath to prevent more tears and rain, and gave him a small smile.

“Okay, then. Thank you for being honest with me. That helps.” You then continued to tell Castiel what Crowley had said about Dean and Sam, your parents, and about how he unbound your powers and what happened afterwards.

“So, Crowley is still alive?” You nodded at Castiel.

“Yeah. I saw him outside the door for just a second after I deep fried his demon over there. I get the feeling that I turned out to be a bit more than he could handle. He looked a little singed.” You chuckled and smiled, and saw Castiel react to the beam of early evening sunshine that appeared.

Just then, you heard car doors slam outside, and you saw Dean’s face as he peeked into the building from beside the open door. You were feeling better about your control on things, so decided to invite him inside.

“It’s okay, Dean. As long as you don’t get closer to me than Cas is, you should be okay.”

Dean nodded, and then slowly, he and Sam walked into the building, with a woman following behind them. Dean looked around at all the damage and whistled.

“Damn, Princess. Remind me not to piss you off.” At just that moment, he nearly tripped over the burned demon. He stopped dead, looked at the demon, looked up at you, pointed to the demon, and asked, “Myka… Did you flambé this demon, young lady? You know it’s not nice to fry demons by yourself and deny me a little fun.” You actually laughed at that as you nodded, and you saw Dean react to the sudden influx of sunshine. He looked at the windows and back at you nervously, but continued walking toward you. When the three of them reached Castiel, they all stopped.

Sam looked at you in with eyes wide. “Myka, you did… _all_ … of this?” He waved a hand to indicate the broken lights, the broken windows, the scorched floor, and the scattered debris. You looked up at him nervously and nodded.

“And I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but apparently, I’m affecting the weather, too. When Crowley left, I yelled after him, and had an echoing rumble of thunder. Oh, and every time I cry, it rains.” You gave him a big, but nervous, smile, and felt the sunbeam fall on you again.

Dean squinted his eyes at you and said, “So what, now you’re an X-Man? Do I have to call you Storm from now on?”

You chuckled and shook your head. “No. I don’t think so. God, I hope not. I’d look horrid in those outfits.” You smiled as the entire warehouse was suddenly bathed in golden light. “But I have to admit, doing _that_ is kind of cool, man.” Everyone looked around in wonder and nodded in agreement.

Dean put his bag down and rubbed his hands together. “All right. Let’s get this moving before the sun goes down, because it looks like we’ve got no lights. So, go over everything that you personally have done since Crowley did whatever it was he did. Susan, here, is going to see if she can help you.”

While you tried to explain how Crowley unbound your powers, and exactly what had happened afterwards, Sam scrounged up some chairs, and pulled the altar table back over closer to you. He was careful not to set up anything inside what they were all starting to call the “blast radius.” When you were done, you looked at Dean and Sam, and couldn’t help but smile at their expressions. They were obviously impressed with what you had done. There were some questions from everyone about what exactly happened in what order, what were you feeling when this or that happened, and then the men yielded the floor to Susan.

Susan was the last thing you expected in a witch. She looked more like a soccer mom, really. She had a kind face, long straight dark hair, and was wearing jeans and a sweater under her jacket. She came closer to you, and you warned her about the radius, but she walked toward you, anyway.

“From what you’ve told me, I think the way you’re sitting on your hands and keeping calm are effectively restraining any errant releases of power. As long as you stay calm, and your hands stay restrained, I think I’ll be okay.” She came over to where you were on the floor, sat down next to you, wrapped her arms around you and gave you a big hug. It felt so good to have someone trust you enough to give you a hug, you leaned into it, and tears started streaming down your face. When you opened your eyes, you saw Sam and Dean looking out the windows at the rain. Sam looked over at you with sadness in his eyes and sighed.

Susan released you, patted your arm, and said, “All right, now let’s get down to work. I’ve already seen some of what you can do, but I need to see more. I’m going to have us all go outside, and I’m going to stand there where I can see you. We’ll be safe, so don’t you worry about us. Once we’re outside, I want you to think about how you felt today when you went off. Were you angry, were you scared, were you surprised, what were you feeling? Once you identify that, I want you to feel it again, and try to do your worst. Flame out, make a thunderstorm, make it rain, send out lightning bolts, whatever you want. Make things fly across the room, too, if you can. Think of this like you would screaming into a pillow. This building is a safe place, and I want you to let it all out. Once I see for myself exactly what you’re capable of, then we can talk options. Okay?” You nodded, and the others grabbed their bags and everybody left. You saw Susan standing outside the door, and she called in when everyone was clear. You saw the other three crowding behind Susan so they could see, too.

You took your hands out from underneath you, and stood up. You thought about everything Crowley said. You thought about him telling you about your friends and making you think horrible things about them. You felt the anger and the fear start to fill you up. You thought about how he touched you when he pretended to be your friends. You thought about his plans for you, and imagined he was standing right next to you. You heard the roll of thunder as the wind began to pick up. You brought your arms up into the air and screamed his name with everything you had in you while you felt flames lick your skin and rise into the ceiling. You looked up and watched the flames touch the steel rafters. The rain that had begun to fall in through the windows did nothing to beat back the fire you created. You thought again of Crowley’s hands on your body, squeezing your ass, and the flames died down to only be replaced by lightning bolts. You aimed each bolt towards a light fixture, giving yourself a tangible target to aim your rage and frustration at. With each bolt, you screamed your rage at Crowley for touching you, for changing you, for making you afraid. It gave you a certain kind of satisfaction to see the light spark and swing, and for good measure, you waved your hand and caused it come crashing to the floor. As angry tears streamed down your face, mixed with raindrops from the rain that was now fiercely blowing in through the windows, you gave out a primal yell that was echoed by thunder outside. You began to feel the calm start to return, but your hands were still shaking, so you waved at another light fixture and smiled as it came crashing down. And another one. And another one. You finally let your hands drop to your sides, and you stood there with your head down, panting, as your heartbeat finally slowed.

After a long minute, as the rain started to dissipate, you looked outside and saw your friends waiting. You smiled a little, feeling more in control now than you had since this started, and carefully waved your hands at the debris to clear a path from the door to you. The light fixtures and glass shards slid easily with each gesture. When the path was clear, you lined the chairs up in front of you, and found you could even carefully move the table that was the altar to in front of the chairs. You looked around, saw more chairs in a corner, and with a swish of a finger, one of them slid over to you, stopping directly behind you. Very satisfied with what you did, you sat down on the chair, making sure to sit on your hands again. You looked out the door and yell, “Is that enough? Do you need me to do more?”

You smiled while you watched your friends slowly walk back into the building, and you smiled even brighter when you saw the last of the sun’s rays shine in the empty windows before it set. All four slowly approached you and sat down in the chairs you had set up so neatly.

The men all look very freaked out, to say the least. Susan, however, was beaming.

“Myka, that is the most controlled show of that kind of power I have ever seen in someone with no formal training. You started out a little erratic with the flames, but you aimed the bolts, and hit your targets. And the way you cleared the path and set up the chairs and table was impressive. There are a lot of witches that would do anything for the natural gift that you have, and the ability to control it so quickly. I’m willing to bet that you have more powers inside of you that come from more positive emotions, too.” Susan paused, and then brought her chair over to you so she could sit in front of you. “Myka, you have a lot of options in front of you. But let’s start with questions. Do you have any questions?”

You nodded and smiled nervously. “I have been told that my natural gift, as you call it, comes from dark magic. And since it comes from dark magic, it’s going to be very difficult to stay light. Now that I have seen what I can do, I’m afraid of what would happen if I went dark. I know that with time and teaching, I could control my powers, but bad things happen in life that can’t be controlled. What happens the next time someone cuts me off at the grocery store and I get mad? I don’t want to accidentally fry someone for failing to use their turn signal, you know? What happens if a man breaks my heart? What happens if someone I love dies? There will be times when I will not be calm, and I’m afraid that those will be the moments when the darkness will creep in and take over the light. I won’t want it, but I will always be afraid of it. And by the time I realize what has happened, it might be too late. I don’t want Dean and Sam and Cas to have to hunt me someday. Crowley said my powers were bound before. As much as I enjoy the thought of cleaning a house with a wave of a hand, this is so much more than I want. Can you bind my powers again so that I won’t be a ticking bomb?” Susan searched your face, and then nodded.

 “I think I can. You are far more powerful than I am, so I might not be able to bind you completely, but I think my binding would at least reduce your powers to minimal levels. I’ve never tried this with a witch more powerful than I am, so this will be a new experience for both of us.” Susan smiled and patted your arm.


	39. Chapter 39

_Dean_

As he worked to make sure they had enough light after the sun went down, Dean marveled at what he had seen Myka do. It was terrifying, that went without saying, but it was beautiful, too. At first, Dean thought she was on fire, and he wanted to run to her and try to douse the flames, but Cas had held him back. That’s when he realized, she wasn’t burning. It was more like this bright, white glow that came from her skin, and only turned to flame when it left her body. She continued to glow while she shot lightning bolts at the ceiling and screamed Crowley’s name with so much anguish tears came to Dean’s eyes. Luckily, the rain she made washed away the tears before anyone could see them. The weird thing was, throughout the entire thing, all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her it would all be okay. He could feel her anger and her fear in the thunder and the lightning, and the rain was her tears, and he just wanted to hold her until the sun came out again.

And when she was calm, Dean saw the change in her from fearful and angry to confident and downright badass. Pulling that last chair over to herself was just showing off, and Dean had to admit, it was sexy as hell.


	40. Chapter 40

_Sam_

Watching Susan work with Myka brought a sigh of relief to Sam. The show Myka had put on was both terrifying and heartbreaking at the time, and now that it was past, he just desperately hoped that Susan could help her. He had stood there, completely frozen in his spot, the entire time Myka had flamed out, for lack of a better term. He had felt so many things going through him as she had raged and cried: fear, his own anger, sadness, and something else he wasn’t ready to think about, just yet. He was just glad it was past and she seemed better. Although having someone on your side who could do the kind of damage he saw around them would be great, one person having that amount of raw power was never a good thing. Though, he had to admit, the extra crispy demon was seriously cool as hell, and he was sorry he had missed out on seeing that.


	41. Chapter 41

_Myka_

While Susan prepared the binding spell, Sam and Dean set out camping lights since the sun had set. It took Susan about half an hour to prepare the spell, and after she completed it, you spent another half an hour testing out if it worked. You could still move the chairs a little, but not the table, and no matter how angry you tried to make yourself, there were no flames or bolts. Best yet, when tears fell down your face, the sky remained clear. Susan left you with instructions on how to unbind your powers again, should you ever change your mind, and Dean offered to drive her home while the rest of you packed up to go.

While the three of you waited for Dean to return, Sam and Cas sat next to you. You grabbed each of their hands, and thanked them sincerely for being there. You looked at Cas and asked him if he needed to go, and he admitted that he had been hearing a call for a while, but had ignored it, feeling that you were the more urgent issue at hand. You stood up as he stood up, you hugged him close, and you made him promise that he would visit you again soon when he had free time. With his usual flutter he was gone.

Now that you were alone with Sam, you needed to ask him about what Crowley had said.

“Sam, Crowley spent some time trying to make me doubt you guys. I’ve already hashed out what he told me about Cas, but I need to ask you. Crowley made a special point to tell me, and I’m paraphrasing a little here, that the life expectancy of your romantic interests is near zilch. He really wanted me to know that you had dated a demon, a werewolf, and something called a kitsune, and that you had a hand in killing two of them.” Sam swallowed hard and studied his hands. “After talking with Cas, I understand that Crowley wasn’t telling me the whole story. Would you be willing to tell me the rest?”

Sam nodded and you got to hear the tale of Madison the werewolf, whom he thought he had saved, but then discovered he hadn’t, and that she had asked him to kill her. He also gave you the short version of his relationship with Ruby, making sure you understood that there was a lot more to it, and he would tell you some day when you had more time. She had used him, and convinced him that the wrong thing to do was the right thing to do, and Dean helped him take her out when she revealed what she had done. He then explained what a kitsune was, and why he couldn’t kill her, and why Dean did. Although you didn’t like the way Dean had handled it, you understood. As Sam was finishing up, Dean returned, and you all headed back to the hotel room.

Once back at the room, you headed for the shower, and spent a ridiculously long time trying to scrub away the feeling of Crowley’s hands on you. Once your skin was glowing red, you got out and got into your usual tank top and pajama pants, taking extra care to comb out your hair and pamper yourself a little bit. You eyed the bruise that was forming near your eye and frowned. Hopefully some makeup would hide that in the morning. When you emerged from the bathroom, Sam had gone out for food, so you sat down next to Dean, who was watching TV from one of the beds.

“Dean? Crowley was telling me things about you guys, trying to make me not trust you. I’ve talked to Cas and Sam, already, but now I need to talk to you.” Dean looked very worried, but turned off the TV to give you his full attention. “Crowley basically called you a womanizer, and said that you wouldn’t have stayed with Lisa if Sam hadn’t all but forced you to. Now, your personal life is your business, not mine, so if you don’t want to talk to me about it, I understand. But he also told me about Sam’s kitsune, and how you feel about monsters and anything not human. I need to know, since I’m apparently not human. Do you have a problem with me that we’re going to have to deal with?” You couldn’t bear to look up at him, so you fiddled with the hem of your pants and waited for him to respond.

Dean grabbed one of your hands with his, and when you still didn’t look up, he put his hand under your chin and lifted it until you were looking him in the eye. “Myka, you just gave up serious power because you were afraid that you were going to hurt people. As long as you feel that way, then I have no problem with you.” He dropped his hand, now he was sure you wouldn’t drop your gaze. “I admit, watching you in action today was terrifying. Beautiful and impressive as hell, but terrifying. I kind of wish Crowley had been there so you could have deep fried him, but we’ll take care of him later.” He smiled and rubbed circles into your hand with his thumb. Even though you were exhausted, you still felt a tingle when he did it. “As for my relationship with Lisa, it’s true that I wouldn’t have gone to her if Sam hadn’t specifically told me to. But once I was there, I never wanted to leave. I had to leave, because I couldn’t balance what I do with what she and Ben needed. And that’s why I avoid any relationship longer than a couple of days.” Dean looked down at his hands and yours. “I’m a hunter, and hunters don’t get to live an apple pie life. It’s better not to try.”

You sat still for a moment, letting what he said sink in, and then quickly kissed his cheek. “Okay. I get it. I may not completely understand it, but it’s better than what Crowley was trying to make me think.” _Yeah, that you chase anything in a skirt except me._

“Crowley’s a dick. Maybe he didn’t outright lie, but he twists things. It’s his job. And now, he knows better than to mess with you, Princess. Am I right?” He smiled and gave you a little smack on the arm. You smiled and agreed. You grabbed the TV remote and turned it back on, and then laid down on the bed and closed your eyes. You were surprised you had kept them open this long, but you remembered what Missouri had said. No secrets.


	42. Chapter 42

_You are back in the warehouse, hands tied above your head. Cas stands in front of you, an evil gleam in his eyes that terrifies you. He moves closer to you, putting his hands on your hips and his mouth near your ear. You shudder in fear as he whispers quietly._

_“You are an abomination, Myka. You are a crime against nature. Just looking at you is an insult to God and His Creation. I’m going to tear you limb from limb and enjoy every minute of it.”_

_You whimper and try to scream, but you can’t find the air to fill your lungs. The only thought in your head is, “No. No. Cas, not you, please, no.” You try to hide your face and close your eyes, but a rough hand grabs your chin and jerks your head forward._

_“Aw, c’mon, Princess! Don’t be like that!” Your eyes fly open to see Dean’s deep, green eyes now inches from you, looking like he smells something awful. “Just because you’re a monster and I’ll have to kill you someday doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?” The hand under your chin begins to wrap around your neck, choking you._

_You close your eyes again, shaking your head forcefully, whimpering as tears roll down your face, but screaming inside, “No. No, Dean. Please don’t. Please, I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll stay good. Please don’t.” You struggle against the ropes, trying to free yourself, but they won’t budge._

_The hand around your neck loosens, and it’s now Sam’s hazel eyes looking down at you. He lowers his head so you feel his hair brush against your cheek. His nose brushes against yours in a gentle caress, and he rubs his thumb along your bottom lip. “I could love you, even a monster like you, but then I’d have to kill you. Or Dean would kill you for me. Either way, you have to die, though.” With that, his lips press to yours and his hand tightens around your throat again. You try to fight him, screaming in your head, “No, Sam, no, please, please, no!”_

“Myka! Wake up! C’mon, Princess, wake up!” Rough hands shook you, and your eyes flew open to see Dean’s face close to yours as he shook your shoulders. Your eyes widened, and you jumped away from him, covering your face with your hands and bringing your knees up to your chest.

“Please don’t hurt me, Dean, please don’t!!” You cried and then you whimpered, burying your face in your knees and covering your head with your hands.

You heard Sam come closer and he put a hand on your shoulder, which made you flinch. “Hey, hey, hey, Myka, nobody is going to hurt you, you’re safe, now. It’s us. We won’t hurt you, I promise.”

You were shaking and you just couldn’t stop the sobs. Both Dean and Sam stopped trying to touch you, but kept talking to you, telling you that you’re okay and that they weren’t going to hurt you. You finally started to hear them, and slowly began to relax. When you finally lifted your head and opened your eyes, you saw them both sitting in front of you with confused and worried looks.

“Hey, there you go, Myka, it’s okay. It’s just us. You’re safe.” Sam kept trying to reassure you, and you finally nodded and agreed.

“I’m safe. It’s over. I’m safe. It’s over.” You said it over and over again until it finally started to feel true. Dean grabbed a box of tissues and pushed it close to you. You grabbed a handful and started to clean up your face, wincing when you accidentally touched the bruise near your eye.

Once you finally calmed down and were able to smile at the boys again, you saw them visibly relax. You looked at the clock and realized it’s after 1AM. You gave your nose a final blow before trying to speak.

“I’m so sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to bed, really. I’ll be fine.”

Dean and Sam looked at each other, then looked back at you and talked over each other.

“No way in hell,” said Dean.

“Not gonna happen,” said Sam.

Sam reached out to touch your arm, and you flinched, involuntarily. A hurt look passed over his face, but he pulled away. Dean watched this, and studied you.

“What the heck were you dreaming about, Myka? I tried to wake you up and you started fighting me and crying. And now you’re acting like we’re radioactive. What’s going on?”

You looked at him and realized that you had to tell them exactly what Crowley did. They won’t understand and they’ll just keep pushing if you don’t.

“I was dreaming about what happened today. Before the fireworks started.” Dean’s face turned to stone.

“Crowley.” He looked away for a moment, then took a deep breath and looked back at you. “What did he do?” You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

 “Remember when I said he told me things about you guys?”

Both of them nodded, and Dean replied, “Yeah. Half truths. We cleared that up, right?”

“We did, but it wasn’t so much what he said, although hearing the things he said wasn’t great, but it was more how he said it that I was dreaming about.” Dean and Sam both looked confused.

“He pretended to be you when he said what he said. When he told me about Cas, he looked and sounded like Cas. Same for you two.” You paused, unsure of exactly how to explain the rest. You could already see the anger building in Dean’s face. “And while he was you, and was telling me all of those awful things… he was… touching me.” You brought your knees back up closer to your chest and hugged them again.

Dean got up from the bed and almost screams, “Son of a _BITCH!_ ” He started to pace around the room angrily. Sam sat up straighter, and leaned away from you for a second, staring at you in anguish.

“Myka, did he…?” Sam couldn’t finish the sentence.

“No! Oh, no! No, it didn’t get that far, though, I can tell you he would have liked it to.” Sam and Dean both seemed to heave a sigh of relief, but still look upset. “He just kissed my neck… and… squeezed my butt… and…” you stopped talking as a shudder passed through you. “It wouldn’t have been so bad if he was _him_ when he did it. But he wasn’t. He was you guys. It’s one thing to have the King of Hell tell you you’re beautiful and he wants you and manhandle you a bit. That’s easy enough to brush off. Dude, he’s the freaking King of Hell, and I want no part of that. It’s just harder to hear when it comes from a friend that you care about, and then in the next breath that friend is talking about how he wants to kill you. To call it mixed messages would be an understatement.”

Dean paced angrily and started swearing under his breath. “The next time I see him, that’s it. This time, he has gone _too far_ , dammit. Now he’s hurting _my_ friends while wearing _my_ face? The son of a bitch is _gone_ the next time I see him.” Dean grabbed his coat and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

You and Sam both jumped when the door slammed. “Sam, is he going to be okay?”

“Yeah. He just needs time to cool off. He’ll find an open bar and call me to pick him up in an hour.” Sam smiled at you sadly. “No wonder you freaked when we tried to wake you up. It must have felt like your nightmare was coming true.” He furrowed his brow and looked down at his hands.

“A little, yeah. I’m better, now, though.” You grabbed one of his hands with both of yours. “What Crowley did was definitely bad touch, and I think I just need some time and some good touches to erase it from my head.” You looked up at Sam. “This may seem like a weird request right now, but can I have a hug? I could really use one.”

Sam nodded while you both stood up, and he carefully wrapped his arms around you, resting his chin on your head. At first, you tensed, flashes of Crowley flitting through your mind, and then the warmth that is inherently Sam started to seep into your skin, and you relaxed. After about a minute, you pulled away and thanked him.

“All right, now I just need one of those from Cas and Dean, and I should be set, right?” You chuckled, but Sam could still see the sadness you’re feeling.

“I hate that he did that to you. I understand why he did it, because it’s an effective way to put a wedge between you and us, but it does seem almost unnecessarily cruel.”

“Yeah well, I guess when he didn’t get a reaction from me as himself, he decided to see if I’d react to you guys. Let’s see, how did he put it? Oh yes, you all do ‘have a certain sex appeal,’ he said.” You chuckled, and Sam scrunched his face and smiled.

“Should I be flattered that Crowley thinks I’m good looking,” Sam asked while he laughed. You laughed with him and nodded your head. “Well, all righty then! Maybe next time instead of our usual tricks, we’ll just flirt with him!” You both burst out laughing at this. Man, it felt good to laugh.

You and Sam chatted some more, and then Sam offered you some leftovers from the dinner he picked up that you slept through. True to his word, Sam got a call from Dean about 2AM, and you both piled into a cab and brought him back to the motel. Even with a few drinks in him, you could tell that Dean was nervous to come too close to you, so when you got back into the room, you swallowed your fear and gave him a hug. It took him a couple of seconds before his arms wrapped around you, but they finally did. After a moment, you pulled away to look up at him.

“I feel better, now. How about you?” He looked down at you and gave you a drunken smile.

“Yeah, I guess.” With that, he let you go and headed back to the bed and flopped on it. You crawled under the covers, and fell asleep before Sam even got the light turned off.


	43. Chapter 43

_Dean_

He couldn’t bear to touch her. Not after how Crowley had touched her, using his face. Touching her would hurt her, no matter how much he wanted to. Who was he kidding, getting involved with him in any way, shape, or form would get her hurt. But she hugged him, and he couldn’t stop himself, so he hugged her back. She felt so good. Too good. Too good for him.

And when she nestled into his side in the middle of the night, he couldn’t stop himself from wrapping an arm around her, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He couldn’t be what she needed. He’d only hurt her or get her killed, because that’s what he does. But when she moaned in her sleep, trying to chase away a bad dream, he kissed her on the forehead, anyway.


	44. Chapter 44

_Myka_

What felt like a few minutes later, you heard someone trying to tell you to wake up, that it was time to go. You waved them off, and their voice faded into the background as you fell back to sleep. Later, you thought you felt someone carrying you, and you nestled your head in their shoulder before dozing off again. You wondered if you will always dream of the smell of whiskey and soap in shades of plaid from now on. At one point, you thought you heard what sounded like a car horn, but you just pulled the blanket over your head and figured it must be a dream. The next time you started to wake, you were definitely being carried, your head resting on Dean’s shoulder. You mumbled something unintelligible, even to you, and wrapped your arms around his neck. You felt him lay you down on a bed, and carefully remove your hands from his neck. You groaned at the loss of warmth, until he covered you with a blanket. You thought you felt his lips on your forehead, but you were already too far asleep again to be sure.

When you finally did open your eyes again, you realized you were no longer in the motel room you were in when you fell asleep. You looked next to you, and Sam was sprawled out on top of the covers, snoring softly. You smiled, wondering how you managed to avoid being the filling in a Sam Winchester sandwich again. You looked around the room, and realized that wherever you were, it wasn’t a motel room. There was an ancient looking clock on the night stand that told you that it was 6AM. Okay. Looked like you slept through an entire day, maybe? And you were hungry. There was a glass of water on the night stand and you drank it down, which made your stomach stop growling for the time being. You sat up a bit, leaning against the headboard of the bed and looked down at the sleeping Winchester fondly. Maybe you didn’t have to wake him to find out where you were? You were just about to attempt to leave the bed without disturbing Sam when you heard a quiet knock on the door and the door opened. Dean stuck his head around the door and smiled when he saw you were awake. You slipped out of the bed and followed Dean outside the room to a tiled hallway that appeared to be in the style of a 1950’s high school.

“Dean, where are we?” You looked around and tried to make your tired brain piece together what you were seeing. “And is there a bathroom?” You grinned at Dean while trying not to do the potty dance like a little kid.

“This is the bunker, and the bathroom is at the end of the hall.” Dean pointed you in the right direction and you ran off to take care of business.


	45. Chapter 45

That first day in the bunker was all about unpacking and getting settled in. The boys showed you around the bunker and did their best to take care of you. Dean made you the best burger you had ever tasted for lunch, and Sam clucked over you like a mother hen when you were hauling around your suitcase and unpacking. He helped you make a list of things you would need, and offered to make a run for you the next day. The bedroom they set you up in was the third in the hallway, Sam’s being first and Dean’s second. Although there was more than one bathroom in the living quarters, you all decided to just share, since the next nearest bathroom was too far away. You suspected that the boys wanted to keep a close eye on you until you found your new normal, and it was fine by you, for the time being, at least. The only excitement in the first day was a visit from Cas.

Cas appeared in the library while Sam and Dean were showing you the stacks. Cas seemed upset, and you could tell that the boys wanted to keep whatever problem Cas was bringing away from you, but Cas overruled them when he looked at you and said, “It’s about Myka.” After all of you were sitting at one of the big tables, Cas started talking.

“I mentioned that I was hearing a call for a while before I left the last time I saw you. Well, the call was an alarm, tripped by Myka. Apparently, you can’t cause massive weather fluctuations in such a small geographical area without attracting Heavenly attention. When I responded to the call, I was told to investigate. I told them that I had just come from there, and that the matter was settled.” Hearing this, Dean interrupted.

“You didn’t tell them about Myka, did you? About her being a Nephilim?”

Cas shook his head. “No, I did not. I told them pretty much everything else, but I left that part out. They know that Crowley unbound a powerful witch, and that the witch has since been bound again, with no intentions of ever unbinding voluntarily. They know that the witch’s power is dark, but the witch herself is not, and so they applaud her decision to be bound again. However, it took many arguments over the past couple of days to get them to see that point. I had to tell them that the witch in question is under your protection, and is your responsibility, as well as mine. Had I told them she was a Nephilim, you would have an army of angels outside your door right now. As it stands, should anything happen to Myka, we three will be held accountable.”

“Held accountable?” You had a feeling you know what means, but you had to ask.

Cas spoke slowly, carefully choosing his words. “Should you become a problem, Heaven will expect us to neutralize you.”

You nodded. “Kill me.” Dean and Sam started to argue, but Cas held up a hand to quiet them. Cas then turned to you and took your hands in his, piercing you with his gaze.

“If there is no other way, then yes. But I can assure you, all other avenues will be exhausted before that is even considered. And if Heaven or any of its angels decide to take that responsibility from me, I will protect you to the best of my ability.” You saw the solemn promise written all over the angel’s face, and nodded in acceptance, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat at such an earnest promise.

 “Okay, then. If that’s how it’s got to be, then that’s how it’s got to be. As always, Cas, I appreciate your honesty. And in this particular instance, I also appreciate your loyalty and what you’ve done for me.” You put a hand up to his face, stroked his cheek, and smiled at him. “I’m lucky to have such an angel as a friend.”

Even though it brought back feelings of fear from your nightmares, you stood and urged Cas to stand, too, and you hugged him. It took him a moment to respond, but eventually he did. You noticed that hugging him was different than hugging anyone else. Cas was solid, and cool, almost like he was made of marble underneath his skin. You finally started to feel warmth from him when you broke the hug and sat back down. Cas sat, too, and you looked at the boys.

“Okay, then. So, let’s review: Heaven is okay with me for now, as long as I don’t let on that I’m half angel. My witchy powers are mostly bound, though I have to admit to moving a couple of small things around every now and then just to test my limits.” The boys looked a bit concerned about this, but you shushed them and continue. “I’m not trying to do anything big, I’m just finding my parameters so I don’t accidentally do something big. I accidently chucked my toothbrush across the room this morning, and I thought maybe figuring out what makes what happen might be a good idea. So far, a chair seems to be my limit for telekinesis, and I almost lit a candle without a match. Almost. Anyway, to top it all off, The King of Hell wants to marry me and give me babies that will rule the world. Anything I’m forgetting?”

All three gave you a serious look, but shook their heads.

“All right. So, what’s the plan? Do we have a plan? Do we need a plan?”

Dean piped up first. “Well, you’ll stay here in the bunker where it’s safe, until we get a feel for how dangerous it is for you leave, even for a trip to the store. In the meantime, Sam and I will teach you to fight and shoot. Once we know you can defend yourself, then we’ll loosen things up around here, and go from there. In our spare time, we’re hunting Crowley. I want the son of a bitch’s head stuffed and mounted on the dungeon wall, and I want it there, yesterday.” Dean slapped a hand on the table to accent the last point, making the rest of you jump.

“Well, I can’t say I wouldn’t be happier knowing Crowley’s not out there creeping on me, but don’t show me that particular hunting trophy, okay?” You chuckled, hoping you took the edge off of the tension that was apparent in the hunter. Dean nodded, but he didn’t smile.


	46. Chapter 46

That night, you slept fitfully, waking up almost every hour, frightened by dreams you couldn’t remember. After your third time waking up, you heard a quiet knock on your door. You turned on the light and said, “C’mon in. I’m awake, apparently.”

Dean stuck his head around the door and said, “Yeah. I could tell. Been listening to you from next door since you came in here. Want some company?” The thought that you were making so much noise that Dean could hear you through cement walls mortified you.

“Holy cow, Dean, am I really that loud when I’m having these dreams? I’m so sorry. I don’t want to keep you guys awake, too. This will pass, eventually, I know it. Should I add ear plugs for you to the list I gave to Sam of things I need from the store?”

Dean chuckled and sat down on the bed next to you. ‘No. No ear plugs. I’d rather hear you and know what’s going on than sleep through it and be oblivious. Same dreams?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Though they aren’t as vivid, and Crowley is staying Crowley, now, so it’s not you guys coming after me anymore. Hopefully, in another night or two, I’ll be able to keep my dreams to myself. I don’t usually make this much noise. My husband always said he could tell when I was really stressed about something, because I’d talk and make noise in my sleep. He said sometimes it was easier to get me to talk when I was asleep than awake.” You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “Once things calm down and I get into a routine, I shouldn’t bother you anymore.” Dean shook his head and patted your hand.

“It’s not a bother. Like I said, I need to keep informed. How about I bunk in here tonight like we did at the motels, and then maybe we’ll both get some sleep?”

“Geez, Dean, I feel like a little kid.” You paused, and considered how much better you seemed to sleep with a Winchester around. “Oh, all right. But I’m doing this for you. I’ll feel terrible if I have to add stealing your sleep to the number of problems I cause you!” You scooted over on the bed and lifted up the covers as Dean took off his robe, leaving him in a t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

“It’s hardly a problem being forced to share a bed with a beautiful woman.” He gave you his best flirty smile and chuckled as he crawled in next to you, putting an arm around you.  

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Romeo.” You tried to play it off as a joke, but you blushed at the idea that Dean might actually consider you beautiful. You couldn’t help but snuggle into his side and rest your head on his shoulder. Dean turned off the light, and as you started to drift off, you thought about how this was a dangerous precedent to set. If you weren’t so very tired, sleep would likely be the furthest thing from your mind.


	47. Chapter 47

You woke the next morning by yourself, and when you reached over to the other side of the bed, all you came back with was a note.

_Making breakfast. If I don’t see you in the kitchen, I’ll bring some back for you. –D_

You ran a hand over the other side of the bed and felt the cold sheets. The pillows still smelled like a mix of Dean’s shampoo and something intangible that is just uniquely Dean, and somehow his not being there made you sigh. You knew he was only doing this so that you didn’t keep waking him up, but it had been a long time since you’d slept in someone’s arms. Your relationship with Steve had not even gotten close to the point where staying the night was an option, so waking up to someone in the morning was a welcome change. Eventually, though, it would have to stop. Dean and Sam were your friends, not to mention your guardians for now and forever, and chasing anything more would just complicate matters.  _You need to stop thinking of them as the distractingly attractive, wonderfully caring, completely irresistible men that they are._  You sighed.  _Yeah, because that will be easy._

You heard a knock on the door, and the door opened enough for Dean to stick his head in. He saw you were awake and smiled.

“Rise and shine, kiddo! I’ve got breakfast!” He opened the door wider and carried in a tray with a huge pile of food on it. He brought it over to the bed while you sat up, and he set the tray down in front of you, then sat on the other side of it. “I went a little nuts and made a little bit of everything. Sam is stuck on his nuts and twigs in the morning, so it’s rare I get to make a real breakfast.”

You looked over the small feast, thanked him for cooking, and you both dug in. You weren’t surprised to learn that Dean’s breakfast was just as good as his burgers. With your mouth full, you could barely express how good everything was, and Dean just smiled proudly. You chatted about cooking while you ate, swapping your pancake horror stories for his tales of box cake failures. When you couldn’t eat another bite, he put the tray on the floor and got serious.

“Okay, Myka, the plan for today is training. Wear comfortable clothes that aren’t too baggy and you don’t mind sweating in. I’m going to take you down to the firing range and see how you are with a gun. Then, Sam is going to show you some self-defense moves in the training room. We figure if you can learn to flip someone as big as him, a demon won’t faze you.” He gave you one of his devastating smiles and you chuckled.

Half an hour later, you were showered and dressed in what you could most closely call workout gear: sweats and a t-shirt, and Dean was leading you to the firing range. Dean was pleased with what you already knew after your lessons with your old boss, and even called Sam down to show you off. The two of them then had you try different kinds of guns, in varying sizes, and the shotgun nearly blew you off your feet. Sam got behind you and adjusted a few things about how you held the gun and how you stood. He put his hands on you and moved your hips and your feet and your shoulders into a better position, and you had to take a deep breath to keep yourself steady. You hoped they didn’t see you blush, and you pushed your focus on to the target like they told you. After about an hour, Dean was pleased with your progress, and was talking about taking you outside to try more difficult targets in the future.

After target practice, the three of you headed to the workout room. Since you had no training in self-defense at all, Sam agreed to start slow. Dean watched from the sidelines, sitting on the weight bench and offering the occasional tip.

“First, let me see how strong you are. You know, how hard can you hit me, what are your strengths and where are you weakest.” Sam guided you through how he wanted you to hit him, showing you how to pull your arm back, how to make a fist so you don’t break your knuckles, and the best way to stand to deliver the most power through your punch. You gave him a few test hits in the chest, and then tried to add a little more power to it.

“Myka, you’re not putting everything you have into this, I can tell. I need you to really let loose and hit me. You’re not going to hurt me, I promise.” You looked up at him and sighed.

“You realize that I’m a lover, not a fighter, right? I mean, it may be a joke, but I’ve never felt the need to fight until about a week ago. This does not come naturally to me. All I can think about is possibly hurting you, even though I know damn well you’re tough as nails.” You shook your head. “It’s just going to take some time to adjust my thinking, that’s all.” Sam thought for a second, then left the room. When he came back, he was wearing what looked like a baseball catcher’s uniform. He hit his chest to show that it was padded and he was protected.

“How’s that? Better? Hit me all you want, you can’t hurt me, now.” You looked up at him, and then shook your head and focused on his chest again. You did a couple more hits with him egging you on, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

“C’mon, Myka. I’ve seen you angry, and this isn’t it. Get angry. Really put everything you have into it. Imagine I’m Crowley and you just want to bash my face in.” You kept hitting, but it’s not enough for Sam. “C’mon, Myka, I’m Crowley, and I’m right here, I’m in your face, I’m laughing at you, I’m going to do whatever I want to you, C’mon, Myka, really hit me!”

You pictured Crowley’s face in the middle of Sam’s chest. You felt the anger and the hurt and the pain build up inside of you, and you pushed it all into your arm as you sent your fist crashing into Sam with everything you had.

Sam flew across the room towards the door, landing about 10 feet away from you and sliding on the floor until he hit the wall right next to the door. He let out a groan after his head hit the wall and he brought his hands up to his head. His eyes got big and he looked up at you in surprise.

Dean called out Sam’s name and rushed over to him to make sure he was okay. You stood there with your mouth hanging open watching as Dean checked Sam. Once Dean was satisfied that Sam was fine, they both looked at you in surprise.

Dean spoke slowly and nervously. “Myka… What was that? What just happened?”

You shook your head dumbly, unable to speak.  _What was that? How did you do that?_  You crumpled to your knees, and then sat on the floor, curling up into a ball, hugging your knees to your chest and just looking at them with wide eyes.  _What was happening to you, now?_

Dean came over to you and sat down in front of you.

“I’m so sorry, Dean, I didn’t mean to, I mean, I didn’t know I could do that. I don’t know how I did that. How did I do that? I’m so sorry, Sam. I’d never forgive myself if I hurt either one of you. How could I even do that? I mean, he  _flew_ , Dean. I saw him leave the ground when I hit him. How could I do that?” You realized you were just babbling, now, and forced yourself to shut up.

Dean looked back and forth between you and Sam, you looking like you wanted to curl up and die, and Sam still looking a little dazed.

“I think we need an expert. Cas! If you’ve got a minute, we could use you in the workout room in the bunker!”

With a flutter of wings, Castiel appeared, and looked at the three of you, trying to assess the situation. Dean told him to check on Sam, while he kept an eye on you. You couldn’t stop the fear that kept running through your mind.  _It’s happening again. You’re out of control again. You hurt someone this time. You hurt Sam this time. Who will you hurt next time you lose control?_ Castiel put two fingers on Sam’s forehead, even though Sam was arguing with him, but Sam looked a little relieved afterwards. Sam and Cas walked over to where you and Dean were sitting on the floor, and sat down next to you.

“Sam was trying to gauge Myka’s strength and ability to hit by having her hit him in the chest. At first, no surprise, she was tickling him, then suddenly she sent him flying across the room. Cas, when she did it, her eyes… they flashed… kind of like yours sometimes. Is this a Nephilim thing?”

Castiel nodded and looked at you. “Nephilim have amazing strength. I was once tossed around like a rag doll by a Nephilim.” Dean and Sam both looked startled by this revelation. “I was surprised when I first met you that you hadn’t experienced it. My guess at this point is that when your mother bound your powers as a baby, she was strong enough to bind  _all_  of your powers, including your Nephilim side. Susan, being a less powerful witch, wasn’t able to bind all of your powers, which we knew. It appears your strength is one of the powers left unbound.”

Dean looked at Cas, then at you and Sam, and nodded. “Well, that leaves us in a bit of a pickle, training-wise, though. If she can toss us around the room when we’re just trying to teach her things, this is going to get difficult. I mean, we can show her the ropes, but we can’t give her much practical training. Sam and I learned by beating the crap out of each other growing up. Who can handle Myka beating the crap out of them?”

“Guys, maybe this whole training thing is just too much. I mean, I don’t want to hurt one of you, and it’s not like I’m going to be hunting with you or anything like that. Do I really need this?” Sam spoke up, first.

“Yes, Myka, you do. You’re right, you’re not going to be hunting with us. Which means you’ll be alone in the bunker for days, if not weeks at a time while we’re on a hunt. You’ll need to leave the bunker every so often by yourself, or you’ll run out of food, not to mention go crazy being stuck here by yourself. And we can’t ask Cas to take a break from his other duties every time we run out of milk. Crowley is out there, and even after we take out Crowley, there’s all kinds of other monsters who would love a piece of you. You need to know how to defend yourself.”

You sighed and wondered if all of this was worth the trouble you were causing the Winchesters. Castiel cleared his throat and looked at you pointedly, and you realized he just heard your thought. You looked at him and shook your head.

“Well, it’s true, Cas. They’ve turned their lives upside down for me, and I’m really not worth it. If I have my powers, I hurt people. If I don’t have my powers, I put people in danger. Maybe I should just find some cave somewhere and hide out until something finds me and puts me down.”

All three men responded in unison. “No!” Castiel continued, though. “Besides, what finds you is less likely to kill you than to try and use you towards their own ends like Crowley did. And we have promised that we aren’t going to let that happen. So, if you need someone to teach you how to defend yourself who can handle being tossed around, then I will simply have to do it. We’ll have to come up with a suitable explanation for my superiors, though.”

Sam and Dean both sat up and looked at Castiel. “You would do that, Cas?” Dean asked.

“For Myka, and for the Winchesters, and apparently the fate of the entire human race, yes, I will do that.”


	48. Chapter 48

_Sam_

Every day, Sam was more and more impressed with Myka. He sneaked a peek at her training sessions with Cas, sometimes, and was happy to see her tossing the angel around without a problem. Her natural abilities with a gun were unexpected, too.  They would still have to teach her how to use a gun in a practical setting, so she didn’t shoot an innocent bystander, but she was way ahead of where they ever expected her to be. Knife training seemed to be her only hiccup, as she was way too afraid of cutting even Cas while she practiced.

There were other reasons why Sam liked watching Myka train that had nothing to do with abilities. Watching her beat Cas was just hot as hell. He tried to deny it, but he was a little jealous of Cas for being able to handle her. What is it about a strong woman who can beat the living crap out of you that turns a man on like that? Sam pushed away thoughts of practicing wrestling moves with Myka in the bedroom, and forced himself to go back to the library and pick up his research.


	49. Chapter 49

_Myka_

Over the next two weeks, you fell into a routine with the Winchesters and with Castiel. Your time was spent shooting guns, learning how to handle knives of all sizes, training with Castiel when he had free time, and getting a feel for the situation in the library. You saw a lot of work cut out for you in the library, as Sam did, and you spent a few evenings discussing with him what his vision of the library would be when you were finished. By the time the Winchesters left you alone for the first time, you’d been sleeping by yourself for over a week, and they were convinced that you could handle a quick trip to the grocery store without them. They both told you that they’d rather you not spend unnecessary time outside of the bunker, but they were confident that you could handle whatever might cross your path. Even so, you waited until Castiel stopped by to check on you to ask him to accompany you to the store. He was perfectly willing to do it, and you felt silly when the trip was completely uneventful. You especially enjoyed his embarrassment in the feminine hygiene aisle, but tried not to laugh too hard at him. Castiel visited you at least once a day, even if only just to check in, but sometimes spent more time just visiting with you after your training was done. He was always willing to answer your questions about Heaven and other angels, and even endured your most personal questions about having a vessel.

“So, you really don’t get hungry or thirsty or sleepy?” You asked him one night while you were hanging out on the couch and watching TV. You studied his face while Castiel pondered the question for a moment before answering.

“Before I was human, I didn’t notice my vessel being hungry or thirsty or anything like that. After I lost my grace, I became acutely aware of how my body felt about everything. I mean, eating, drinking, urinating, sleeping, shaving, and brushing my teeth… it was exhausting. I don’t know how humans get anything done, quite frankly. And then there were the, you know, sexual urges, which I didn’t even really understand until April found me and had intercourse with me. As an angel, I just don’t feel things the way a human does, and it was all very overwhelming.” You had heard the story about April from Dean, so you knew what he was talking about. You saw the angel’s face get pink, and you knew this was getting embarrassing for him, but he seemed willing to continue the discussion.

“I bet her trying to kill you afterwards was sort of mixed messages for you, too, huh?” You gave the angel a little push and smiled to let him know you were joking.

“Well, yes, you could say that.” Castiel smiled, and you could tell it was partly because he was just happy he understood the joke. “And when I got my grace back, I thought I would just go back to not feeling the hunger and the thirst and the… you know.” You nodded and tried not to blush with him, knowing this conversation was bordering on being outside Castiel’s comfort zone, already. “But it’s been a little different. I don’t need food or water to sustain myself, but every now and then I just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I tried eating one after I became an angel again, but it just wasn’t the same. I don’t need, you know, sexual companionship, but sometimes I miss it. And a lot of the time, I really almost yearn for sleep. To just lay down and rest for a few hours, and to dream. Dreaming was one of the most fascinating experiences I had as a human. The closest I can get to sleeping and dreaming now is spending time here with the Winchesters, and now with you. When it’s not talk of hunting or training, of course.”

“Cas, what about emotions? Do you feel emotions as an angel like you did when you were human?”

The angel considered this question for so long, you almost thought you’d lost him to his thoughts before he answered.

“Before I was human, I couldn’t understand the vastness of the spectrum of human emotion. Actually, I couldn’t even understand that there was a spectrum. As an angel, things for me are mostly black and white, with a few shades of grey. As a human, suddenly there were reds and blues and greens. But not only reds, blues, and greens, but pinks, and lavenders, and oranges. Humans experience love, joy, grief, sadness, tension, fear, guilt, remorse, and regret, while angels experience duty and death. Now that my grace is returned, I’m doing my best to keep hold of the depth of what I remember feeling as a human. I still have those feelings and emotions, but they aren’t as overpowering as they were.”

“We must seem so small to you, Cas. I mean, you’ve been around for millennia. We must be barely a blip on your radar.” Castiel shook his head.

“Hardly, Myka. The Winchesters have made an enormous impact on me, and I think that your friendship is doing the same. I feel like I have lived more in just the past few years than I did for my entire existence prior. Just because my life span, disregarding the inevitable unnatural death, is far longer than yours or the Winchesters’, doesn’t mean that I value your friendship any less or think of you as being any less significant.” Not knowing what to say this, you decided to lighten the moment a bit.

“Aww, Cas, I love you, too!” You gave him a goofy grin and a big kiss on the cheek. You laughed as his face turned bright red and he smiled and looked away.


	50. Chapter 50

_Dean_

Leaving Myka alone in the bunker for the first time was nerve wracking. Dean resisted the urge to call her every hour on the hour, and settled for just daily calls and occasional texts. And the calls were always on speaker phone with Sam there, too. He could tell that Sam was anxious to get back to the bunker, too, and it almost cost them big time on their hunt. They underestimated the number of werewolves in the pack, and it was pure luck that they managed to get out with their lives. Dean scolded himself for allowing a woman to cloud his thinking during a hunt. It was one thing to lie in bed and miss feeling her warmth next to you, and another to rush into a hunt without proper research.  _Focus, Winchester!_


	51. Chapter 51

_Myka_

A week or so later, the boys were away on another hunt when you realized that Thanksgiving was coming up. Thanksgiving had always been a big thing in your family, even though you didn’t have a lot of family. Your mom had always spent the day in the kitchen while your dad watched whatever game was on TV, and you had always helped your mom bake pies for dessert. After your parents died and the divorce was final, you had spent a couple of very lonely Thanksgivings by yourself. You decided that this year would be different. You couldn’t guarantee that the boys would be back in time for the actual day, but you decided that whatever day they did come back, the next day would be Thanksgiving.

The day before Thanksgiving, you started making preparations, just in case. You baked, you cooked, you cleaned, you decorated, and then you hoped you would hear the door open. You had asked Dean if he thought they would be back in time, and he was noncommittal, at best.

“I don’t know, Myka. Thanksgiving isn’t really a thing for us, and this vamp nest is proving harder to locate than we thought. I don’t want to get your hopes up, you know?”

You told him it was okay either way and wished them luck on their hunt, all the while hoping they might make it, anyway. Nothing made you happier than hearing the hinges on the door to the bunker squeal at almost midnight on Thanksgiving Eve. You tried to contain your excitement and not let on how happy you were to have them back. You headed to bed and set your alarm for the next day so you could get up in time to start cooking.

The next morning, you were in the kitchen, cooking and dancing to music when Dean came down for breakfast.

“What’s got you up so early? And what are you listening to?”

“It’s called music, Dean. I know it’s not from one of the five Dean-approved bands, but it is music. And I’m cooking. I’ve got dinner covered tonight, and I have a lot to get done!”

“Dinner, huh? What is all this?” He started poking around your work area, and you smacked his fingers with the wooden spoon you had reserved for your stuffing. “Ow! What was that for?”

“It’s Thanksgiving, and I haven’t had a real Thanksgiving in a while, and I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and don’t you mess with my stuffing, mister!” You tried not to giggle as Dean rubbed his fingers. He looked at you seriously for a second.

“So, you really want to do this? Spend all day in the kitchen? You don’t have to, you know. I told you, Sam and I aren’t really the holiday type. It’s usually just a bucket of extra crispy and a case of beer around here.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” You tried not to let the sadness you had been feeling about the holiday seep into your voice. “Thanksgiving was always a big thing in my family, and it’s been a few years since I’ve had anyone else to cook for, and I hope you don’t mind me just taking over. So many things in my life have changed in the past few months, and I just like the thought of doing something “normal” for a change, you know? It will just make this place feel a bit more like home, I think.” Dean nodded, and you felt his eyes on you, but you didn’t want to meet them.

“All right, then, slave away, woman. But at least let me help. Otherwise you’ll be here all day chopping and slicing and dicing.” You smiled at Dean and handed him a pile of carrots to peel.


	52. Chapter 52

True to his word, Dean spent a good part of the day in the kitchen with you. If you both weren’t actively cooking, then you were talking about music or family gatherings you had growing up. He listened to everything, even though you knew he couldn’t relate. Sam spent most of the day watching TV, only daring to enter the kitchen for the occasional snack. When you finally had everything ready, both men were impressed with the spread, and hearing their praise made you smile. When it came time for dessert, Dean had a big smile on his face, sure that you had a pumpkin pie hidden somewhere.

“I wasn’t sure if you guys would be pumpkin, or pecan, or apple pie kind of people, so I made all three. I hope you don’t mind, Dean!” You placed all three pies in front of him, and you watched his face light up like a kid’s in a candy store.

“Three pies? You baked three pies?” He looked like he was about tear up when he stood up and gave you a huge hug, crushing you to his chest so you could barely breathe. You looked at Sam over his shoulder, who was smiling and shaking his head.

“Dean, it’s just pie. C’mon, man, let her breathe!” Dean gave you a kiss on the head and said thanks before he let you go, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

Dean pointed to Sam as he says, “ _Just_  pie? It’s  _pie_ , man. Respect the pie or you don’t get any!” Dean sat down in front of the pies, and smiled up at you when you handed him a knife. As he started cutting into the first pie, he muttered, “Love me some pie!”

After the pie was finished, both men declared your dinner a rousing success. Dean, who ate one large piece of each pie, was too full to move, so he crashed on the couch in front of the TV. Sam looked at the kitchen and all the dishes and just started cleaning up. You put your music on again, and soon found that you and Sam had similarly eclectic tastes in music. You sang and danced a little while putting things away, and Sam just shook his head at you. As you put the last dish away, Sam took the towel from your hands and added it to the pile to head to the laundry. You were about the grab the pile when instead, Sam grabbed you and brought you in for a hug. His strong arms held you firmly while he kissed your forehead and you rested your head on his shoulder. He held you for a long minute before he said anything.

“You know, for the most part, Dean and I have never had a home. We’ve just had a string of cheap motel rooms and sleeping bags on Bobby’s floor.” He pulled away from you a little and leaned against the counter. “When we first found this place, Dean settled in right away. He put up pictures, he unpacked things, and he immediately started calling it home. It’s never been that for me. The bunker has always been just another place to work.” He looked down at his hands and fiddled with the hem of his shirt for a moment before dropping it. “But you moved in here, and suddenly, this place is starting to feel like home. I don’t know if it’s just having a woman’s touch around the place, or just having someone around who isn’t Dean, or the whole Thanksgiving dinner thing, but I want to thank you for giving us something we haven’t had much.” He stood back up and wrapped his arms around you again. “Thank you for making this place a home.”

No sooner did he loosen his hold on you than he was gone, out to join his brother on the couch. You took a minute to process everything Sam had said, and ended up wiping a tear off of your face. Maybe this whole thing was working out better than you had hoped. You had a home with actual family here, and they were feeling the same way. What more could you ask for?

You grabbed the laundry and dropped it off in the laundry room, and then settled on the couch with the brothers for the evening. It didn’t take long before you fell asleep, exhausted from cooking all day. You woke up later during a loud commercial to discover you were sprawled over both brothers, head and shoulders propped on a pillow on Dean’s lap and legs draped unceremoniously over Sam’s lap. Dean had an arm resting on one of yours, draped over your waist, idly rubbing little circles into your skin while he watched TV. Sam was unconsciously doing the same thing to one of your legs in his lap, eyes glued to the screen. Even though you had slept in the same bed with both brothers on multiple occasions, this was more familiar than you had ever gotten while awake with either one. You shifted a bit, and both brothers looked at you and smiled for a moment before going back to what they were watching. You tried to ignore the butterflies that suddenly invaded your stomach.  _Family. This is family. Like brothers and sisters. Nothing more. It can’t be more. Anything more would ruin it. You’re just good friends._ But the butterflies wouldn’t listen, and you started getting tingles from where each brother was touching you.  _Oh, no. No, you don’t. Not here, not now, not on the couch, not with both of them at the same time, oh no. Get out now, Myka!_

You gave a little stretch and faked a big yawn and made your excuses about being tired and heading to bed. Both brothers wished you a good night and you beat a hasty retreat to your room. As soon as you fell asleep, you dreamed of two sets of green eyes, two sets of strong arms holding you, two sets of lips on your skin, and when you woke up, you were amazed Dean hadn’t heard you and come running to fight whatever demon was invading your dreams this time. On your way back from the bathroom, you realized the brothers were still watching TV, and you thanked your lucky stars. You fell asleep again, reminding yourself that you can’t think like that. This is your home, and nothing good could come of you thinking of either brother like that, much less both of them.


	53. Chapter 53

_Sam_

While Myka was sleeping, her legs on his lap, he couldn’t help but steal glances at her. She was just so beautiful. And she cooked like a dream. And her work in the library was amazing. And Dean obviously liked her, at least for her pie-making abilities. And she was just so confident, now. Even the way she walked around the bunker was different. Different, and sexy as hell. Watching her dance while she cleared the table and put away dishes had caused him to have to leave the room for a minute and adjust his pants along with his thoughts. Sam thought about all the work that she did to make the kind of Thanksgiving dinner he had always wanted. Tonight had been an actual dream come true, short of bringing back those who were gone. He mindlessly rubbed circles into her skin while his mind wandered, until a stray thought stopped him. He loved the way she moved, the way she smiled, the way she laughed. He loved her cooking and her intelligence and how her body fit into his when they had shared a bed. He loved everything about her.

He loved her.


	54. Chapter 54

_Dean_

As Myka started to nod off on his shoulder, Dean shifted so she would fit under his arm. As he touched her and held her, and thought about maybe touching her some more, he grabbed a pillow and put it in his lap to hide the bulge beginning to form in his pants. Soon, Myka was sleeping with her head on the pillow, and her feet on Sam. Dean put his arm around hers, and tried not to think about how close she was to him. That dinner she made was fantastic. He assumed there had been Thanksgiving dinners before Sam was born, but he would have been too young to remember them. Dean knew Sam had always wanted that kind of thing, but never understood why until today. Myka had told him all about how holidays were in her family, even though they weren’t always at home, and there weren’t a lot of people. They had traditions. Everything was made from scratch, and the menu was pretty standard, with few variations. Myka told him she had found comfort in knowing that every Thanksgiving, she would get to eat her grandmother’s famous stuffing and her mom’s corn casserole, and making those things this year meant that they were there, with them, while they ate. Even though he had never understood all the trappings of Thanksgiving and Christmas, she made him understand, and she made him love it. And he loved her pie. Damn, she was good at making pie. He could even forgive her crappy taste in music because of that pie.

After Myka went to bed, Dean and Sam stayed on the couch, watching something on TV, though Dean wasn’t really sure what. He was letting his mind wander over the day when Sam spoke up.

“She’s something else, isn’t she?”

“You mean Myka? Yeah, she is. Those pies were all excellent. I don’t think I’m going to move for a week.” Dean patted his belly, which was still a bit distended from the big meal. “That’s the kind of thing you always wanted for Thanksgiving, isn’t it, Sammy?”

“Yeah. Pretty much exactly.” Sam smiled.

“We’d better keep on our best behavior and give her plenty of reasons to stick around, then, I guess, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Sam nodded.


	55. Chapter 55

_Myka_

The next few days were torture. All of a sudden, it seemed like the brothers were everywhere. Eating breakfast, Dean’s knee would lean against yours. Doing dishes, Sam’s hand would brush yours as you passed him a dish to dry. During target practice, Dean was leaving his hands on your hips a little longer than he needed to when he corrected your stance. In the library, Sam found reasons to look over your shoulder with a hand on your arm. You were getting so distracted that you almost tripped over a chair after making an excuse about looking for another book! And the bathroom situation had never seemed like a problem before, but now, in spite of your best efforts, you kept running into one or the other coming out of the shower in just a towel, muscles everywhere, leaving you no safe place to look. It seemed like no matter what you did, there was a Winchester, looking sexy as all hell, finding a reason to touch you innocently. To work off the frustration, you had taken to beating on the punching bag in the workout room as “practice” when Castiel wasn’t around. You couldn’t have been happier when Cas dropped by for a training session, because you really needed to let loose, and the punching bag was looking the worse for wear.

Your training session with Cas started out as it always did, going over what you already knew and working kinks out of moves that you needed more practice doing. When you asked for a quick break so you could get a drink of water, you found yourself noticing how good Cas looked in the workout clothes you had bought for him. After your first workout with him in his suit, you had taken him out to get clothes that didn’t make you chuckle when you saw them in the workout room. It wasn’t much, just a t-shirt and sweats, but the shirt was just tight enough that it showed off his perfectly sculpted biceps, and the pants hung just low enough that you kept getting glimpses of his hip bones.  _Who the hell has sexy freaking hip bones?_  Apparently angels do. Or, at least this one does. You shook your head to shake those thoughts out of it, and went back to trying to beat the crap out of the angel. What you didn’t expect was that the thoughts didn’t leave, and you were just distracted enough that Cas nearly took your head off. You dodged at the last split second, but lost your balance and crashed into him. You both ended up on the floor in a tangle of limbs. You tried to get loose, and just as you were about to get up, Cas grabbed your shoulder, pulled you closer to him, and slammed his mouth onto yours.

You were so startled at first, that you froze, but it didn’t take long for you to unfreeze. His tongue was running along your lips and you opened them, letting him in. Just as you were starting to completely lose yourself, he pulled away and let you go, backing off until you weren’t touching anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Myka. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t usually feel that way, but for some reason, I just couldn’t stop myself today. It won’t happen again.” Not sure what exactly just happened, but knowing that you didn’t want him to feel badly about it, you stopped him from standing up and walking away. Sitting on the floor facing him, you grabbed one of his hands so he couldn’t get away.

“No, Cas, I’m the one who’s sorry. I have a feeling this is my fault. I’ve been going through something the past couple of days, dealing with feelings that I didn’t expect to have again, and I think I may have projected some of that onto you. I’m guessing you were getting some pretty strong vibes from me, right?”

Cas nodded slowly, but then shook his head. “I thought I might be, but it was muddled enough that I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that when you crashed into me, I wanted to kiss you. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, though, and I know that sometimes something like this happening can cause problems with humans.”

“Cas, you are my best friend right now, and I refuse to let a kiss get in the way of that.” You gave him a smile and he returned it.

“Myka, since we’re, as you put it, best friends, do you want to talk about what has you so distracted?” You looked at the door to the workout room to make sure it was closed before you said anything.

“Can you keep a secret, Cas? I don’t want Sam and Dean to know until I figure out what’s going on. For all I know this is just some middle-age hormone problem, and not something to worry about.”

“If you don’t want me to tell them, and it doesn’t risk anyone’s life, then I won’t tell them.” You looked at him for a second before deciding you might as well talk it out with him.

“Okay, then. For the past few days, I’ve been having these… feelings… for both Dean and Sam. I mean, I’ve always thought they were attractive, and I love them like family, but lately I just can’t get them out of my mind. It’s like someone flipped a switch and suddenly all I can think about is… well…” You paused, wondering how much of this Cas might actually understand without you having to actually say it out loud. His response told you he understood exactly.

“Having intercourse with them.” You felt your face get flaming hot.

“Umm, yeah. That.” You took a deep breath and long drink of water. “I don’t know what to do to stop it. This is even worse than wanting to date a coworker, because if it doesn’t work out with a coworker, you can still go home to get away. If I try to start something here and it ends badly _, we live together_. There’s no getting away from them. And to make matters worse, it’s  _both_  of them! I’m attracted to both of them, each for different reasons, and neither one more than the other. This is like some kind of demented soap opera in my head. I can’t want two people at the same time. That never works. And they’re brothers. And we live together and we work together…” At this point, you were starting to babble and possibly hyperventilate a little bit. “This is a freaking disaster, Cas. I have to stop it. How do I stop feeling like this?”

Cas had no answers. “I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now, Myka. I wish I could take it away, though, since it seems to be causing you distress. I agree that the situation you describe would be very messy, at least if considered by your cultural norms. As you know, other civilizations have had no problems with polygamy, and there were many matriarchal societies where one woman had multiple husbands, and they found a way to work it out.” You chuckled at that thought.

“Sure, Cas. It did work out for them. Now, can you picture that working with Dean and Sam? Seriously?” You cocked an eyebrow at Cas, and he smiled and shook his head.

“The Winchesters have always surprised me, so I will never dare to presume what they can and cannot make work. But I agree that it’s doubtful. I believe the phrase is, ‘I wouldn’t bet on it.’”

“That’s what I thought. So, I need to figure out what my feelings really are before I try to figure out what to do with them. In the meantime, can you try to ignore any lustful thoughts that escape my brain and waft their way over to you? I will try to keep them to a minimum, and working out like this has been my only outlet.”

“I will do my best not to intrude into your thoughts, especially if they seem to have lustful intent.” Cas flashed one of his most charming smiles and you thanked him and chuckled.


	56. Chapter 56

That evening at dinner, Dean told you that he had heard from their friend, Charlie, and that she would be visiting for a few days to see about helping you with the technological aspects of bringing the Men of Letters library into the digital age. You couldn’t wait to meet someone that the brothers both obviously cared so much about.

When she arrived the next day, there was much happiness and hugs all around. The last time Charlie had seen Dean was when he still had the Mark of Cain, and she was very relieved to hear that it was gone. She caught up the brothers on how she had set up her new life, where she was working, who she was dating, etc., and didn’t seem to mind that you were there to listen. She was as welcoming to you as you could hope, and you soon found that you got along well, in spite of a lack of common interests and expertise. In honor of Charlie’s visit, the four of you went out to a local bar, and had a great time dancing and having fun. You expressed regret that there was no karaoke, and the boys groaned while Charlie cheered and insisted that the next time she visited you would do karaoke.

Having Charlie around seemed to create a bit of a buffer between you and the brothers. You stopped running into them coming out of the shower, and they just seemed to no longer be behind you every time you turned around. There were still some touches, but with Charlie keeping them occupied, it wasn’t as constant as it had been. You heaved a sigh of relief, and took the time to try and get your thoughts in order. After a couple of days, the brothers had to leave on a hunt, and it was just you and Charlie in the bunker. It was nice to hang around with a female again, and you made sure you told her how you appreciated the girl time. Cas stopped by a couple of times, and Charlie watched the two of you spar and train. It didn’t take her long to figure out that there was something different about you after that. She was amazed at your story, and was fascinated by the little remnants of your powers that remained. You two gossiped a bit about the brothers, and Charlie introduced you to the series of books that was written about them. You sent a text to Dean saying, “Charlie suggested I do some reading about hunters and suggested a series of books called  _Supernatural_?” Your phone rang almost before you hit Send, and it was Dean.

“You tell Charlie we will get her back for this. She won’t know when, she won’t know how, but it will happen.” You heard a click. Dean had hung up. You and Charlie just laughed.

After you and Charlie had been alone for a few days, you decided to take a night off from working in the library and just have a Girls Night. You let Charlie pick the movies, since you had missed out on a lot of movies growing up on dig sites, and you ordered in pizza and ate ice cream. She chose the Lord of the Rings trilogy, since “there’s a lot of hot guys for you and a few hot girls for me, too.” You liked the movies, and decided that Girls Night would have to become a regular thing.

On the last night before she had to leave, you were eating a dinner you had cooked for you both, and Charlie got quiet for a minute. You thought she was just enjoying her food, until she took a deep breath and started talking.

“I know we kind of just met, but I feel like I know you really well, now, so I feel like I can bring this up. You really care about the Winchesters, don’t you?” You stopped with your fork halfway to your mouth, then put it back down.

“Well, yeah. I mean, they saved my life, they gave me a safe place to live, and they’ve put their lives on the line for me by doing all of that… I’d be stupid not to care about them.” You went back to eating, hoping that was the end of it, but fearing that it wasn’t.

“I understand that, but I think there’s more to it than that, isn’t there? I don’t mean to pry, but I love these guys, and I really like you, and, you know…I care and I’m nosy. Never mind. It’s none of my business.” She shook her head and went back to her dinner. You considered what to say long and hard before opening your mouth.

“Honestly, I love them, too. It’s only been a couple of months, but I already can’t imagine what my life would be like without them. I mean, if tomorrow all the dangers that brought me here disappeared, I’d still want to stay. And if they didn’t want me here, I’d be heartbroken.” You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat at the thought of the Winchesters kicking you out and tried to go back to eating. You both ate in silence for a few bites before Charlie spoke again.

“Again, I don’t mean to pry, and if it’s none of my business, just tell me to shut up and eat my dinner and I will. I love hearing that you love them, but I get the feeling that you loving them means something a little different than when I say that I love them. And I was watching you with them both, and I can’t figure out which one you, you know, love more.” You froze again, and looked up at Charlie. You took a deep breath, looked her in the eye, and just spit it out.

“You mean, you want to know which brother I have the hots for. Right?” You smiled a little to let her know that it was okay. She smiled back and shrugged.

“Umm, yeah. Pretty much.” You took another deep breath before you responded.

“Yeah, well, that’s a good question.” Charlie’s eyes got big and her eyebrows disappeared under bangs. “Kind of… both of them.”

“Both of them? Seriously?”

You nodded. “Both of them. It’s been driving me crazy for a while, now. Obviously, dating both would never happen, so honestly, if either one of them made a move right now, I’d be the happiest woman in Kansas. As it stands right now, though, I’m not doing anything. I can’t choose. I love them both, I want them both, each one for different reasons, but I can’t pick one over the other. So, unless something changes my feelings about one of them, I’m trying to keep my distance from both of them. And it’s not easy, let me tell you.” Charlie grinned and nodded.

“I can imagine. I mean, they’re not my type, obviously, but I can appreciate their charms! Well, what would you do if one of them did make a move?”

“Jump for joy. Tell Cas he can stop coming by for the extra-long workout sessions he’s been helping me with to vent my frustrations.” You both chuckled at that.

“Well, yeah, but what about your feelings for the other brother?”

“I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. Something tells me one Winchester is enough for any girl, don’t you think?” You both laughed and nodded at that. “I’d probably spend a lot of time trying to fix the other one up with every available girl in a 100-mile radius!” Charlie went back to eating, but looked thoughtful.

“I wonder if there is a way to kind of make one of them make a move?” You looked at Charlie with alarm and saw a mischievous grin forming on her face.

“What are you thinking? Am I going to like this?”

“Oh, yeah, I think you are! Christmas is coming, right? You said you were planning on decorating the bunker. Well, how about you put up mistletoe? Then, see which brother keeps getting caught under it?” Charlie gave you a little nudge-nudge-wink-wink. You smiled at her plan.

“That’s not a bad idea!” You started thinking about all the different places you could hang mistletoe in the bunker… doorways… like your bedroom doorway….

“It’s better than the other idea I came up with. Since you’re birthday’s coming up, you could make them fight over who gives you your birthday spanking!” She laughed, and you laughed, too, but pretended to look shocked at the idea.

“You are terrible, Charlie Bradbury!! Why, I never!” You both dissolved in laughter. You spent the rest of the meal talking about other Christmas decorations you could put up to make the mistletoe less suspicious, and other audacious ways to get the brothers to make a move on your birthday.


	57. Chapter 57

_Dean_

After Thanksgiving, Dean just couldn’t get Myka off of his mind. He couldn’t stop touching her whenever he had the chance, no matter how slight the touch was. At night, he’d wake up in a sweat, painfully hard and panting, from dreams of Myka in the kitchen dancing, or in his bed moaning. After a few days, he had to admit, he was falling for her. Hard. Maybe he had already fallen a long time ago, really. He just knew that he had to do whatever was necessary to make sure she stayed. And even if he was all wrong for her, he had to know if she felt the same way about him. He thought for sure he caught her reacting to him, blushing when he got too close, looking at his mouth instead of his eyes when they talked, so there was hope.

At least, there was hope until he and Sam went out on a hunt. It was a tough one. People disappearing without a trace, and no leads for days. One night, when both he and Sam were tired and frustrated, they went to the bar and decided to drown their frustrations. It was after a few shots of whiskey that Sam slipped up.

“Myka’s pretty awesome, isn’t she, Dean?” Sam downed another shot and slammed the glass on the bar.

“Yeah, Sammy. She really is.” Dean was drinking more slowly, figuring one of them should be sober enough to call a cab.

“I mean, she’s really wonderful. She’s pretty, and she’s smart, and she’s kickass.” Sam frowned for a second. “She’s kickass and she kissed Cas.” Sam motioned for the bartender to pour another shot while Dean looked at Sam with eyes wide.

“She kissed Cas?? What the hell did she do that for?”

“Dunno. I was watching them spar, and something went wrong, and they ended up on the floor, and then they kissed.” Sam downed the new shot and slammed the glass on the table. “I didn’t like it, so I left.”

“What do you mean you didn’t like it? What are you talking about, Sam?”

“I didn’t like it, cuz I don’t want her kissing Cas, I want her kissing me. I think I love her.” Sam was now slurring his words so badly Dean almost couldn’t understand him. Sam tried to motion for the bartender, but Dean waved him off.

“You think you love her, Sammy?”

“Yup.” Sam picked up his empty glass and peered into it, wondering where his whiskey went. “She’s beautiful and she’s smart and she’s warm and she’s great to snuggle with in bed and she makes me smile and I just think that maybe that means I love her.” Dean sighed.

“Crap, Sammy. I was thinking the same thing.” Dean shook his head.

“You thought I loved her, too? You are so smart, Dean.”

“No, I meant I was thinking I might love her, too.” Dean was sure Sammy would have had a response to that, if he hadn’t almost passed out on the bar. “All right, Sasquatch, let’s get you back to the motel before I have to carry you, because that wouldn’t be pretty.”


	58. Chapter 58

_Sam_

The next morning, Sam woke up with a pounding headache, and saw Dean sitting on the other bed, watching TV. After he swallowed a glass of water and some aspirin, he lay back down, trying to remember the night before. His eyes opened wide as details started to flood back into his brain.

“Dean? Did we talk about Myka last night?” Sam closed his eyes, afraid of the answer.

“Yes, we did, Romeo.”  _Oh, crap_.

“What did I say?” Sam knew exactly what he had said, but there was still a hope that maybe Dean was too drunk to remember, right?

“That you are in love with her and you saw her kiss Cas, and you didn’t like it.” Sam opened his eyes to look at Dean, but Dean was staring at the TV. Suddenly, something Dean said flashed into Sam’s brain like a shot.

“And then you said you love her, too. Didn’t you?” Sam watched Dean’s face through bleary eyes.

“Yup. That about sums up the conversation.” Dean’s face was stony. Sam groaned. The two men were quiet for a while before Sam screwed up the courage to speak again.

“We need to talk about this, don’t we?” Dean turned off the TV and sighed.

“Man, I was hoping maybe we could skip the touchy feely talk, but I’m guessing you’re not going to let this go, are you?” Dean looked over at Sam. Sam shook his head.

“If we’re both after the same woman, we have to talk about it. What are we going to do?” Dean looked sadly at Sam.

“I’m going to bow out, and you’re going to take your shot. That’s what we’re going to do.” Dean got up and started getting dressed.

“What do you mean, you’re going to bow out? You’re just going to forget that you have feelings for her? And what if she likes you more than she likes me? She’s closer to your age, she likes the same food you do, she likes the same TV shows you do, except for the car shows, and she loves baking pies for you. If she likes you more than me, I want you two to be happy. I don’t want her to be with me just because I won the coin toss or whatever.”

“Sammy, I’m no good for her, and you know it. I’m not relationship material. I’ll end up hurting her by doing something stupid. You actually know how to love a woman long term. I don’t. She doesn’t deserve the likes of me, she deserves someone who will take care of her and not disappoint her. That’s you.”

“That’s crap, Dean! You stayed with Lisa for a whole year until I came back, and you were happy there, I know it. If I hadn’t have come back, you’d still be there, and Lisa would still be happy. If Myka wants you, you’d be good to her, I know you would. You can’t just give up without trying.”

“Sammy, you do realize that you’re trying to talk me into dating a woman you just professed your undying love for, right? What, is this your way of telling me you’re going to bow out? Because if she wants you, then I don’t want to be her consolation prize, either.” Dean glared at Sam, and Sam glared right back.

“Then we go to her, we tell her how we feel, and we make her choose.” Dean looked down at the shirt he’s holding in his hand.

“And what if she doesn’t want either of us, and we make it so uncomfortable for her by telling her how we feel that she runs away and gets killed, or worse? What if she really wants Cas? They have a lot in common, being angels and all. You said they kissed. But Cas can’t give her a place to stay, or protect her full time like we can with the bunker. If we scare her off, we could literally kill her, Sam.” Dean’s voice broke and his face crumpled for just a flash before becoming fixed again. Sam nodded.

“Then we do nothing. We say nothing. And if she makes a move on one of us, then the other one just lets it go.” Sam sighed and Dean nodded.

“That sounds like a plan. It won’t scare her off, she chooses, and the loser sucks it up and gets over it. And if she chooses Cas, we both suck it up and get past it. Deal?” Sam looked dejected, but nodded.

“Deal.”


	59. Chapter 59

_Myka_

The next day, you were really sorry to see Charlie go, and you made her promise that she’d come back soon for another visit. You spent another week by yourself in the bunker, working hard to implement all of the technology that Charlie had set up for you. When Sam and Dean returned from their hunt, they were very impressed with everything that you got done while they were gone. Dean nodded and smiled and oohed and aahed at all the right times, but you could tell he wasn’t as interested as Sam, who asked a lot of questions and discussed the changes with you. Dean appreciated what the end result would be, though, which was an easily searchable database of lore that could be expanded every time new information entered the bunker. You joked about having job security for the next few years, and the brothers both chuckled and reassured you that you wouldn’t need it.

Now that the brothers were back in the bunker for a few days, you worried that you would have the same trouble you were having before Charlie arrived. You stayed on guard, waiting for the accidental bumps and brushes, and hands that lingered during target practice and research. It was almost disappointing when it didn’t happen. Maybe you had imagined it? Maybe it was some kind of middle-aged hormonal imbalance that made you see things that weren’t there? Sam and Dean were both still friendly to you, they just seemed to be keeping their distance from you physically. You weren’t sure what was worse, getting overheated from all of the touching, or suddenly feeling like they thought you were contagious.

Your birthday wasn’t bad, though. Charlie came over for the weekend, and all of you dragged Cas along with you to a karaoke bar! You proved the claim you had once made that you could nail  _Love is a Battlefield_ , and Dean proved that he really wasn’t too sexy for his shirt, but he did okay with a Bon Jovi song. You managed to convince Charlie to do one song with you, after she had had a few drinks, but you couldn’t get Sam to sing, and Cas was befuddled by the entire idea. You had a bad moment when you saw Dean cozying up to a woman at the bar, but you just told yourself that you had no claim on him, and he could do whatever he wanted. It still hurt, but you had to let it go. After the rest of you got back to the bunker, Charlie stayed up late chatting with you, and was just as puzzled as you were about the change in the brothers. This made her all the more determined to help you decorate the bunker for Christmas! You spent the following morning shopping with Charlie for decorations, and a couple of presents, and the two of you decked the halls while singing along badly to Christmas carols. By the time Charlie had to leave, the bunker looked great. Dean declared that he thought it looked like Santa exploded all over the bunker and said that if you didn’t get any presents for Christmas, it was obviously your own fault. That night, Sam knocked quietly on your door as you were getting ready for bed, and gave you a birthday present. He said he didn’t want to give it to you at the bar since no one else had presents, so he waited. pend another week by yourself in the bunker, working hard to implement all of the technology that Charlie had set up for yInside the box was a beautiful hair comb with a jeweled angel on it. You thanked him for the beautiful gift, and hugged him. You smiled when he held onto the hug longer than you expected, and you practically melted in his arms. All too soon, though, he pulled away, mumbled a quick good night, and left. You spent the night dreaming of long hair, hazel eyes, broad shoulders, and long fingers. The next morning, Dean surprised you at breakfast with a fancy slicer you had talked to him about once while you were cooking. He apologized for it being late, but said he hoped you would forgive him. You loved the gift, and gave him a hug as a thank you. He gave you a quick kiss on the forehead before letting you go and heading off to the garage to wash Baby. As you ate your breakfast, you pondered deep green eyes, freckles, bow legs, strong hands, and those lips of his. Oh man, were you in trouble.


	60. Chapter 60

_Dean_

Being back in the bunker with Myka was torture, especially now that he knew how Sam felt about her. He found himself pausing outside the bathroom when she was singing in the shower. He hated her music, she seemed to have a lot by douchey-sounding guys named Josh or Jason mixed in with what he thought of as “girl power” songs, but something about when she was singing it made it all okay. Hearing her sing lines like, “ _You said love wrecks everything/And none of us survive/So I got over you last night/And I am still alive/Then I saw your face across the street/And my heart was home again,_ ” he couldn’t help but wonder if she sang those particular lines louder and with more feeling for a reason. He smiled when he heard a song from his own collection start to play. Maybe he was rubbing off on her? Was this a sign that she felt something about him, or just his music? Having Charlie around for a couple of days was a welcome distraction, until the Christmas decorations went up. Dean noticed the excessive amounts of mistletoe right away. It was hard to miss, really. It was freaking everywhere. As Dean walked by Sam’s room that night, he stopped in to talk, and shut the door behind him.

“Sammy, what are we going to do about the freaking mistletoe?” Sammy looked at his brother helplessly.

“Avoid it?” Sam shrugged and Dean huffed.

“It would be easier to avoid demons in freaking Hell, Sammy!”

“I don’t think we have a choice, Dean. I mean, could you handle kissing her without, you know, making it obvious how you feel about her? Because I know I couldn’t. I can barely handle sitting next to her in the library some days.” Sam ran a hand through his hair.

“I know what you mean. The other day she was singing and dancing in the kitchen and I had to leave.” Dean shook his head.

“I know, right?” Sam sighed. “Doing anything about the mistletoe gets us in trouble, so we just ignore it. We don’t have a choice.” Dean just shook his head and left.


	61. Chapter 61

_Myka_

In the days following your birthday and leading to Christmas, you waited patiently for one of the brothers to hesitate under any of the multiple sprigs of mistletoe Charlie had hung up. She really had taken this to a whole new level. She had even hung some in the bathroom! But every time one of them got close, it was like they specifically avoided it. And neither one ever seemed to notice if you were dawdling near any of it. The only one you managed to catch was Cas, of course. He came for a visit and a training session a couple of days after the decorations were done. After your training was done, the three of them were hanging out in the library and chatting when you walked in after cleaning up. As you entered the room, mistletoe hanging conspicuously above your head, Cas stopped you, standing next to you and fingering the mistletoe.

“Myka, what is that hanging above your head? The rest of the decorations seem mostly self-explanatory, but I don’t understand why you hung dead plants everywhere.”

You chuckled and replied, “Cas, if you’re going to think about it like that, don’t look at the tree or the wreaths, either!”

“It’s mistletoe,” Sam said. “If you catch someone standing under it, you’re supposed to kiss them. We think Charlie’s got a crush on Myka, and that’s why she hung so much of it everywhere!” Sam chuckled and Dean smiled. Cas still looked confused.

“Why would a dead plant hanging from the ceiling mean you are supposed to kiss someone? Is it an aphrodisiac?” Dean sighed and shook his head at the angel.

“It’s just something you do, like wishing on a star or knocking on wood. Maybe it meant something once upon a time, but now it’s just something you do.”

“Oh,” Cas said, looking thoughtful. “So, does this mean I have to kiss Myka?” He looked at Sam and Dean, who looked at each other and then shrugged.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas,” you said. “It’s not a hard and fast rule. If it were there would be a lot more babies born in September.” You elbowed him in the arm, and gave him a wink, and he nodded, not quite getting the joke.

“But still, if it’s tradition, then I think maybe I should.” He then wrapped one arm around your waist, put the other behind your head, and pulled you close, pausing for just a split second before planting his lips on yours. You were surprised when he first grabbed you, but you were ready when his lips met yours. You expected perhaps just a quick, almost chaste kiss, but soon his tongue was searching your mouth and the hand on your lower back was pulling you closer. Just when you thought you wouldn’t be able to breathe ever again, his lips left yours. He held you for an extra second, giving you time to steady yourself, before he let you go completely. You looked up at him and blinked, completely speechless.

“Cas!” Dean barked. “A peck on the cheek would have been enough!” Sam chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair, searching for something to say to change the subject. You looked up at Cas to see a very satisfied grin on his face, and smiled.

“Well! That will give me something to dream about tonight!”


	62. Chapter 62

_Dean_

It had been days since the mistletoe incident, and Dean was still steamed at Cas. He suddenly understood how Sam had felt when he saw the kiss in the workout room. He really needed to get a grip.

Christmas was coming, and for the first time in years, he had someone to really shop for. He and Sam had made a pact about no birthday presents for Myka, which they had both broken, it turned out. For Christmas, they had decided to do their shopping for Myka at the same time, while they were away on a hunt. They hit a local mall, wandering the stores, not liking anything they saw. Before they left, Sam noticed a sign in a jewelry store advertising charm bracelets. Dean had to admit that jewelry was a far better gift than cooking gadgets, even though he knew Myka had loved the slicer, and used it almost every time she cooked. So, he followed Sam into the store and listened to the conversation. The charm bracelets only came with pre-made charms, but for a bunch of extra cash, they could custom make some charms, put them on a bracelet, and ship it to them in time for Christmas. Sam drew a few protective sigils to be made into charms, and Dean picked out a few of the standard charms that he thought Myka would like. When Sam saw the charm for her initial, it was upside down and he commented on it.

“Dean, I think that’s a W, not an M.”

“Sammy, you’re looking at it upside down. It’s an M. Why would I pick out a W?” Sam tilted his head, raised his eyebrows a bit, and gave Dean a smile.

“For Winchester.” Dean saw what Sam was thinking, but it surely seemed like a dangerous move to make.

“What’s she going to think, that we’re asking her to marry us?”

“We’ll just tell her that we’re making her an honorary Winchester. She’s family. It’s coming from both of us, so it’s not like it’s a ring, or anything. She’ll love it. We’ll get her an M for Myka, and a W for Winchester. C’mon, Dean. It’ll be great.” Dean gave Sam a doubtful look, but agreed.


	63. Chapter 63

_Myka_

By Christmas Eve, you had accepted that Charlie’s plan with the mistletoe had failed. The boys had been away on a hunt, so there was nobody around to kiss but Cas, anyway. As always, you got texts and phone calls every day, telling you how the hunt was going, and by this time, you had started doing actual research for them while they were gone. They came home just a couple of days before Christmas, so got to watch you do your Christmas dinner preparations in the days leading up to it. At the last minute, on Christmas Eve, you asked Cas if he would go to a church service with you. You knew you couldn’t get the brothers to go, if only because of the dress code, but Cas surprised you by agreeing to join you. He started the evening telling you all about the factual errors made, starting with the fact that Jesus was most definitely not born in December, and going on a slight rant about the little drummer boy. You finally stopped his talking and explained to him that just for one night out of the year, you wanted to believe. You promised him he could tell you about all the mistakes the next day, but for that night, you wanted to pretend that there were no such things as monsters, and that angels were all kind and gentle souls. He agreed, and after the service, he even told you how beautiful it was. You stayed up with him to watch  _It’s A Wonderful Life_ , and fell asleep on the couch, snuggled close to your best friend.

Christmas Day was similar to Thanksgiving, with you and Dean cooking in the kitchen, and Sam helping to clean up afterwards. Charlie wanted to come, but couldn’t make it, so it was just you, the Winchesters, and Castiel. You had gotten the brothers each a nice, plain, silver tie pin they could wear with their FBI suits, but had your name and some symbols for luck and protection engraved on the back of them. You had added a little heart to the engraving, hoping the boys wouldn’t notice. You had also gotten them little gifts, like a car care kit for Dean and some CDs for Sam. The brothers admitted that they had never really done Christmas before, and they weren’t sure what to get for you. They had gotten together and bought you a silver charm bracelet with protective symbols mixed in with your initial, and some charms about you, like books and a music note. The only charm you didn’t understand was the W. That’s when Sam told you they decided to make you an honorary Winchester. Dean made an offhand comment about Crowley having started calling you “Mrs. Winchester,” and you chose to wait until later to question him about it. You were so touched by the gesture it nearly brought you to tears, and you hugged both of them, promising to never take off the bracelet. Cas seemed uncomfortable, since you had bought some presents for him, even though it was just more clothes, and you promised him that it didn’t matter if he got you anything. He was training you, and that was gift enough. He shook his head, still wanting to find something to give to you, and then he quickly moved so he was sitting in front of you.

He took your head in his hands, putting his thumbs near your temples, and told you to close your eyes. Suddenly, you were in a beautiful garden, and there was a man flying a kite near a pond. The garden had beautiful flowers of every different color you could imagine, and you felt a warm breeze blow on your skin. Cas was standing next to you, and he invited you to sit on a bench by the pond. He explained that everyone has a different version of Heaven when they die, but that this was his favorite. It belonged to an autistic man who died back in the 50’s, and it was so beautiful and peaceful that he would visit whenever he could. You watched bees and butterflies flutter around the flowers, and ducks swim on the pond. After a minute, the vision faded, and you opened your eyes to see Cas smiling at you. You were beaming as you told him how beautiful it was and thanked him for the best gift he could have given to you.

You spent the rest of Christmas Day trying to shower all three men with as much affection as you could, especially since the Winchesters seemed cranky. Dean finally cheered up when the pie was served, of course, but Sam spent the evening after dinner was cleaned up doing research on what he thought might be a hunt. Cas had to leave after dinner, which left just you and Dean on the couch watching TV. You decided to take the chance to question him and turned off the TV.

“Hey, what? I was watching that!” Dean complained as the screen went dark.

“So, you’ve been talking with Crowley?” You watched his face as he realized where he slipped up.

“Son of a bitch,” he mumbled under his breath. “I was hoping you missed that.”

“Yeah, not so much. Talk to me. What’s going on with Crowley?” Dean rubbed his hands over his face, and sighed.

 “He’s making himself freaking useful so we won’t kill him, and it’s pissing me off.” He gave you a sad, apologetic look. “Myka, I hate this more than when Sam leaves his douchey music in the car after driving Baby, but Crowley is the least of the evils out there right now. He’s actually being helpful, and all I want to do is stab him in his stupid face.” He sent some magazines that were sitting on the table next to him flying across the room. “And every time we see him, I get so close to killing him, then he gives me a reason why I can’t kill him, just yet, and then he shoves it in my face that I can’t even make this right for you.” Dean was now pacing around the room angrily. “And the way he talks about you, I just want to rip his balls off and shove them down his throat.” Dean picked up an empty coffee cup and threw it at the wall, smashing it into a thousand little pieces. Sam came running as you jumped up to stop Dean from tossing anything else around. You stood in his way, so he couldn’t pace anymore, and put your hands on either side of his face.

“Dean! Stop. Just stop.” Dean glared at you, so you pulled your hands away, and Dean let out a huff of frustration. “I know you want to take out Crowley, and I know that if you haven’t, then there’s a damn good reason for it. I want him to get what’s coming to him as much as the next guy, but I don’t want you to destroy yourself over it.” You looked over at Sam and saw the same pained expression on his face that Dean was wearing. “Both of you are more important to me than Crowley. You have already done enough. You’ve taken me in, given me something to do, made me safe, and taught me to defend myself. You’ve given me a life. That’s worth more to me than Crowley’s head on a stake.” Both men shook their heads and started to argue. “Hey, I’m not saying I wouldn’t like to watch the bastard burn, I’m just saying that if it isn’t in the cards, then I’ll live with that.” An unwelcome thought entered your mind. “Unless, of course, you want Crowley dead because that would make me leaving here a lot easier?” You couldn’t even bear to look at them for fear of what they might say next.

Sam stepped over to you and Dean and immediately said, “No. We don’t want you to go. You cook, you clean, you decorate, and you’re working wonders in the library, and I don’t know what we’d do without you, anymore. You’re family, like we said earlier.” Sam grabbed your wrist with the bracelet on it and fingered the W. “You’re pretty much stuck with us, whether you like it or not.” You looked up at Sam and he smiled.

Dean finally unfroze and put a hand on your shoulder. “Crowley needed to go long before what he did to you. We told him that we had Cas remove your powers, so technically, he thinks you’re useless to him, and probably won’t go after you anymore. He doesn’t know that Cas removing your powers would have probably killed you, so the lie seems to be working. But he knows that you’re a sore spot for us, so he likes to twist the knife whenever he can. And boy, does he know how to twist.” He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face again. “It’s just frustrating.”

The three of you broke apart, and you started picking up the pieces of the coffee cup. Once you all had it cleaned up, you faced the two of them.

“Let’s just agree that Crowley is an ass, but we’re not going to let that fact take over our lives. Feel free to tell me when he pisses you off. And he calls me ‘Mrs. Winchester?’ Really?” You gave the brothers a bit of a bitch face and tried to get them to laugh, but it failed miserably. Dean’s face got stony, and Sam looked apologetic.

“Let’s just say that’s one of the nicer names he calls you, but we think he calls you those kind of, um, names, just to push our buttons.”

“Oh.” You nodded, your lips disappearing as you consider what words Crowley probably uses, considering the way he chose to assault you. “Well, then, I guess I won’t worry until he starts getting complimentary again.” You shook your head. “Either way, we’re not letting him live in our heads rent free, right?” You looked sternly at both men.

They both shook their heads no, gave you an overly respectful, “No, ma’am,” and smiled weakly.

“Good.”


	64. Chapter 64

_Dean_

That night, Dean lay in his bed, completely unable to sleep. The Christmas he had planned got shot all to hell fifty different ways. Helping Myka in the kitchen the past few days had been wonderful. He had snuck a peek at her iPod when he noticed her playlist didn’t have quite so much of the music he hated, and had some new songs he actually kind of liked. His heart had stopped when he saw the playlist was named “Dean.” He desperately wanted to see if there was a corresponding “Sam” playlist, but didn’t get the chance. He picked up the tie pin laying on his dresser and fingered the engraving on the back. One of the symbols was a heart, and he was trying not to make too much of that. Besides, she had given Sam one just like it. Myka seemed to like the charm bracelet he and Sammy had given her, but then Cas had gone and given her a slice of actual freaking Heaven. Seriously, how was a mortal man, much less a screw up like himself, supposed to measure up against that? The look on her face as Cas had held her had been beautiful. It had taken everything he had to be civil to the angel after that.

And then there was the fight about Crowley. He could still feel the touch of her hands on his face. He had wanted so much to just give in to her in that moment, and just grab her and hold her and feel her against him like that time outside the tattoo parlor. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Sam. So he had frozen. He had barely heard her words, but he thought his chest was going to explode when she said they were more important to her than getting Crowley. How could she let Crowley get away with what he had done? How could she possibly think that they were more important than killing that bastard?

And when she had talked about going away, the thought terrified him. He was so glad Sam had been able to step up and talk her out of it, because the thought had paralyzed him. He had never wanted her to know that Crowley even thought about her, much less had been using her to get under their skin. Crowley knew exactly how he and Sam felt about her, and had no problems calling her a whore or a slut whenever he wanted to get them riled up. Talking enough about her body that Dean knew exactly how far Crowley must have gone in that warehouse. Dean sent a book flying against the wall as he sat down in front of his desk. A moment later, there was a knock on the door.

“Dean?” Sam called quietly through the door.

“C’mon in.” Dean rubbed a hand over his face. Sam peeked his head in and looked around.

“You okay? I heard something hit the wall.”

“Yeah, Sammy, just frustrated, that’s all. Can’t sleep. Taking some time to imagine all the different ways I’d like to strip the skin off of Crowley.” Sam came in and closed the door behind him quietly. He sat down on the bed and sighed.

“I know what you mean. But you heard what she said, she doesn’t want that. We need to let it go.” Sam saw the look of protest on Dean’s face and cut him off before he could say anything. “I know, I know, that’s impossible. At the very least, we need to make her think we’ve let it go if that’s what she wants.” Sam paused and looked down at the ground. “We almost lost her today, you know. We have to be more careful.” Sam looked up at Dean.

“I know.” Dean got up and picked up the book he had thrown at the wall. “I’m not sleeping anytime soon. What do you say we find ourselves a hunt and go work off some steam slicing up a demon or something? And we can plot ways to take out Crowley on the way.” Sam stood up and headed toward the door.

“I’ll be ready in ten. Meet you at the car.”


	65. Chapter 65

_Myka_

When you woke up the next morning, you found a note telling you that Dean and Sam had gone on a hunt and they’d call you to keep you updated. Facing another few days alone in the bunker, you got back to your work in the library, and got pretty far without the distractions of the handsome men. Even Cas was away, which was unusual, but you hoped he was okay. While you catalogued and filed and inventoried, you tried to keep out thoughts of the way Dean smiled when he ate anything you cooked for him, or the way Sam’s fingers moved over the spines of the books when he was looking for something. No matter how hard you tried, though, at night you still dreamed about Sam wrapping himself around you or the way Dean’s arms felt when he hugged you. By New Year’s Eve, you were half crazy from being alone for so long, but Charlie had other plans, so you were stuck being alone. You settled in to watch TV with a bottle of wine, sending up a prayer to Cas to join you if he had a chance. By the time the evening news was on, and the countdown clock in Times Square was showing less than an hour until midnight, you were fairly well toasted and thoroughly depressed. You were surprised when you heard the familiar flutter of wings, having figured that Cas would be a no-show, too. You looked up at him and smiled and patted the couch next to you.

“Got no one to kiss at midnight? Come join the loser’s couch over here. I’ll bust open another bottle and we can toast to our singleness. How does that sound?” Your words were a bit slurred, and you wondered if the angel even understood you.

“Myka, what’s wrong?” He sat down next to you and searched your face.

“Nuttin’. I’m just trying to ignore the fact that I’ve got no one to kiss at midnight tonight, and living in this bunker with two men I’m madly in love with, but who don’t feel the same way about me, means that I will most likely never have someone to kiss at midnight on any New Year’s Eve, ever again. Cuz if I leave here for too long, I have to be careful, because I’m a freaking monster. Oh yeah, and even if I did meet someone who could make me forget the stupid freaking Winchesters, I’d be putting their life in danger, too. They’d have to move in here with me and the stupid freaking Winchesters, and wouldn’t that be a hoot? Yeah, the single guys will just be lining up to date me!” With that, you swallowed the last of your wine and clumsily put down the glass.

“Why do you need to kiss someone at midnight?” Cas looked very puzzled, and if you had been sober, you would have probably laughed.

“Cuz it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s a thing. Like the mistletoe. Except I think it’s supposed to be good luck. Which means I won’t ever have good luck ever again.” You sighed and leaned on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you and you snuggled into his side, feeling him slowly warm up next to you. “You’re a good friend, Cas. You’re the best friend. You’re my best friend, Cas. I don’t know what I‘d do without you.”

Cas rubbed your arm reassuringly. “You’re a good friend, too, Myka.” He paused for moment, watching the countdown on the TV as the news turned into live coverage of Times Square. “So, you’re really in love with both Sam and Dean?”

“Yup. No question about it. And neither one wants anything to do with me except like a sister. You’re the only one who took advantage of the mistletoe.”

“Huh. Well, I can’t understand why they wouldn’t want to kiss you, Myka. I know I have limited experience, but I think you’re a very good kisser.” You sat up and smiled at Cas.

“I am, right? I thought so! My ex used to tell me that when we were dating. I also have to say, Cas, that even with your limited experience, you are also an excellent kisser. You are going to make some angel very happy someday. Assuming angels even do that. Do angels fall in love and get married and have baby angels and stuff like that?” You settled back into his side under his arm.

“Not really. Of course, the rules have been changing in recent years, so maybe someday angels will fall in love and get married and have baby angels. Anything is possible.” You both were quiet for a while, watching the crowds and the music on the TV. “Myka, would it make you feel better if I kissed you at midnight?” You sat up again and smiled.

“You would do that for me? You’d kiss me just so I have someone to kiss at midnight?”

“If it would make you feel better, then yes, I would.” You slumped back under his arm and drunkenly thought about that for a minute.

“But we’re friends. And if we keep up this kissing stuff, you might not want to be friends with me anymore, and I wouldn’t want that.”

“I promise, Myka, that I will always want to be your friend, no matter how many times we do or do not kiss.” You grinned up at him and he smiled back down at you.

“Okay, then, you’re on. When the ball drops, then it’s kiss time.” It was another fifteen minutes or so until the official countdown, and when there was one minute to go, you crawled into his lap with one arm around his neck. He wrapped his arms around you, and you both watched the ball drop, counting down the seconds with the people in the crowd. You said, “Happy New Year,” in unison with the crowd, and crashed your lips onto Castiel’s. The kiss was as devastating as all of his kisses are, and you suddenly wished you had fallen in love with him, instead. When you pulled away from his lips, you looked him in the eyes and said, “Thank you. I needed that.” You got up and sat back down next to him, cuddling under his arm again. You fell asleep a little while later, and woke up in the morning in your own bed, with a note saying he had to go, signed, “Your friend always, Castiel.”


	66. Chapter 66

The Winchesters returned from their hunt a couple of days later, both the worse for wear. A ghost had beaten them both pretty badly before they finally took it down, so both men had bruises and other minor injuries. You wanted to call Cas to heal them, but they insisted they were fine. It broke your heart to see the bruises, and it took everything you had not to constantly keep touching them to make sure they were okay. You knew you’d have to get used to seeing these men you loved damaged, so you did your best not to smother them.

After a few days of working in the library next to Sam, watching him avoid being near you, getting distracted by stupid things like how sensual he managed to make turning the page in a book seem, you were nearly going out of your mind. And you were having the same problem with Dean. You went into the garage to call him for dinner one night, and he was bent over Baby, head under the hood, with that fabulous ass just asking to be swatted. And how could he make being covered in grease and dirt wearing a t-shirt with holes in it look hotter than a suit and tie? To top it all off, they were both just so damn nice and caring and  _friendly_. Friendly isn’t a bad thing, unless you’re dreaming of pulling Dean out from underneath the Impala and showing him a better ride than Baby ever did. Or pushing Sam’s books off the table and asking him to study you from cover to cover, instead. So, you decided that maybe you needed to start making a move, somehow. You had waited for one of them to come to you, so maybe you needed to give them an opening.

Over the next couple of days, you found any excuse that you could to touch both of them. A hand on the shoulder when serving dinner, accidently brushing a knee under the table in the library, fiddling with Sam’s hair absentmindedly while you looked over his shoulder at an old lore book, and intentionally getting your stance wrong during target practice and leaning a little too close to Dean when he corrected you. By the end of two days, you were nearly insane, and you hadn’t gotten more than an uncomfortable cough out of either brother. You decided to give it one last shot, and you would make it a good one. And if this didn’t work, then you would just have to give up.

You knew that the brothers were both good at hustling pool, and that they made a lot of cash doing it. You had never had a chance to learn how to play, so you figured the three of you could go out to a bar and they could teach you. The brothers seemed up to the challenge, and you decided to go that night. When you went to your room to get ready, you picked out your tightest skirt, and the blouse that you knew showed off all of your assets. You wore a pair of low heels, knowing they would make you almost as tall as Dean, a necklace that would direct attention to your cleavage, some dangly earrings that would draw attention to your neck, a quick spritz of perfume, the charm bracelet, and you pulled your hair up with the comb Sam had given you for your birthday. A dash of makeup to accentuate your lips and cheekbones, and you were happy with what you saw in the mirror. Months of training with Cas had toned the areas that used to jiggle, and now you didn’t just see the widened hips of a woman who had given birth to two children, but attractive curves that you could appreciate. You weren’t going to grace the cover of any magazines, and you still had a lot of weight to lose before you would be in the same class as Dean’s usual companions, but you were happy with your body these days, and ready to show it off a little.

When you left your room and met the boys at the base of the stairs to leave, you were pleased to see that your efforts were not in vain. Both Sam and Dean almost unhinged their jaws when they saw you, and Dean let out a whistle. Sam turned bright red and glared at Dean, but you were happy to notice Dean couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.

“What’s the occasion, Princess?” Dean asked as you started up the stairs in front of them, giving a little extra sway to your hips with each step.

“Meh. Haven’t dressed up in a while and decided it was time to air out some nicer clothes for a change. I’ve been cooped up in the bunker too long, and I just want to have some fun. Ready to go?” Both sets of eyes had just watched you go up the stairs while the men remained unmoving at the bottom. Suddenly, they realized you were at the top, and they both jumped and started up the stairs, almost banging into each other. You smiled as you turned around and headed toward the outer door. This might just do the trick!


	67. Chapter 67

_Sam_

The past few days had been hell on his self-control. He and Dean had arrived at the bunker, and called out for Myka without getting a response. As they hurried down the stairs, they heard her singing in the library. She had her earbuds in, iPod in pocket, and was singing and dancing to whatever song was blasting into her ears. It was something fast-paced that caused her to swing her hips and shake her butt in such a way that both of them had self-consciously adjusted themselves. She was filing something, and when she bent over to pick something up off of the floor, her butt still moving to the music, both he and Dean had groaned and left the room. It was weird sharing these feelings with Dean, but they were getting used to it. This was the first time they had both wanted the same woman, so it was just weird all around. Usually, the sane brother teased the lovesick brother mercilessly. But now, they had both fallen hard, and once they had admitted it to each other, it had gotten easier to talk to each other about how crazy she made them. In a way, this was almost the closest he had ever felt to his brother. They were respecting each other in a whole new way.

And then the touching started. Her hand on his shoulder, her knee against his knee, and when she played with his hair, he’d almost had to excuse himself. He would have taken it as a sign, if he didn’t know she was doing the same things with Dean. Neither one of them knew what was going on, just that they were both going to break soon if it didn’t stop.

This trip to the bar to teach her to play pool might very well be his breaking point. He’d never taught a woman to play pool so she could learn the game. He’d always done it to get into her pants, and he’d learned that particular trick from his big brother. To see her come walking out in that tight skirt and low cut blouse, and those heels made him almost light headed as the blood completely left his brain and headed into his pants. As she walked up the stairs, he looked at Dean and saw it written on his brother’s face, too. They were in trouble tonight.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut! Finally!

_Myka_

The car ride to the bar was surprisingly quiet. You noticed Dean’s eyes kept coming back to you in the rearview mirror, and you smiled. Sam tried to make some nervous conversation about playing pool, but it didn’t go anywhere. When you got to the bar, you were out of the car and heading up the steps to the door almost before the boys got their doors open. The brothers rushed to catch up to you, and Sam barely made it to the door in time to open it for you. The three of you headed toward the pool table, but there was already somebody playing, so you sat at a table nearby. You offered to pay for the first round of beers since they would be doing you a service by teaching you how to play and headed to the bar. While you waited at the bar, you checked to make sure they were watching you, and they were, so you made sure to give them something to watch by moving your hips to the music a little. As the bartender was pouring your drinks, a guy from the bar came over and started hitting on you. You turned him down, explaining you were with some friends, and before he could push the point, Dean was standing next you, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“I figured I’d better come help you with those beers, honey,” Dean said, more to the guy than to you. You thanked him, and the two of you walked back to your table.

“I was taking care of it, Dean. You didn’t need to rescue me,” you scolded him after you sat down.

“I know, but, uh, I think I saw that guy harassing another girl last time I was here. You want to learn how to play pool, and that won’t happen if we get kicked out because you to threw him across the room.” Dean waved his beer around as he talked before taking a sip. Sam stayed quiet, just watching everyone else in the room but you and Dean.

“Well, thank you for saving me, then.” You gave him an overly dramatic kiss on the cheek before sighing sarcastically, “My hero!” Dean coughed uncomfortably and Sam gave you his best bitch face.

After you sat there for a few minutes, and determined that the pool table wouldn’t be available anytime soon, you declared that you would like to dance and headed to the juke box to pick out a song. You managed to find one that was on Dean’s very short list of acceptable music to be played in the Impala and punched in the number. As the song started, you went back to the table and tried to get either brother to dance with you, and neither would bite. You ended up dancing with a couple of girls who were at the bar looking for hookups, and when the song was done, you got yourself another beer and headed back to the table. You sat between Sam and Dean, and started asking questions about pool, all the while making sure to touch both of them a little more than necessary. When your beer was empty, you told them it was time for one of them to pony up, and Dean headed to the bar. Sam started talking to you about the rules, and used the game currently being played next to you to explain terminology. Dean dropped off the next round, and then told you he was off to hit the head. Sam got quiet, and when you asked him what was wrong, he just shook his head.

“It’s nothing, really. Just there’s something I’ve been noticing in the papers the last couple of days, and I think maybe there’s a hunt, and I can’t get my mind off of it.” He sighed. “Would you mind if I left you here with Dean and went back and did some digging? I’m not going to be any fun until I figure out why this is bugging me. Besides, Dean’s the better player, anyway. He’ll be a good teacher. I’ll just grab a cab and I’ll see you both back at the bunker, okay?”

“Well, I guess I can’t argue with a hunter about a hunt, so go on.” You waved him off, and he smiled and disappeared. Well, that was one brother down. You nursed your beer, and then nursed Sam’s untouched beer. Where the heck did Dean go? He mentioned the bathroom. Did he fall in? You grabbed his untouched beer, and idly wondered if you’d be sober enough to hold a pool cue, much less shoot. At this rate, Dean would almost have to hold you steady to keep you standing. That wouldn’t really bother you, though, really. You smiled at the thought of Dean leaning over you leaning over the table, his breath on your neck as he taught you how to aim, and felt your face flush. Where was he, anyway?

You decided to head to the bathroom, and see if you could find Dean on the way back. As your eyes scanned the room, you finally found him. At the bar. With a girl. You swore you heard your heart break as you saw his hand travel up her thigh as he leaned in to her and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh. As you felt the tears start to fill your eyes, you headed for the door, wishing you could make it slam behind you.

Once outside, you breathed in the cold air and tried to hold yourself together. Well, you had a plan to find out where you stood with the brothers, and it worked. Sam would rather do freaking research, and Dean would rather do a bar bimbo than spend time with you. Now, you had your answer. Time to call a cab, head back to the bunker, and drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream and a fifth of whiskey.

You took out your phone, and searched your contacts for the local cab company while you headed down the steps. Before you knew what happened, your left ankle overturned, sending you flying. You landed hard on your hands and knees, skidding on the asphalt, and then rolled to your left side, landing hard on your hip and shoulder. It knocked the wind out of you for just long enough that you felt the panic start to rise in your chest, and then your lungs expanded again and you started to take deep breaths. You managed to sit up carefully, looking down at your bloody hands and knees, and then you felt the stabbing pain in your ankle. There was no stopping the tears, now, and you were glad that you had at least rolled behind a car, outside of the view of anyone leaving the bar, especially Dean. You searched for your phone, thinking that maybe you should call Sam, after all, but you found it on the ground about ten feet or so away from you. There was no way you could reach it, and with your rapidly swelling ankle and destroyed palms and knees, there was no way you could get to it. You sat there and just let the tears fall, feeling completely humiliated, until you heard someone pull into the parking lot and get out of their car. You saw them head toward the door, but they didn’t see you, and you heaved a sigh of relief. You weren’t sure if it would be more or less humiliating for a stranger to find you than it would be if Dean found you.

You finally calmed down enough to get your wits about you, and realized that you needed to call Cas. You sent up a prayer, and the tears started to fall again. When Cas finally found you, you could barely speak, but you managed to get him to grab your phone before he picked you up like a child and you heard the familiar flutter of wings. You were sobbing into his shoulder when you realized that you were in your bedroom in the bunker. He laid you down on the bed and sat next to you, grabbing some tissues and handing them to you. You blew your nose and wiped your face, then used some tissues on your palms, and looked up at Cas’s very worried face.

“Myka, what happened? Where are Sam and Dean? Why were you out there alone? Were you attacked?” You took a hitching breath to try and calm yourself.

“I decided to try and get one of them to notice me, you know? I dressed up, and I flirted, and I thought at least one of them would respond. But Sam would rather do research and Dean would rather do some bar bimbo than me.” The tears started falling again, but at least you weren’t blubbering this time. “And then, I was on my way out, and I fell down the stairs like a clumsy kid and couldn’t move.” You sniffled, and then looked thankfully at your best friend. “Thank you so much for coming to get me. I’m such a mess, and I just didn’t know what to do.”

Cas looked you up and down, and then spoke softly, “Do you want me to heal your injuries? I know sometimes humans are stubborn about these things, so I thought I should ask, first.”

You nodded sadly and sniffled again. You had never been healed by Cas before, and the injuries were mild, but the stinging pain would be a constant reminder of how stupid you were to think a Winchester could ever want you. If the physical damage was gone, then maybe the emotional damage would heal more quickly.

Cas took off your shoes, looked at your ankle, already swollen to twice its normal size, and put his right hand gently on your foot. You saw light, and felt a warm tingle spreading under his hand. He slowly moved his hand over your ankle, and you felt a whisper of a touch from his cool fingers along with the tingling warmth. He slid his hand up your leg, slowing down when he reached your battered knee. As you felt the pain dissipate, the tingling stopped, and he carefully brushed gravel from your healed skin. He moved his hand to your right knee, repeating the process. You were transfixed, and you could swear you felt a different kind of tingle from his touch as he gently brushed the gravel from your right knee. He then took your right hand in both of his, holding your hand with his left, passing his right hand over your palm, and then gently brushing the gravel from your skin. You were now completely enraptured, tears forgotten, warmth pooling in your abdomen. He looked up at you while he pressed his lips to your palm, and then put your hand back in your lap. As he picked up your left hand, you felt your heart beating in your ears, because damn, if this wasn’t the sexiest thing a man had ever done to you. Holding your hand in his left, he passed his right hand over your palm, gently brushed the gravel from your skin, and then pressed his lips to your palm, his gaze locked with yours, holding his lips against your skin a second longer than he did with your other hand. Your breath hitched, and the warmth in your abdomen had now officially settled between your thighs. He looked up at you, his eyes dark, and he put your hand back down in your lap. He cupped your face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears, and he pressed his lips to yours in the gentlest kiss you thought you’d ever had in your life. He took his lips away, but pressed his forehead to yours.

“Is there anywhere else?” he whispered, his hands still cupping your face. You nodded slightly, not wanting to break contact with him. He pulled away, and you leaned closer to him, exposing where you had landed on your left hip, and you didn’t need to tell him, because he already knew. He placed his right hand just above your left knee, and as he moved it up the outside of your thigh to your hip, you rested your forehead on his left shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. His skin was cool when you first touched it, but it warmed up quickly. You wrapped your right arm around him, and as his hand moved past your hip to your ass, he pulled you closer. You wrapped your other arm around him, too, and marveled at the feeling of cool, solid muscle under his clothes. His hand moved up your left side, ghosting past the side of your breast, until it reached the bruise you felt forming on your shoulder. The warmth and tingle were followed by his mouth pressing a gentle kiss there, through the thin fabric of your blouse. His arms seemed to try and pull you closer, holding you tightly, while he pressed a kiss on the skin of your neck, just inside the neckline of your blouse. You moaned, feeling the brush of his stubble against your skin, and wished you could feel the skin of his back underneath your fingernails. He gently dragged his lips up your neck until they found your mouth, and then he kissed you more urgently. His tongue ran along your lips until you opened them, and then he invaded your mouth, one hand on your neck, the other sliding down your back and squeezing your ass, trying to pull you closer, even though it was impossible.

Like a shot, he pulled away from you and slid down the bed closer to your feet. His face was bright red, his breathing as ragged as your own, but he looked slightly horrified and overly apologetic.

“I’m so sorry, Myka. I didn’t mean to do that. I just couldn’t seem to help myself. I know that, uh,  _that_ , is not something that friends do, and we are friends, and you love Sam and Dean, and that was just entirely inappropriate.”

As soon as you comprehended what he was saying, you got up and climbed into his lap, hitching up your skirt so you could straddle his legs. You cupped his face in your hands, and pressed your lips to his, urging him to open his mouth so you could search his mouth with your tongue. You ran your fingers through his short black hair, and moved your hips closer to his, feeling his hard length through his pants. His arms came around you and traveled up and down your back. You moaned as you broke the kiss, and leaned your forehead against his.

“Cas, you are my best friend, and I love you. Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with?’” He nodded, breathing rapidly. “Then I’m going to say this once. You are not taking advantage of me, I want this as much as I think you do,” you both moaned as you moved your hips against his, “and unless you think this will cause a problem for you somehow, I’m fine with it. We can talk about consequences later. But if you really don’t want to do this, you’d better fly away now, because I won’t be able to stop again.” You pulled your face away from his and looked into his eyes. His eyes were so very dark, you almost couldn’t see the ring of brilliant blue around his pupils. He took a breath, and lowered his lips to your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses along your collarbone. One hand came off your back for a second, you heard a snap, and suddenly you were skin against skin, your clothes gone. Like before, his skin felt cool, but warmed quickly everywhere you touched him. You dug your nails into the solid muscles in his back while his lips returned to your neck. He put one hand on each of your thighs to support you, and stood up, holding you against him. You wrapped your legs around his waist, and he laid you down on the bed, leaning on his elbows so he wouldn’t crush you. His lips moved down from your neck, finding one nipple with his mouth, teasing it with his tongue, while kneading your other breast with his hand. You writhed underneath him, scratching his back and moaning his name. He pulled his hips away from yours while his hand moved down your side from your breast to your hip, then across your thigh. His mouth found your other nipple and teased it mercilessly until you begged for more. His fingers reached your clit, and he started to rub circles around it, causing you to buck your hips and cry out. He lowered his fingers further, groaning at finding you soaked and ready, and slowly he pushed two fingers inside of you. He moved his mouth back up to yours, and pushed his tongue into your mouth at the same speed as his fingers moved inside of you. His thumb pressed on your clit as he found that sweet spot inside you, and he swallowed your moans as he felt you come apart around his fingers. He kept moving gently while you rode it out, kissing your neck, and groaning as he felt you come down. When you relaxed, he removed his hand, making you whimper. He smiled while he licked his fingers, and then moved his hips so he was lined up with your entrance. He slowly pushed into you, and then paused while you moaned his name.

“The noises that you make when I touch you are absolutely intoxicating.” He started to move his hips slowly, causing you to whimper as you felt your body warming up again. “I never could have imagined how wonderful it feels knowing I can make you feel that way.” He started to build a rhythm, which was maddeningly slow. “And I never could have imagined how good it would feel to be this close to you.” You dug your nails into his back, and wrapped your legs around his waist, your hips straining to meet his, urging him to go faster while you whimpered and begged. He responded to your begging by cupping your breast with his hand and teasing the nipple with his teeth, bringing you a flash of pain, then licking the pain away with his tongue. He began to pick up speed, and you felt yourself getting close again.

“Cas, I’m so close, please….” His hand moved from your breast down your side to your hip, then you felt his fingers on your clit. Between his fingers and his ragged thrusts, you felt yourself start to fall over the edge. Cas moaned out your name, and your vision went white as you fell apart around him. You felt him come inside of you, his hips stuttering, his hand gripping your hip almost painfully. As he slowed and came to a stop, he kissed your mouth, groaning as he gently pulled out of you. Your breath mingled as you both panted and kissed until your hearts slowed back down to a normal rhythm.

He stilled his mouth for a moment, and looked deep into your eyes, searching for something. You gazed back at him, sending him the thoughts you couldn’t say out loud because you couldn’t find the breath _. Thank you. That was incredible. Thank you. I have no regrets._ You ran a hand through his hair, and gave him a gentle kiss. He smiled, and shifted so he was lying next to you on the bed, pulling the covers up and over you both. You turned onto your side and snuggled into his arms, leaving one arm on his chest and throwing a leg over one of his.


	69. Chapter 69

You woke up a short while later, and looked up to see Cas smiling down at you. You gave him a big smile back and kissed his chest. You rested your head on his chest again and sighed.

“We’re going to have to make rules or something for this, I’m afraid.” You felt him shift underneath you, and you pulled away so you could look at him. His face was neutral, but you could sense the confusion and fear coming from him. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt. No you, not me, and not Dean and Sam. You three put your lives on the line all the time, and I don’t want anything about this to cause anyone to miss a step when you’re on a hunt. That’s most important.” Cas nodded in agreement. “On top of that, though, we have to be perfectly clear with each other about everything we’re feeling.” You looked down at your hand for a moment, screwing up the courage to ask the big question you needed answered. “I need to know how you feel about me, and how you feel about how I feel about you.” The angel considered this for a long time before answering.

“I feel a profound bond between us, which this has strengthened. I know that I am not first in your affections, and I accept that. If you don’t want to ever do this again, I’ll accept that, too.” He paused, and then blushed slightly. “If you do want to do it again, I would welcome that.” He smiled and looked away from you while his face continued to redden. “Most of all, I agree that if this should cause any problems in any way whatsoever, then we need to stop. There are too many possible lives at stake. Should I become distracted during a hunt, someone could be hurt, or worse.”

“So, we both think that this is not a bad thing, and it feels like a good thing, and we wouldn’t mind doing it again, as long as it doesn’t cause problems for anyone. Right?”

Cas smiled. “Right.” You snuggled back into his side, and started tracing patterns on his chest.

“That’s good, because although that was really nice, there are a lot of other things I’d like to do with you, if you think you’re up to it?” You gave Cas a sly grin, and he gave you a huge smile in return. He turned over next to you so he’s on top of you, leaning on his elbows, running his hands through your hair, one knee between your thighs, and his hardening length pressed again your hip.

“Oh, really?” he said as he leaned down to capture your lips with his. “I can’t wait.”


	70. Chapter 70

_Dean_

Waking up in the back of the Impala was never fun, but doing it in January in Kansas was even less fun. Dean shivered as he felt the cold down through to his bones. Maybe he needed to invest in some heating for the garage if this was going to be a regular thing. After watching Myka dance in that damn skirt, he had made a decision. Myka obviously wanted something from either one of them, so he took himself out of the equation. He found a girl named Tracy, or Tara, or maybe Terry, and decided he would work out his frustrations with her while Sammy took care of Myka. His plan had completely backfired, though, when he had said the wrong name and she had kicked him out into the cold. He had driven back to the bunker, but couldn’t face listening to what he imagined he would hear from either Sam’s room or Myka’s room, so he had slept in the car. Dean knew he had to go into the bunker and face the music, if only to get out of the cold garage, but his steps were still slow. Picturing Sam and Myka kissing and smiling made him feel like someone was ripping his heart out of his chest and stabbing it repeatedly.

Dean walked into the library and saw Sam sitting at one of the tables, books spread all around him. He took off his jacket, finally feeling the warmth of the bunker warming his skin.

“I really thought you’d be studying Myka’s curves right about now, not dusty old books, Sammy.” Dean tried his best to smile and joke. Sam looked up at him with confusion all over his face.

“What are you talking about, Dean? I left Myka with you last night, and came back here to do some research. I thought the two of you were off at a motel or something?” Dean could see the same feelings he was having mirrored on his little brother’s face.

“Wait, you left Myka with me? Sam, I left Myka with you!” Dean looked at his brother, as fear and worry replaced pain on both of their faces. Sam jumped up.

“I’ll check her room and this half of the bunker, you check the kitchen and that half, and we’ll meet back here.” Sam disappeared and Dean headed toward the kitchen.


	71. Chapter 71

_Myka_

The next morning, Cas decided to stay for breakfast, even though food didn’t necessarily taste like food to him, anymore. You both headed into the kitchen, and he watched you cook some eggs and sausage, stealing a bite here or there to confirm that it really didn’t suit him. He watched you eat your breakfast, staring at your mouth while you chewed, until you told him he had to find something to do while you ate, even if it was something as mundane as reading the newspaper. He disappeared for a moment, coming back with a newspaper, which he proceeded to read aloud to you. You chuckled at his editorializing on some subjects while you did the dishes. He startled you by sneaking up behind you while your hands were in the water and wrapping his arms around your waist. He whispered in your ear something that made you giggle, and you turned around to look at him, only to see Dean standing in the doorway. You practically screamed Dean’s name in your mind to Cas, and his hands dropped from your sides and he took a step back. Just as he was getting out of your reach, you changed your mind, and pulled him back to you, putting an arm around his waist.

_Why should I feel bad about having a good time with Cas when he was having a good time with Barbie last night? He obviously has no interest in me, so there shouldn’t be a problem. There’s no point in hiding things. So, put on your best smile and get over it, woman!_

“Hey, Dean! Have you had breakfast, yet? Cas has confirmed that eggs and sausage are not his thing anymore, so there’s some left over if you want them.” You sent a message to Cas to help you by drying the dishes, and he picked up a towel while you turned back to the sink.

“I’m not that hungry this morning.” You heard Dean pull up a chair at the table and fiddle with the newspaper. “I was just talking to Sammy, and we were wondering how you got home last night. We each thought the other one had brought you back. I guess now I know who gave you a lift.” You tried your best to keep your voice even and light as you replied.

“Yeah, Cas was nice enough to come and get me. I was going to grab a cab, but I dropped my phone before I could make the call. I’m lucky Cas wasn’t otherwise occupied, I guess.” You looked up at the angel, who was looking very uncomfortable, and you tried to give him a reassuring smile. You washed the last dish, and then turned to Cas. “I bet you have to go check in, so why don’t you go, and we can catch up later?” Cas got the message you were trying to send him, and he gave you a quick kiss before disappearing. You did your best to act normal while you put away the dishes, hoping Dean couldn’t see your shaking hands.

“So, uh, you and Cas, huh?” Dean said, turning a page in the newspaper.

“Yeah. You know, we’re best friends, we care about each other, so why not? It’s not like I can go out and meet someone new without putting their life in danger every time we’d go on a date. This works for both of us.” You put away the last dish and forced yourself to sit down across from Dean at the table. “Look, if this causes any kind of problem, it stops. Cas and I agreed on that. With what you guys do, there are too many lives at stake for us to put whatever this is between us before everything else. So, if this starts to cause problems, you need to let us know.” Dean seemed to be concentrating on a certain point in the newspaper without looking up, so you put your hand on the paper to get his attention. He looked up at you with an expression you couldn’t read. “Did you hear me? If this is a problem, Dean, just say something. Same for Sam. But you have to say something.” Dean looked at you for a long moment before responding.

“If he makes you happy, and you make him happy, then there’s nothing wrong with it. As long as you two don’t somehow interfere with a hunt, like you said, then I have nothing to say.” You hoped like hell that Dean couldn’t see the hurt in your eyes as you felt your throat tighten. You nodded and mumbled something about having to hit the books and left the room as quickly as you could. You managed to get all the way to your bedroom before the tears started to fall.


	72. Chapter 72

_Sam_

He flung open Myka’s bedroom door, to see the clothing she was wearing last night in a heap on the floor, and the bed had been slept in.  _Okay, she made it home, that’s good._  He walked quickly around the rest of the bunker, expecting to meet Dean somewhere along the way, but he didn’t. When he got to the kitchen, he saw Dean sitting at the table, head in his hands.

“Well, she made it home last night because her bed has been slept in and the clothes she was wearing last night are here. I guess she called a cab or something and got a ride back.” Sam sat down across from his brother. Dean looked up slowly, the pain on his face clear.

“Cas. Cas got her home. Her phone broke so she called him and he flew her here.” Sam heaved a sigh of relief, but his brother doesn’t look relieved.

“What is it, Dean? What’s wrong?”

“She and Cas. You know.” Dean rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. Sam felt like an elephant just sat on his chest. “It’s for the best, really,” Dean tried to argue. “She could have brought home some douche from the bar, or some monster could have found her when she was by herself and…” Dean cut off his thought when his voice broke. “We left her alone, Sam. Alone and vulnerable in a freaking bar, so we deserve what we get right now. We’re damn lucky she called Cas and he answered, and we’re going to have to keep reminding ourselves of that every time we watch her kiss him and touch him. This is on us, you got that, Sam?” Sam nodded, unable to speak.


	73. Chapter 73

_Myka_

Sam almost caught you crying when he came to your door to offer to take you to get a new phone. You managed to hold yourself together, though, and the two of you headed into town. The silence is the car was tangible until Sam finally spoke.

“Uh, Dean told me about you and Cas. And, I’m so sorry about leaving you at the bar last night. I really thought Dean would bring you home.” You stared out the window, trying to keep your breath even and your tone light.

“It’s okay, Sam. I’m a big girl, now. You guys have taught me how to defend myself from pretty much anything, so I was fine. If I hadn’t have dropped my phone, it wouldn’t have been a big deal.” You managed to throw a smile Sam’s way, then went back to watching the neighborhood fly past your window. A long moment passed before Sam spoke again.

“So, you and Cas. You guys have a lot in common, so I guess it’s only natural, huh?” You nodded and made a noise in the affirmative, still looking out the window. “I was a little surprised, just because I’ve always heard you call him your best friend. I guess it never occurred to me that you two might, well, be more than that.” Your throat tightened and you did your best to clear it before you replied.

“He is my best friend. And I care about him like a best friend. But he’s also a good distraction from what I can’t have.” You paused, swallowing the lump that kept reforming in the back of your throat. “We’re both just, you know, making the best of an unusual situation. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your hunting, and nobody gets hurt, then it’s a good thing.” You shrugged and finally managed to turn back towards Sam as he pulled the Impala into a parking spot and turned off the engine. “I told Dean this, and I’ll tell you, too. If either one of you has a problem with this, you have to tell me.” Sam kept his face stony, and just shook his head no. He finally opened his mouth to speak as he got out of the car.

“As long as you two are happy, and it doesn’t keep Cas from hunting when we need him, then there’s nothing to say, I guess.” You turned and got out of the car, following behind him as he entered the store, glad he couldn’t see your face.


	74. Chapter 74

_Dean_

All Dean could do was throw himself into hunting, and try to stay away from the bunker as much as possible.  At the bunker, he saw Myka and Cas everywhere, even when neither one of them was around. When they were around, it was hard to ignore the subtle touches and obvious psychic conversations they shared. He was just thankful they kept the kissing to a minimum. Sam seemed to feel the same way, and they went after monsters with a viciousness that even surprised themselves. They only stayed in the bunker when they absolutely had to, and they rarely called on Cas unless it was a last resort. Dean tried to work off his frustrations with various waitresses, but it never seemed to work. Sam seemed to have turned finding new hunts into a marathon sport, sometimes finding the next hunt before they were cleaned up from the one they just finished. They both knew what they were doing, risking their lives by going into situations half-cocked, but neither one seemed to care much.

After a month or so, they ended up working a case with their friend, ex-hunter-turned-werewolf, Garth. Some rogue wolves were impeding on his pack’s territory and he needed a hand getting rid of them. The Winchesters were happy to help, as long as it meant killing the sons of bitches, pun intended.

The first night, Garth and Dean were staking out a place that Garth suspected was the pack’s home base, when Garth nailed Dean with the kind of questions only the well-meaning and irrepressible hunter could get away with asking.

“All right, Dean, talk to me. What the heck is up with you and your brother? I’ve never seen you two so trigger happy before. And you both look like you’ve been put through a combine.”

“Gee, thanks, Garth. You look great, too.” Dean grimaced at the lanky man in the passenger seat.

“Seriously, bro, what up? Don’t make me get out Mr. Fizzles.” Garth gave Dean his you-know-I’ll-do-it look.

“Not the damn sock puppet! I refuse to talk to a sock!” Dean pointed a finger at Garth and shook his head. Garth put something unseen back into his pocket and gave Dean an innocent look.

“Then talk. What’s going on?”

“It’s a woman. Need I say more?” Dean looked completely done with the whole conversation.

“Well, that’s no surprise. The Winchesters were always able to get their fair share of girls. So, what’s the problem?” Dean pursed his lips and looked steadily at Garth.

“It’s  _A_  woman.” Garth took a moment to think about it, and then his eyes got wide.

“Ohhhhhhhhh! One woman? And you both are…?” Dean nodded, closing his eyes, and then shook his head.

“Yup. Both of us. Crazier than a sack of cats, to borrow your phrase from earlier.” Dean sighed, putting his eyes back onto the house they were supposed to be watching.

“Wow. You and Sam are fighting over her? She must be something to have both of you wrapped around her finger.” Dean shook his head again.

“No, we’re not fighting over her. And now she’s dating a friend of ours. A good friend. So, we’re just keeping our distance and taking care of business.”

“So you all fell for your friend’s girl? That’s bad, yo. No wonder you’re all tense and locked up. Does she know how you feel?”

“Oh, hell no! Sammy and I have been trying to not scare her off. And we did such a good job of not scaring her off, she started dating Cas.” Dean rubbed a hand over his face. “When it started, she said if it was a problem, she’d end it. But, except for how Sam and I feel, there’s no problem. And it’s just weird sharing this thing with my brother. We have never had this happen before. Our tastes are usually so different. This is just so screwed up.” Garth nodded, and thought for a moment while both men looked out over the street.

“She said she’d end it if it was a problem? It sounds like this thing with your friend isn’t too serious, then. Maybe there’s hope. Does he know how you feel?”

“No way. I mean, I thought maybe he might, but if he did, he wouldn’t have started up with her.”

“Then maybe that’s your answer. Tell him. And then tell her. Because you two can’t keep going like this. You all are dangerous right now, and you’re likely to get yourselves killed.” Dean sighed.

“I know. But they seem happy. And there’s so little happiness in this life, Sam and I just can’t break up theirs because we can’t control ourselves. So, we hunt.”

“Well, if that’s how you really feel. But if you ever change your mind and want someone to talk to, Mr. Fizzles is always available.”

Dean rolled his eyes and said, “Thanks.”


	75. Chapter 75

_Sam_

After the hunt with Garth, heading back to the bunker was a must. Although neither brother was seriously hurt, the sheer number of bruises and gashes and scrapes they got from the werewolf pack added up to a need for a few days off. Garth had talked to Sam after talking to Dean, offering the same advice and ear to listen, but Sam wasn’t interested. What was there to talk about? He had screwed up. He had tried to do the right thing and get out of his brother’s way, and they both lost out. Now, they had to go home and face Myka and Cas while they healed up.

As they came down the stairs, they called out to Myka, and she answered from the library. They walked in, and when she looked at them, Sam could see the concern on her face.

“What happened to you two? Why didn’t you call Cas to heal you?” Myka’s eyes looked over their faces, taking note of every scratch and bruise. Sam sat down at one of the tables with a groan, while Dean chose to settle into an armchair, but made a similar noise while wincing in pain.

“It’s nothing serious, Myka. Just scrapes and bruises. Nothing worth calling Cas away from a Heavenly mission, or from you, really,” Sam said, trying to plaster on a smile.

“We just need a few days to rest up and we’ll be good as new again, Princess.” Dean tried to smirk, but failed. Myka got up from where she had been sitting and walked over to Sam, cupping his head in her hands for a moment before dropping them back to her sides. Sam did his best to hide the tumult of feelings her simple action brought to the surface and concentrated on looking nonchalant. He saw Dean fight the same battle as she walked over to him and almost touched a particularly nasty gash on his forehead before letting her hand drop.

“Well, Cas isn’t here, and hasn’t been for a couple of days, but the moment he gets here, I’m asking him to take care of you two.” Both brothers argued immediately, talking over each other. Myka looked from one to the other, her face frozen in what Sam thought might be a mix of concern and frustration, and then quietly said, “Fine,” and left the room. Sam got up, found the nearest whiskey bottle, and poured a double for both him and his brother. After they finished their drinks in silence, they both grabbed their gear and headed to their rooms. Sam grabbed the shower first, and even he had to admit he looked like crap when he saw himself in the mirror.

On his way out of the bathroom, as he was about to pass Myka’s door, he paused, hearing what sounded almost like crying coming from her room. Her door was open, and when he peeked in, he saw Cas and Myka sitting on the bed, Myka’s face buried in Cas’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around her, stroking her hair. Myka pulled away just long enough to look Cas in the eyes for a long moment, and Sam could see the tears on her cheeks. Cas smiled weakly at her and said, “I know, I know,” and she buried her face in his shoulder again. Sam quickly passed the open door and headed to his own room to get dressed. Seeing Myka cry made it hard for him to breathe. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Cas comforting her. He knew he was jealous of how Cas could obviously read her thoughts. No wonder she fell for him. He’s a freaking angel. Sam considered all the different ways being an angel would be an asset in a relationship. Telepathy was just the start, really. Sam felt a wave of angry jealousy take over as he jerked a shirt over his head, causing himself to wince in pain from the sore ribs he had almost forgotten he had. Sam shook his head and sighed at himself. None of this was any good to anyone.

He opened his door and walked out into the hallway at the same time Dean left the bathroom and Cas was leaving Myka’s room. Cas looked at both of them almost angrily for a moment, causing both of them stop and look at him. Cas walked up to Dean and stabbed at his forehead with two fingers, healing him, then did the same to Sam. Sam saw Dean give Cas the same surprised look he was sure was on his own face. Cas just looked at the two of them again, shook his head, and went back into Myka’s room, shutting the door behind him. Dean looked at his brother wide-eyed.

“Well, I’m not a psychic, but I think we just got told off. What the heck was that about?” Dean headed toward his room and Sam followed, closing the door behind him.

“Um, well, Myka was crying. They were doing that telepathic thing, so I didn’t know why, but I guess she doesn’t like it when we don’t call Cas to heal us.” Sam tried not to smile at the idea of Myka caring enough about him to hate seeing him injured. “I guess she tattled on us.” Dean shook his head.

“What, are we little kids, now, who need someone to kiss our boo-boos every time we get a paper cut?” Sam sighed and glared at Dean.

“No, Dean, but she cares about us, and she’s still not used to seeing us banged up. And we can’t be sure she did more than just get upset, if you think about it. Cas might be tuned in to her in ways we can’t even comprehend, what with her being half angel, and them being, well, you know, close.” Dean grimaced and sat down on his bed while Sam sat down on Dean’s chair. “At least we know he’s taking care of her, if you think about it. He comforted her when she was crying, and obviously healed us to make her happy.” Sam sighed. “If either one of us were Cas just then, wouldn’t we have done the same thing?” Dean grunted and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I would do, with just that attitude, too.” Dean chuckled. “I don’t think Cas has ever healed us in anger before, do you?” Sam smiled and shook his head.

“Uh, no, I don’t think so.” Sam looked down at his hands. “We’re lucky he takes such good care of her, I guess. You were right. She could have hooked up with some douche at the bar, and we’d be watching her get treated like crap, instead.” Dean nodded and grimaced.

“On that note, I think I’m going to go find that whiskey bottle and try to empty it. Care to join me?” Dean got up and headed for the door.

“Sure,” said Sam, as he followed Dean out to the library.


	76. Chapter 76

_Myka_

Over the next couple of months, you settled into a routine. Sam and Dean were off on hunts more often than they were at the bunker, so you and Cas ended up spending a lot of time together. Knowing how thin the walls in the bunker actually are, you both agreed that you should only indulge in your more private pursuits when the Winchesters were away. Dean’s birthday came and went without him there, so you just left your present for him wrapped on his bed. Cas went out of his way to make Valentine’s Day special for you, and even topped it off by telling you that spending time with you in your bed had surpassed spending time in Heaven as his favorite pastime. He seemed particularly ambitious when it came to learning everything about your body, and even spent one entire night closely inspecting every inch of your skin, making sure he had kissed and fondled very part of you. He offered to heal the stretch marks on your stomach, running his fingers lightly along them, but you declined. They were a badge of honor to you, and you wouldn’t give them up for the world. He questioned every scar he found on you, giving special loving attention to the scar in your navel from your surgery to make sure there were no more children, and the scar near your bikini line from the emergency C-section you had with your second child. He tenderly kissed the little heart tattoos on your hip, whispering each child’s name, even though you had never told them to him. You tried to give him the same loving attention he showered onto you, but he always managed to turn the tables on you and leave you breathless, forgetting whatever agenda you had had in mind.

One night, you asked him about his wings, and how you could hear them, but never see them or feel them. He sat up in bed, kneeling in front of you, and with the familiar flutter you had grown to love, there they were. The feathers were white, and so bright you almost thought they shone like silver. His eyes blazed blue as he watched you inspect them. You kneeled in front of him, in absolute awe, and asked him if you could touch them. He nodded, and you ran your hands from the muscles of his shoulders down his back behind him. When you reached the joints where the wings attached to his back, he put his hands on your hips and buried his head in your shoulder. As you gently brushed your hands over the feathers, his grip on your hips tightened, and he groaned into your neck, pressing his lips there to muffle the sound. You whispered to him how beautiful he was as you brought your hands back to his shoulders and then up to his head, running your fingers through his hair until he lifted his head and kissed you. After that, you found that you loved almost grooming his wings, running your fingers through the feathers and straightening any that were out of place. It wasn’t just because it was apparently a huge turn on for him, either, though it was a guaranteed way to get him going. It was soothing for you, too, much like running your fingers through his hair, or massaging his shoulders when he was tense. All in all, life loving an angel should have been very good, but you still had a sadness in your heart that even Cas in all of his feathered glory couldn’t completely stamp out.

On the rare occasion the brothers came back to the bunker between hunts, they were always banged up. In fact, it seemed the only time they came back was when they needed time to heal up. You kept yourself distracted from worrying about the Winchesters on their hunts by throwing yourself into everything you did. By the time spring rolled around, the library was digitally searchable, without having to use the physical card catalog. You were proud to be able to find what was needed more quickly than ever when the brothers called needing help. You had even managed to fully integrate Bobby’s haphazard collection into the library. You also took over the duties of answering phones when the Winchesters needed some official backup. Your newest project was a full inventory of the artifacts in the various store rooms, using Cas’s help, of course, since many of those objects could cause some serious damage if handled improperly. You were looking forward to having Sam and Dean truck in the items from their father’s various storage units to complete the collection.

It was one of the afternoons when Cas was helping you do inventory in the storage room when he opened a box that should have stayed closed. Your usual method of dealing with these curse boxes was to look for any information about the box in whatever paper was nearby, and if you found nothing, then Cas would try to sense whatever was inside the box. Opening a box was the absolute last resort, even though most cursed objects required actual contact before they caused a problem. The red box that looked more like something out of a department store than a curse box was different. You searched for clues about the contents, and found nothing in any nearby paperwork. Cas peered at the markings on the box and thought they looked a bit strange for a curse box. He said somehow it reminded him of something a Cupid would do, but he didn’t know why. He put his hands on the box, trying to sense anything from the contents, and he actually sensed nothing, like it was empty. Maybe this was some gift an old Men of Letters agent had wrapped up for a girlfriend and hidden down here for safekeeping, then forgot? You both shrugged, and Cas opened the box.

As soon as he looked in the box, he closed the box, but it was already too late. He turned to you, eyes blazing, and he unfurled his wings. You took a step back in surprise, but he reached you and crushed you to him before you could react. His lips were on yours and his hands were all over you in an instant. You blinked, and you were both in your bedroom, clothing gone, and he pushed you onto the bed, climbing on top of you. His mouth went to the spots on your neck that he knew so well, sucking and nipping and kissing, while his hands seemed to be everywhere. He heard you moan, and that was all the invitation he needed, pushing into you until you cried out his name. He set a quick rhythm, and growled as he kneaded your breasts and fingered your clit, almost demanding that you come for him. When you finally fell apart, you felt his orgasm follow, and he finally began to slow his movements. As he pulled out of you, he continued kissing you and caressing you, whispering about how beautiful you were and how he could spend forever in your arms. When he finally calmed down, he looked very guilty, and apologized for being so forceful. You assured him you were okay, and he smiled nervously. A few minutes later, he was worshipping your body again, kneading your breasts, thrusting his fingers inside of you, and palming your clit until you came hard again. After he came inside you the second time, he seemed to calm down enough that he could talk. He told you that whatever was in the box seemed to incite love and arousal, and that he thought it was slowly dissipating, but he still felt the pull of it. By about midnight, after several more rounds, you were both exhausted, but he seemed to finally be spent. He fell asleep in your arms, which was unusual since angels don’t need sleep, and as you drifted off, yourself, you had the passing thought that it was a good thing the Winchesters were away when you found that box.


	77. Chapter 77

_Dean_

A day of relaxation in the southern sun had turned into a day and a half of solid driving to avoid a freak winter storm. Sam needed a couple of days to rest a dislocated shoulder, so they headed back to the bunker. As they walked through the door, Dean wondered if they should have warned Myka that they would be back early. He got his answer a few minutes later.

As they approached the dormitory hallway, they both heard the muffled sounds. Both brothers stopped in their tracks. It didn’t take long for them to identify what was going on. Sam grimaced, walked into his room and slammed the door. Dean figured Sam was probably going to put some headphones on, and thought maybe he’d do the same. Dean approached his door, realizing again how close his room was to Myka’s and how surprisingly thin cement walls could be. He went into his room, dropped his bags, and quietly shut the door. He sat down on his bed and put his head into his hands. If the sounds had been coming from some random motel room, he would have joked with Sam about it and maybe even listened in. But knowing it was the woman he loved with another man, and a freaking angel, no less, made this not nearly so sexy.

He got ready for bed, gritting his teeth and imagining all the painful things he wanted to do to his best friend. He put on his headphones, effectively drowning out the noise, and tried to go to sleep. But sleep didn’t come. After a half an hour of lying in bed with his eyes open, he took off the headphones to see if it had gotten quiet. Although it was quieter, the unmistakable sounds were still filtering through the wall. Dean sighed, grabbed a book, and headed to the library.

He pretended to read for a while, and then headed back towards his room. No sooner did he open his door, than he heard it again. He sighed, then went back to the library. After a few minutes of not seeing the words on the page in front of him, he decided to head to the kitchen for a snack. He opened up the refrigerator, and saw one of Myka’s famous apple pies. He grabbed himself a slice and sat down to eat it. As he dug in, he couldn’t help but think of the woman who made it. He could picture her singing and dancing in the kitchen while she rolled out the dough, and concentrating to make sure the lattice top looked perfect. Whenever he saw her in the kitchen, she inevitably had some flour or something on her face or in her hair, and it always took all of his strength to resist taking her in his arms and wiping it off, and then kissing her. Having seen Cas do practically that the morning after they had gotten together had knocked the wind completely out of him. Watching Cas do anything to or with Myka knocked the wind out of him. The whole angel connection they had was downright intimidating. He knew that he and Sam would have silent conversations sometimes, but nothing like Myka and Cas. Myka couldn’t read Cas’ thoughts all the time, but it seemed like sometimes she could. Cas was just good for her. He could understand her no matter what, and he made her smile. Dean frowned as his mind traveled back to why he was in the kitchen instead of his bed. Apparently the angel knew how to do more than just make her smile. Dean pushed away the last few bites of pie, suddenly not hungry anymore. He put the plate in the refrigerator, because he couldn’t bear to throw away even a few bites of pie, and headed back to his room. Even if the angel didn’t sleep, the woman would have to.

When he heard the noises still coming from the end of the hall, he groaned, and headed to the couch to watch TV. He almost fell asleep on the couch a half hour later, so tried going back to his room again. Not a good idea. He grabbed a blanket and a pillow from his bed, and headed back to the couch for the night.


	78. Chapter 78

_Myka_

You woke up the next morning with Cas wrapped around you, still sleeping. You kissed him awake, and asked him how he was feeling. He was still tired, but the amorous effects of the box had worn off, so you were safe to get up and leave him resting. You decided to make some breakfast since you had missed dinner the night before and headed toward the kitchen. Before you got there, though, you heard voices. You froze, wondering who could have broken into the bunker, and then recognized the elder Winchester.  _Oh, no, please don’t tell me they got in last night!_ You replayed the evening in your head, knowing full well that if anybody had been anywhere inside the bunker, they probably could have heard you.  _Please let them have gotten in this morning. Please, please, please!_ That thought was dashed as soon as you clearly heard the next thing Dean said.

“Three times last night, Sammy! Three times!” You heard something land hard on the table. “I’d leave my room, head out into the farthest part of the bunker away from her room, read a book for a while or something, and when I thought it was safe, I’d go back. Three times, I did that, and each time I was wrong!” Another something hit the table with a thud. You heard Sam’s voice, but you couldn’t hear his words. “Hell, yes, he makes her happy. And if I had stayed in my room last night, I could probably tell you exactly how many times he made her happy.” There was a pause, and you could almost picture Dean running his hands through his hair. “Cas is family, and I’m glad it’s him and not some douche from a bar, but right now I just want to tear his frickin’ wings off!” As you heard Sam’s voice in reply, you backed away from the door to the kitchen and headed back to your room, hunger forgotten.

Back in your room, you sat on the bed, watching Cas sleep, and pondering Dean’s words. Although you had always been careful to avoid this exact situation, you had always assumed it would be more embarrassing than angst-ridden. You had pictured Dean telling you to muffle yourself or something, assuming he even felt the need to mention it to you at all, but you never imagined actual anger. What the heck was going on? Dean couldn’t be jealous, could he? No. There had to be a rational explanation that didn’t involve feelings that couldn’t possibly exist.

You woke up Cas again, and told him what you heard. He seemed equally puzzled about Dean’s anger, but more concerned that Dean was upset at all. You told him to rest some more, and you would try to scope out what was going on. You got dressed while Cas went back to sleep, and decided to hit the store room and lock up that box before anyone else accidentally opened it. After you had secured the box, with a note attached to it declaring the dangers, you headed back to the kitchen. You approached quietly, not wanting to intrude on another tirade, and when you found it was quiet, you entered. Both brothers were nursing cups of coffee and reading the newspaper at the table. You sat down where you could see both of them.

“Before we exchange hellos and how are yous, you need to know that Cas got whammied by a curse box yesterday. I just locked it up tight with a note attached so it doesn’t happen to anyone else. Whatever is in that box, it hit hard and fast, and Cas is sleeping it off right now.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Dean, and were thankful when Sam responded.

“It whammied Cas? But he’s an angel! I thought he was pretty much immune to that kind of thing.”

“Apparently, it’s a, well, love or, um, arousal thing, I’m not exactly sure, but I guess if you’ve got a human vessel, you’re susceptible, even if you’re an angel.” You felt your cheeks get hot, and started trying to look anywhere but at the brothers. “Um, since you’re here, I can only guess what you heard last night, and I apologize, and I promise it will never happen again.” You cleared your throat and got up to find some food, completely unable to even try to look at the two men. “Anyway, like I said, Cas is actually sleeping right now, and has been since the worst of the effects wore off last night. I don’t know how long he’ll need to rest before he’s up to full power again, so you might want to hang around the bunker for a couple of days instead of heading out on another hunt right away.” You heard the brothers agree that sticking around for a while was a good idea while you made yourself a bowl of cereal.

After you filled your cereal bowl, you sat back down and tried to have a normal conversation, asking when they got in and how the hunt went. They told you all about the ghouls they found, and slowly the conversation normalized. Since they missed out on some relaxation time in the sun, and they were grounded for a couple of days because of Cas and Sam’s shoulder, they told you they were planning on just taking the day off and relaxing. You joked that they could always inventory curse boxes with you if they got bored, and they declined with a laugh. You cleaned up the breakfast dishes and headed back to check on your angel.

You walked into your bedroom, and Cas was awake and getting dressed. You sat down on the bed next to him and sighed.

“Were you able to determine what it was that Dean objected to about last night? Or was it just the noise?” His cheeks turned pink, and you had to smile because you loved when he blushed.

“I don’t know. I explained about the curse box and apologized for the noise, and their only comment was concern for your health and amazement that you were affected at all. Well, that was Sam’s reaction. Dean didn’t say anything.” You shook your head. “I just don’t understand.”

“Then perhaps I should question Dean. Since it sounds like I’m the one he has a problem with, maybe he and I can work it out somehow. He has been a bit distant with me for the past few months, so maybe this is a good time for us to have a talk and air things out.”

“All right. You hit Dean, and I’ll hit Sam. I think I might have to get sneaky to get him to talk to me, though.” You gave Cas a mischievous grin.


	79. Chapter 79

You went into the store room and spent a few minutes setting things up, and then searched the bunker until you found Sam doing something on his laptop in the library.

“Hey, Sam, can you help me in the store room? A small box got pushed way to the back of the corner of the top shelf, and even with the stool, I just can’t reach it. Could you use your extra couple of inches to grab it for me?” Sam nodded and got up, leaving everything behind, including his phone, which made you smile.  _Gotcha._

Once in the store room, you pointed to where the box was that you couldn’t reach, and while he reached for it, you quietly waved your hand at the door, shutting it softly and setting the lock on the outside. After the Metatron interrogation gone wrong, the door was replaced, but with only an exterior lock for use when the dungeon was in use. Considering that the biggest of baddies could be down here, the door was nigh impenetrable from the inside once locked from the outside. Sam was stuck. There would be no running away today.

Sam grabbed the box, while you tried not to get distracted by the glimpse of skin he showed as he reached up. You thought your heart may have skipped a beat, but you took a breath and forced it to calm down. You had work to do.

Sam handed you the box, and headed toward the door, looking confused when he realized it wouldn’t open. You tried to hide your smile while you finished your set up.

“Damn, has the door jammed again? It did that to me last week, too. I was lucky Cas was here to let me out.”

“Jammed? I wonder what’s jamming it?” Sam started inspecting the door and banging against it, trying to force it open. After about five solid minutes of trying to get the door to open, he finally gave up and reached for his phone. You confirmed you left your phone in your room, and that you had already prayed to Cas with no response.

“Cas must still be asleep. That curse box really did a number on him.” You sat down on the stool. “Well, we might as well get comfortable. I’m sure Dean will come looking for us eventually.” Sam shrugged and sat on the floor, legs outstretched. You took a minute to study his form, hoping he didn’t notice you appreciating him, and then got to the point. “Hey, Sam, I overheard something Dean said in the kitchen this morning.” Sam’s eyes flew to you, fear and alarm evident. “Why is Dean upset with Cas?” Sam shifted nervously, suddenly unable to look you in the eye.

“Um, could be any number of reasons, I guess. Why? What exactly did you hear?” He ran his hand through his hair and tried to look nonchalant.

“Enough to know that apparently you guys came home a lot earlier last night than I would have hoped, and that Dean is upset with Cas. Why would Dean be upset with Cas?” Sam tried to look innocent and shrugged.

“Like I said, could be any number of reasons. They have a long history, and before you got here, I would say Dean was Cas’s best friend. Maybe Dean just misses Cas always coming to him with stuff.” Sam seemed to relax. You saw the holes in his argument, but decided to let it go for the moment. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt before speaking again.

“So, Dean is upset about me and Cas, well, dating, I guess you could call it.” Sam suddenly looked alarmed, again.

“No! I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, maybe, but it’s not worth getting excited about. We just want you to be happy, and if Cas makes you happy, then we’re, you know, happy.” You nodded, having heard this before, but you’re not sure you’re buying it anymore.

Your hands fidgeted in your lap while you considered your next move. As you saw it, Dean could be mad at Cas for one of three reasons: Your relationship was somehow interfering with their hunting, it somehow interfered with Cas’s friendship with Dean, or it somehow interfered with his relationship with you. You didn’t honestly believe the first was an issue, or Dean wouldn’t hesitate to bring it up. And it most definitely wasn’t the third, because that would mean… that would mean he had feelings for you, which was just ridiculous. When had Dean ever shied away from romancing a woman? So, it must be Cas. If you pushed things with Sam right now, things would change, and there was no knowing if you’d like those changes. Let it go, and things would stay how they were. Did you want to know what had upset Dean badly enough to lose what you had with Cas? Would Cas be willing to give you up for Dean? Although you and Cas weren’t the great romance of the century, he was a comfort. But how comforting could he be to you, now that you knew that it upset Dean? You knew that from here on, every time you got near Cas, all you would be able to think about was Dean. So, yes, it looked like you were willing to give up Cas just to find out about Dean. God help you, but you loved Dean, and if you were hurting him, it had to stop. You decided to put it all out there and see what happened.

“So, if Cas wasn’t making me happy, then you would have a problem with it?” You looked up at Sam to gauge his reaction. Sam’s eyes got wide, and then his brow furrowed and he frowned.

“Are you unhappy with Cas, Myka?” You took a deep breath and considered your words carefully.

“Cas is wonderful. He’s my best friend, my trainer, and my family. He treats me like a queen, and seriously, he’s a freaking angel. By any girl’s standards, he’s a catch. But I’m not in love with him. And he’s not in love with me.” You paused, trying to read the look on Sam’s face and failing. “We’re killing time, teaching each other about humans and angels, and keeping each other distracted from the crap that’s outside of our little bubble. And, although I know any woman would smack me for saying this, he’s not what I want, long term. And even if I am something he could want long term, he’s fully aware of where he stands with me, and has accepted it.” You looked up at Sam again, but were still unable to read his face. “I think he’s using me as a learning experience, really. Whoever gets him next will have themselves a fully trained angel boyfriend, ready for anything. So, this is why I’m asking you if you, or Dean, have a problem. Breaking things off with Cas is not a big deal. It will take some adjustment to go back to the way we were, but there won’t be any broken hearts or moping.” Sam furrowed his brow again and almost squinted at you, trying to fully comprehend what you were saying. You looked him in the eyes and said, “You and Dean are more important to me than a roll in the hay with Cas.” Sam’s eyes widened, and then dropped to his hands again. “So, tell me, do you or Dean have a problem with me and Cas?”

Sam stared down at his hands, then looked up at you with a pained expression on his face, and said quietly, “Yeah.”

“Okay, then. That answers that. Is it both of you, or just Dean?” Sam squirmed.

“Both of us.” Your eyes widened and you swallowed hard.

“Oh! Well, that’s different, then. Can you tell me why?” Sam glared at the door, and then sighed.

“There’s a lot of different reasons, really, none of which we wanted to bother you with as long as you were happy. There’s Heaven not liking the whole angel/human relationship thing. Add to it that you’re a witch as far as they know, and there could be some serious blowback from upstairs. Then, there’s monsters and demons and anything else that we hunt deciding that you would make an excellent weapon against us. Dean and I are prepared for that, but we’re not sure Cas is. Yes, you can fight like we can, now, but Cas is used to his liabilities being already battle-hardened and ready to die, if need be. Crowley already knows you’re a weak spot for me and Dean, but if he finds out you make Cas vulnerable, too, who knows how that might turn out.” Sam paused and you see some pink rise in his cheeks. “And, to be honest, we did hear a bit too much of our friends last night, and it was a bit uncomfortable, so that’s probably why Dean went off this morning. He drove all day yesterday, and all he wanted to do when we got back was sleep, and I guess he didn’t get much sleep, after all.” He gave you an embarrassed smile and ran his hand through his hair again.

You took a breath, processing everything he just threw at you. You were right. There were good, if slightly weak, reasons why Dean would be upset that have nothing to do with having feelings for you, and everything to do with hunting and with Cas. You exhaled slowly, making sure you hid any disappointment.

“Okay, then. That settles it. I’ll talk to Cas as soon as we get out of here. Like I said, there might be an adjustment period, and I hope you guys are okay with that, but you won’t have to worry about hearing any more noises from my room, anymore.” You got up and walked to the door, stared at it for a while, and pretended to consider a plan.

“I’m going to try something and see if I can’t get us out of here.” You made a show of banging on different parts of the door, closing your eyes and seeming to concentrate, all the while quietly unlocking the latch outside. You grabbed the handle and pretended to give it a tug, and it opened easily. Sam stood up and raised his eyebrows.

“Wow! Remind me not to mess with you! From now on, you’re opening all the pickle jars.” He patted you on the shoulder and chuckled as he headed down the hallway.


	80. Chapter 80

_Sam_

He suspected that Myka had trapped him in the store room somehow, but he wasn’t sure he cared, anymore. At first, he had been nervous, afraid that being in such close quarters would cause him to react in some way to her and she’d find out how he felt about her. There had actually been a moment when the thought of pushing her up against the door and kissing her had crossed his mind, and he was just thankful she hadn’t seemed to notice how red his face got. And then, the conversation turned. Cas doesn’t make her happy. Sam was just glad she hadn’t heard his responses in the kitchen. She would have had no questions if she had. Cas doesn’t make her happy, and she’s ending it. Sam’s heart lifted at the thought. She’s ending it. Sam practically ran to the garage to find Dean.

“Hey, Dean! I just talked with Myka. Guess what she said about her and Cas?” Dean pulled his head out from under Baby’s hood with a smile on his face that just didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Cas doesn’t make her happy.” Sam stopped short and looked at Dean with confusion. “I just got done talking to Cas. Myka heard my little temper tantrum this morning and told him about it, so he came out here to find out why I was mad at him. He just kept pushing. Finally, I said what we’ve always said. As long as he makes her happy, then any objections I have don’t matter.” Dean wiped some grease from his hands with a rag. “And then he just said it. He doesn’t make her happy. He said he’s just a distraction for her.” Dean looked up at his brother with a hesitant smile.

“That’s what she just said to me! She somehow locked me in the storeroom with her so I couldn’t get out and then started grilling me. I gave her some bogus reasons about why you’d be upset, but she bought them. She said she’s going to break it off with Cas right away.” Sam gave his brother a big smile. “Dean, she doesn’t love him. She doesn’t want him. We have hope, right?” Dean looked at his little brother.

“Maybe. We’re just back where we were a few months ago, now. Except now Cas knows how we feel.” Dean held up his hand against Sam’s argument before he could say anything. “I know, but Cas just wouldn’t let it go. Finally, I got mad and just told him how we feel about her. We had a good talk about it, actually. He agreed to break it off with her, and not tell her why. So, we’re back at square one. We want her, but we don’t know if she wants either one of us. And it would be a shitty thing to do to hit on her right now, so we just need to keep status quo. Agreed?” Sam nodded.

“Agreed.”


	81. Chapter 81

_Myka_

You met up with Cas back in your bedroom and the two of you had a long talk. Cas was unusually closed-mouthed about his conversation with Dean, only confirming that Dean does have a problem, and it’s big enough to warrant ending things with you. Even though you knew it was a bad idea, you climbed into his lap and gave him a gentle kiss, ruffling his hair with your fingers.

“You know, even though I know I’ll still see you all the time for training and for helping with the library and everything, part of me will still miss being able to do things like this.”

Cas wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your neck. “I will, too.” You stroked his hair some more and kissed his forehead.

“You’d better go before we change our minds.” You both stood up and looked at each other nervously. “See you in a few days, maybe?”

The angel nodded and disappeared.


	82. Chapter 82

Learning how to live without your angel being around all the time was difficult, at first. Learning how to live when he was around, but breaking the habit of touching him all the time was even more difficult. To try and make things easier, he stayed away a lot at first, and then slowly began reintegrating into your life. Training was the only constant, and you’d even convinced Sam and Dean to take up some of the slack, now that you knew how to control your strength. Sparring with the Winchesters was different, since they had different moves and different teaching styles, so it was better this way, anyway. The brothers seemed to be at the bunker a lot more, so it helped reduce the loneliness that sometimes creeped in when you were alone.

Before you knew it, it was Sam’s birthday, and Charlie was coming for a visit. You were excited to see her, if only to get out of your own head for a while and have some girl time. The five of you went out to a bar and had a good time, then came back to the bunker for the cake you had baked and movies. While the boys were watching one of the movies, you and Charlie headed into the kitchen for girl talk while making snacks.

“You dated the angel??” Charlie seemed almost scandalized by the thought. You nodded and smiled. “But, I thought you had it bad for the Winchesters?”

“I did, and I do, but they have made it abundantly clear that they don’t return those feelings, so I moved on for a while.” You shrugged, turning back to fridge to grab some more ingredients. “I have accepted that I will most likely die an old maid, now. The boys have made it clear where they stand, and I certainly can’t bring anyone new into this mix. I guess from here on out my boyfriends will have to be battery-operated.” You and Charlie laughed while you started mixing up dip for snacks.

“Okay, I have to know. What’s it like dating an angel? I mean, I have so many questions about feathers alone!” Charlie giggled and you laughed.

“Well, it is nice to have a telepathic boyfriend who knows what you want almost before you do, especially in bed.” You licked the spoon and gave Charlie a knowing smile that made her laugh. “But the whole not sleeping thing can exhaust a girl, you know?” You laughed while Charlie’s eyes got big, and then she laughed with you. You handed some trays of food to Charlie to take out of the kitchen, and you grabbed the rest, almost running into Dean on your way out the door. You looked up at Dean, but couldn’t read the stony expression on his face.

“I was, uh, just coming back here to see if you needed a hand with anything.” He gave you a weak smile and accepted the bowl you handed to him. As you walked back to the couch you wondered what he may have heard.


	83. Chapter 83

_Dean_

As he approached the kitchen, he heard the girls giggling. It made him smile to know that Myka and Charlie got along so well. Living with two men and an angel was a lot of testosterone for one woman to deal with. He remembered how Lisa always needed a night with her girlfriends every once in a while, and was glad Charlie could be that for Myka.

He stopped dead when he heard their conversation though. “…telepathic boyfriend who knows what you want almost before you do, especially in bed. But the whole not sleeping thing can exhaust a girl, you know?” And then, laughter. So, what, maybe she does regret breaking it off with Cas? The thought hit him again, how could a mortal ever measure up to a freaking angel? His thought was cut off by Myka almost running right into him. He made his excuses and went back to the party, but spent most of the rest of the night brooding.


	84. Chapter 84

_Myka_

It felt like Charlie’s visit ended way too soon, and after she was gone you tried to just keep busy with inventory. Cas was noticeably absent, so there were a lot of curse boxes that went unopened, which meant you were pretty much just organizing the remaining boxes. Soon, you were onto your next project, which was translating some of the older texts, and anything the boys couldn’t already read. After a few days, though, you were dying for a break, which meant you were a little too excited when Sam called one night and asked you for help on a hunt.

“Just so you know, Dean is completely against this, but I think it’s up to you.” You heard Dean grumbling in the background. “We’ve got a vamp that seems to be looking for a mate, and he’s got a type. Every night, we’re finding another woman. He’s keeping them about 24 hours before he’s killing them, which is unusual. And we can’t find a nest, either. It seems to be just this one vamp. The problem is, he’s hitting one of three bars in town, and there’s only two of us.”

“So, what, you need me to do some surveillance or something?”

“Not exactly.” You heard Dean objecting in the background again. “You see, his type is a lot like, well, you.” The pieces clicked into place in your mind.  _Bait._

“Oh.”

“Yeah. We hate to ask you to do this, but we’ve lost two more women that they’ve found since we’ve been here, and he probably took another one tonight that we’ll find tomorrow, and we just can’t seem to get ahead of this guy. And as soon as we lined up the pictures of all of the vics, it was obvious, which is why Dean is against this. I just don’t know how many more women we can handle losing before we even get eyes on the guy.” Sam got quiet, and you clearly heard Dean almost ranting in the background about how much he hates this idea.

“I’ll do it. I know you’re not far away, so can you come pick me up tonight, and you can spend tomorrow getting me ready for whatever you’ve got in mind?”

“Sure. I’ll be there in an hour. Oh, and pack your highest heels, and that outfit you wore to the bar the night you hooked up with Cas.” You heard Sam clear his throat, and in the background Dean said, “Oh, hell, no! Not that skirt! She can wear jeans or something. If she wears that skirt, we’ll be chasing a whole different kind of leech all damn night!” Sam chuckled quietly into the phone and almost whispered so Dean can’t hear, “Pack the skirt. I’ll explain in the car.” You felt your cheeks get hot thinking of Dean and his reaction to your skirt.

“Gotcha. See you in an hour.”


	85. Chapter 85

During the drive to the motel, Sam explained how vampires mate for life, and that it’s probable that this vamp lost his mate recently, and is looking for a replacement who is similar. All the vics so far have been tall, really tall, with similar hair to yours. In fact, the shortest vic was 5’10”, and each woman had dressed for a fun night out in skirts, revealing tops, and ridiculous heels which put them well over 6 feet in height. Family members had all described the vics as having similar personalities, too. All the women were basically down to earth, not usually partiers, but looking for a fun night out. Out of the 5 women they had found, 3 had been doing some kind of bachelorette party or girls night with friends when they disappeared, and 4 of the 5 had small kids at home. In short, you were this vamp’s ideal catch.

When you got to the motel, Dean was pacing around the room. Your breath caught in your throat to see him in his Fed suit without the jacket. You could see his strong shoulders and arms outlined by the white shirt, and his hair looked like he had been running his hands through it all day. You stopped yourself from thinking too long about how good his ass looked in those pants. Hell, his ass looked good no matter what he was wearing, but the kicker was the tie that was still hanging loosely around his neck. You put your hands in your pockets just long enough to resist the temptation to grab him by the tie and kiss him.

“I would just like to say for the record, I don’t like this. This is not what I would call an ideal first hunt for any hunter, much less someone who isn’t all that excited about hunting. And having to act as bait for some leech,” he ran his hand through his hair and then down his face, “I just don’t like it.”

“Dean, you have trained me for what, over seven months? I know how to kick ass and take names, now. Besides, I won’t be alone, will I? I’ll have the famous Winchesters backing me up every step of the way.” Dean was still pacing and refused to look at you. You stood in front of him to stop his movement and put your hands on his chest. You looked him in the eye to make sure he was listening to you. “Besides, me Nephilim. Super strong, just like him.” You made a muscle with your bicep and smiled, hoping to get him to smile, too. “Me witchy. Can get out of ties that bind.” You twirled your finger and the tie that was loose around his neck twirled with it. “These are two things he’s not expecting. I can do this.” You put one hand back on his chest. The look on his face was pained, and you felt his heart pounding underneath your palm. You suddenly felt like you were too close to him as your heart started to match his, and you moved your hand off of his chest and looked down for a moment while you took a breath. You looked into his eyes again before you finished, “I’m a big girl, now. Okay?” Dean took a deep breath and shook his head.

“I guess I can’t argue when you put it like that. All right. But it’s late, so let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow, we do some training in whatever outfit you’re wearing, especially the shoes. Fighting can feel different in different shoes, and I can only imagine heels being a pain in the ass.”

“You got it. Whatever you want me to do to prepare, I’ll do it.” You gave him a little half salute, and he managed to scrounge up a half smile.

“All right, let’s hit the sack. Sam and I have already thrown down, and you’re bunking with me tonight. We get up early and get moving.”

You grabbed your stuff and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed, all the while wondering what it would be like to share a bed with a Winchester again.


	86. Chapter 86

_Dean_

He waited until her breathing was deep and even, and then waited some more before considering going to bed. The last time he’d shared a bed with her, it hadn’t been an issue for her to snuggle into his arms and just fall asleep. But that was a long time ago. Would she even want to touch him? Maybe she was mad about having to give up Cas for him? He and Sam had gone round and around about getting her a separate room, since this room didn’t even have a couch. They had finally decided that it would seem too strange to get a second room, so they’d just deal. It was the first time either one of them had dreaded sharing a bed with her, though. Dean looked at her sleeping form. What if she got close and his body just reacted like it always seemed to when she was too close? Just thinking about sleeping next to her was causing him to get uncomfortable, what would actually lying next to her do? And what if she felt it? Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  _Just think of ghouls… and dead puppies… and Sammy scratching Baby. There you go, Dean. You can do this._

Dean approached the bed, and tried to crawl in as quietly as possible, hoping not to disturb her. She was lying on her side, facing the empty side of the bed, one arm stretched out to his side of the bed. As he tried to get in without jostling the bed, he gently lifted her arm and moved it so he could lie down. Doing that seemed to rouse her a little, and he froze while she shifted. She stopped moving, and he breathed a sigh of relief before settling in to the bed, facing her. As soon as he was settled, he closed his eyes and willed himself to think of anything but how close Myka was to him.

His eyes flew open when she reached out for him and then moved until her whole body was pressed up against him, her face almost buried in his chest. She put one arm around his waist and then mumbled, “Hi, Cas.” Dean closed his eyes while his mind whirled and his heart clenched painfully. He finally put a hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear.

“It’s not Cas. It’s Dean.” He looked down at her face, and was surprised when he saw her smile.

“Dean? Oh, good. I missed you.” He could just barely understand her sleep talk. “Love you, Dean.” She snuggled into his chest even closer.  _What did she just say?_  Dean’s mind raced.  _Did she just say she loves me?_ Dean rubbed her back while his heart pounded.

“Myka? What did you just say, honey?” Dean spoke quietly in her ear, and got a moan from her in return before she answered.

“Love you. Not Cas. Love Dean. And Sam.” Her brow furrowed. “Love you both. Don’t want to lose you.” Dean couldn’t stop himself. He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead and kissed it. He would think about what she said about Sam tomorrow, but for tonight, all he could hear was that she loved him.

“Oh, baby, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.” Dean rubbed her back and pulled her closer to him. “I love you, too, Myka. So does Sam.” He planted light kisses on her forehead. Myka moved her head upwards and kissed his neck, then settled back into his chest. Her breathing evened out again quickly, and he knew she was never really awake. It didn’t matter, though. He’d heard enough. She loved him. She loved Sam, too, which just made this whole thing even weirder, but he didn’t care. She loved him. He finally dozed off, grinning from ear to ear.


	87. Chapter 87

_Myka_

You went to bed alone, with Dean watching TV sitting at the table, and woke up alone, with Sam in the shower and Dean out to get breakfast. When Sam came out of the bathroom, you headed in, trying very hard not to let your eyes linger on his sculpted abs or your mind think too long about what you already knew was under that towel. When you were showered, you put on the workout clothes you had brought, and ate breakfast with the brothers. Dean kept giving you strange looks that you couldn’t decipher all through breakfast, to the point that you made an excuse to go into the bathroom and make sure you didn’t have something caught in your teeth. After breakfast, Sam outlined the plan for the night. Dean would cover the outside of the bar, Sam would cover the inside, keeping an eye on you and anyone who showed you any interest. The thinking was that you and Sam would both be heads above the crowd, so he’d be able to track you easily. As soon as Sam saw something, he’d signal Dean outside, and they’d take down the vamp when he tried to leave with you. The other women were all taken when they separated themselves from their group for some reason, whether it was bathroom trip or to get another drink. Since you would be there alone, the thinking was you would be considered an easy target with no one to miss you.

Once the plan was settled, you strapped on the chunky wedge heels with the ankle straps that were the tallest heels you owned. They added at least an extra four inches to your height, putting you slightly closer to Sam’s height than Dean’s. After you stood up, Dean looked up at you with his eyes wide.

“Damn! I don’t know how I should feel about this, intimidated or turned on or both?” Thoughts of aggressively grabbing his face and kissing him like the dom women you saw on TV flashed through your mind and made your face hot. You decided to take the safe route.

“Hopefully, he’ll be turned on, since that’s what we’re going for, right?” Sam and Dean both nodded in agreement. “All right, let’s get some practice in.”

Sam took the lead in the beginning, so you could get used to the heels and being attacked by someone taller, and then Dean jumped in so you could feel the difference if he’s shorter. After a couple of hours, your feet were already aching, and you were already hoping you wouldn’t have to put too much of what you were learning to the test. You took off the shoes, and changed into the skirt so you could determine how restricted your movements would be compared to wearing pants. Much to Dean’s chagrin, you decided to shorten the skirt by a couple of inches to give you extra room for kicking, if you needed to. You spent the rest of the afternoon trying to find ways to hide weapons in such a skimpy outfit. Dean walked you through using your purse and its strap against an attacker, and Sam tried to find a way to hide a small knife in your belt. While Sam was messing with your belt, you asked Dean to tie you up to a chair so you could practice getting yourself untied. Dean gave you a flirty look and made a quip about not being asked to do stuff like that until at least the fourth date. You laughed, and hoped your face didn’t look as red as it felt. You noticed the extreme bitch face Sam threw at Dean, but didn’t have time to consider it, since Dean already had you tied to the chair. By the time evening came around, even Dean had to admit that you were ready.

When you emerged from the bathroom, all dressed and ready to go, hair styled similarly to the other victims, both brothers took a deep breath and sighed before leading you out the door. You heard Dean mumble something about the wrong kind of leeches again and you smiled. When you got to the bar they picked for the night, they went over again what was going to happen, and the possibility that it might not even happen tonight since he’d been picking them from different bars. You all got out of the car, and Dean grabbed you and hugged you, kissing you on the cheek and telling you to be careful. He held you a second longer than you expected, making butterflies flutter in your stomach, and then Sam took your hand and led you inside. Once you were inside the door, Sam put an arm around your waist to bring you close enough to whisper in your ear. He pointed out where he would be standing, told you he’d be watching, then gave you a kiss on the forehead and let you go. You tried hard not to focus on how the contact with the brothers made your stomach flip flop, and headed into the bar.

You spent the next hour mingling at the bar, trying not to look at Sam so much that you appeared unavailable. You finally found a group of women having a girls’ night, dancing to the music, and you struck up a conversation. You ended up joining their little group, laughing and dancing, and you almost forgot why you were there. Just when you were starting to wonder if you could somehow keep these new friends, you felt a pinch in your shoulder. The room started to sway with you, and you quickly collapsed into darkness.


	88. Chapter 88

When you started to wake up, you heard voices around you, and you felt that your arms were pulled behind you. You shifted a little, and felt the bite of handcuffs. You opened your eyes and tried to focus, struggling against the handcuffs, and you realized you were handcuffed to the chair you were sitting in. As you tried to clear your eyes, one voice clarified from right next to you.

“Oh, good. She’s awake. Hello, darling. Did you miss me? I missed you.” You sat up straight, staring into the smug face of Crowley. “I’d apologize for the handcuffs, but I’ve been dying to see them on you since the day we met.” Crowley’s eyes roved up and down your form, settling for a moment too long on your chest. “Beautiful, just as I suspected,” he said loudly, looking over his shoulder as he did. “Don’t you agree, boys?” He turned around and walked away from you, giving you a chance to look around you.

It looked like you were in some kind of large room, and your eyes traveled around, just to settle on the worried faces of the Winchesters. Both brothers were also tied to chairs, bruises on their faces and blood on their clothes. You made a strangled noise in your throat to see them injured. As you kept struggling against the handcuffs, you saw the worry on their faces turn to anger as both men turned their heads toward Crowley. Crowley started pacing the room as he spoke.

“Just in case you’re wondering why you’re here, Micheala, I wanted you to see what a mistake you made when you chose these… cowboys… over someone with real class… refinement… power. You could have had so much, if only you had made the right choice. But no. Instead, you chose these boys. Well, your boys have been poking my boys, and not in the fun, sexy way, and I’ve about… had… ENOUGH!” Crowley pulled out an angel blade and sliced into each Winchester’s arm, causing them, and you, to cry out. Crowley chuckled and spun the blade in his hand as he walked away. Tears sprung to your eyes, watching Sam and Dean wince in pain. Your tears turned to anger quickly, though, and you started to concentrate on the handcuffs restraining your arms. You wished you had thought to work with handcuffs before. You had found at least three ways to use your limited powers to get out of rope, but you hadn’t spent any time considering handcuffs. You tried to visualize what might be inside the locks of the cuffs, while trying to keep a properly terrified expression on your face, even though all you felt inside was cold anger.

“You know, Micheala, I was so, unsettled, by your choice of these flannel-wearing morons, that I actually started to wonder if maybe there wasn’t something else involved.” Crowley sat down in a chair opposite you, spinning the bloody angel blade in his hand coolly. You could think of a dozen witty retorts, but chose to keep quiet and hope Crowley took your silence for fear.

“Maybe she’s just smart enough to not want to spend all of eternity with a freaking douche, Crowley!” Dean growled and struggled against the ropes that bound him, wincing at the pain from the new gash in his arm. Crowley ignored him and continued.

“So, I did some digging. Turns out, your affection for these animals wasn’t entirely by chance, after all.” Your eyes got wide, and you noticed the surprise on the Winchesters’ faces, too. “It seems someone upstairs screwed the pooch, though, during the execution.” Crowley stood up and crossed over to the bound men again. “You were meant for one,” he slashed at Dean’s chest, “or the other,” a matching slash at Sam’s chest, “but not both.” You saw blood well up through the gashes in their shirts, and worked harder to unlock the handcuffs, finally being rewarded by a quiet click near your right wrist. You let the cuff fall from your wrist, but kept your hands behind your back.

“What are you talking about, Crowley? You’re not making any sense.” You hoped to distract Crowley from hurting the brothers any more. “Apparently, I’m the prize in the bottom of the Cracker Jack box, you’ve said so yourself. I mean, hell, even you want little old me.” You realized you weren’t making much sense, but all you could do was hope to get Crowley’s attention off the men and onto you. “Are you just jealous? You still want me for yourself, even though I’m powerless, so you punish them? Well, fine. You’ve got me, now, let them go. The more you hurt them, the less likely I am to come with you quietly.”

“Oh, but I don’t want you, anymore. You’d make a nice centerpiece, but without your powers, there’s not much to you, is there? You’re just… _human_.” Crowley snarled, looking like he smelled something bad, and started to walk towards you. “I can make a hundred demons with more evident charms than you have. Oh, no, this isn’t about you and me, anymore. No, this is about the Winchesters. I try to be helpful. I try to live with them peacefully, but at every turn, they’re taking apart everything I build. Well, I’ve had enough! And now, it’s time for them to pay. It’s time for them to watch the great love of their lives suffer for their crimes.” You couldn’t stop your face from registering confusion. “Oh, you didn’t know? Yes, they’ve both got it bad for you, darling. See, that’s what I meant when I said someone upstairs screwed the pooch. You are the prize in a Cracker Jack box, but only one brother was supposed to claim you.” You looked over at the brothers and saw all of the conflicting emotions on their faces. It was true. They felt about you how you felt about them. Crowley was now standing in front of you, twirling the blade. “Ah, yes. Eureka, I think she’s got it. You three are a match made in Heaven, quite literally. And now they get to watch you suffer.”

Crowley bent down over you, making sure the Winchesters could see everything he did to you. You waited quietly, hoping for the perfect moment to strike, hoping he would step into the position you wanted him in. Crowley took the blade and ran it up the inside of your thigh from your knee to the hem of your skirt, lifting your skirt just an inch. Both Sam and Dean barked Crowley’s name and yelled at him to leave you alone. You tried to keep your terrified face on for Crowley’s benefit, all the while waiting patiently for him to shift just a little to his left. Crowley moved the blade up to your blouse, and looked over at the Winchesters while he popped off the top button with the blade. In that moment of inattention, you brought your left hand around to grab the blade from him, then swung your right hand around and landed a punch in the middle of his face.

Crowley flew across the room, hitting the wall and sliding down, landing on the floor with a thud. You got up from the chair, and walked across the room, unlocking the handcuff on your left wrist and tucking the cuffs and the blade into your belt. When you got to Crowley, you knew your eyes were blazing blue because of the confusion and fear on his face was clear. You grabbed him by the collar with your left hand, hauled him onto his feet, and hit him again, just the way Cas, Sam, and Dean had always shown you. His head knocked against the wall behind him and he tried to grab a hold of you for support. You dragged him over to the nearest chair and threw him into it. You pulled the blade out of your belt, put your right foot on the seat of the chair between his legs, and leveled the blade at his throat.

“You need to get something straight, Crowley. You’re alive only because you’ve been useful. The minute you stop being useful, you die.” Crowley looked from the tip of the blade to your shoe sitting so close to his crotch and back up to your face.

“Powers.” He said, weakly.

“Cas wasn’t able to remove everything. He left just enough so that when you came round again I’d still be able to kick your ass from here to next Tuesday.” You pulled the cuffs out of your belt, and ran your fingers around the metal circles, leaving sigils in their wake. You had studied the demonic handcuffs in the dungeon, wondering at their power, and you were pleased to note that you could imprint the sigils you remembered into the metal. You slapped one cuff on Crowley, then went behind his back to handcuff him to the chair as he had done to you. When you were sure he was secure, you went over to the brothers and untied them, checking to make sure they were okay. You tried to avoid their eyes and looking too long at their injuries because you knew you weren’t done, yet, and couldn’t afford to be distracted. The brothers gathered their weapons while you headed back to guard Crowley.

“So, boys, what do you want to do with the King of Hell today? We can use him as a bargaining chip for the guards that I’m sure are outside, or we can just truss him up and leave him here for them to find.” Dean walked over to Crowley and punched him in the face.

“Remember what she said, dickwad. Useful. Or next time we won’t be so kind to you.” Dean punched Crowley again, and Sam pulled on Dean to stop him from doing more. “Let’s just leave him. See how long it takes for him to figure out how to free himself,” Dean snarled. The three of you walked to the door, and after a scuffle with the guards outside, where Sam took down two demons and you and Dean took out the other two, you left.

Dean hot-wired one of the cars nearby and drove you all back to the bar, where Baby was still parked. The drive back to the motel was quiet, everything seemed out of focus, and you felt the adrenaline start to wear off. By the time the car was parked and it was time to get out, your hands were shaking and you could barely stand. Sam helped you out of the car, and when your knees gave out, he picked you up and carried you into the room, with Dean holding the door open and clearing a space on the bed. Sam put you down on the bed and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and three glasses, pouring one for each of you. You took the glass in both hands and took a long drink, almost emptying the glass. One more swallow and the glass was empty, so you set it down and took a deep breath. Both men had also emptied their glasses and were starting to carefully remove layers so they could tend to their wounds.

Your focus on the world suddenly cleared, and all you could see was blood and bruises covering the two men you love. Sam’s left eye was starting to swell shut, and he was having trouble taking off his t-shirt because of the gash on his arm. Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you silently sent up a panicked prayer.  _Cas, the boys are hurt, and it’s all my fault, and I don’t know what to do._ Dean’s phone rang, and he picked it up.

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean looked at you. “No, we’re basically fine. Just some cuts and scrapes. Might need stiches. She’s okay, just shaken up. I don’t think she’s ever seen us this banged up before.” Sam looked from Dean to you and back again. Dean paused and listened to the voice on the phone. “Oh, okay, sure.” Dean gave Cas the motel information and hung up. “It’s not fair how you can just do that in your head, you know, sweetheart?” He smiled at you to try to get you to smile, but all you could see were the bruises and cuts on his face, arm, and chest. You reached out and almost touched the gash on his chest, but recoiled with a choked sob. “This is nothing, Princess. Crowley’s done a lot worse to us in the past, and we’re okay.” He crooked a finger under your chin so you would look him in the eyes, but tears kept silently falling down your cheeks.

With the usual flutter, Cas arrived, and in less than a minute, both men were healed and cleaned up. They got changed into clean clothes while Cas sat down next to you. He cupped your face in his hands, and looked into your eyes, then searched your face. You knew he was looking into your thoughts, and you were okay with it, since you could barely make sense of everything. You threw what felt like a jumbled mess of impressions at him and watched his facial expression change. After a moment, he smiled, and turned your face to the Winchesters.

“They’re fine, now. See?” You looked at both men, cleaned up, bruises and blood gone, and nodded, quiet tears still leaking from your eyes. You looked back at Cas, and he kept smiling. “You beat Crowley. You killed a lesser demon. You protected yourself and the men you love.” He looked at the Winchesters and back at you. You nodded. “You’re okay, Myka. Everything’s okay.” He pulled you into a hug, and you finally felt the tension break. More tears fell, but they were tears of relief. You took deep breaths and finally you were able to speak. You pulled away from Cas, stood up, and walked over to the brothers. You couldn’t quite bring yourself to look them in the eye, but you put a hand on each of their chests, where the bloody gashes used to be.

“You guys are okay?” They both nodded, and you took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Then so am I.” You gave them an unsteady smile, and suddenly you were in the middle of a Winchester hug sandwich. After a long moment, you broke apart, and you made an excuse about getting changed. You grabbed a change of clothes and headed into the bathroom to think in private for a moment.

Crowley said they love you. You were meant for one of them. What did that mean? You felt your heart flutter and warned yourself not to get too excited.

Once you were changed, you felt much better, and left the bathroom with a smile. The Winchesters were sitting at the table across from Cas, deep in conversation. Sam and Dean looked confused.

“Cas, tell Myka what you just told us. This doesn’t make any sense,” Sam said.

“Dean, after we had our talk a few weeks ago, I had a suspicion that something was up. Like you said, it’s a highly unusual situation for you and your brother to be in, so I wondered if something may have interfered.” You took a seat on the bed nearest the table, sitting in between the brothers.

“Unusual situation? Interfered? What are you guys talking about?” You looked at both brothers, and their faces both got pink. Dean finally cleared his throat and spoke up.

“Sammy and I have shared a lot in our lives, but we have never, ever been interested in the same woman before. First meeting, maybe, but it doesn’t take long before she’s obviously, well, more suited for one or the other of us.” Dean looked down and cleared his throat again. “Until you.”

Your eyes got big, and you sat back a little. “Me?” You looked back and forth between the two brothers. “So Crowley wasn’t lying? You both, have… feelings… for me?” Both men nodded, a kind of nervous relief on both of their faces, but Sam spoke up first, grabbing one of your hands as he spoke.

“Almost since the day we met. It took a while for us to admit it to ourselves, and then longer to admit it to each other, and then we just didn’t know what to do with it. Like Dean said, we’ve shared pretty much everything in our lives, but this is a first. So, we kept quiet.”

“Which wasn’t easy,” Dean interjected, “especially when you wear that skirt.” You saw a twinkle in Dean’s eye, and he gave you a flirty smile. Sam gave Dean his best bitch face and you smiled and blushed at both of them.

“And then you got together with Cas, so we figured you didn’t feel the same way, so we just tried to forget about it.” Sam frowned and looked down at his hands, let go of yours, then ran one through his hair. You looked at Cas, not sure what you wanted to say. Cas sensed your hesitation and spoke up.

“But she only got together with me because she thought the two of you weren’t interested.” You felt your face get hot as both brothers looked at Cas with widened eyes. By the time they both turned to look at you, you were hiding your head in your hands, knowing what your angel was about to say next. “I believe her exact words were, ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.’” You groaned and tried to crawl farther away on the bed, still hiding your face in your hands.

“Cas! That might be a little too much information!” When you didn’t hear anything, you peeked out from between your fingers. Both Sam and Dean looked uncomfortable, trading glances with each other in between passing glances at you. You finally decided to confess. “Well, the skirt didn’t seem to work! Sam, you went home to do research, and Dean, you went home with some bar bimbo. What was I supposed to think??” Sam glared at Dean, and Dean looked sheepish, running a hand over his face.

“Oh, baby, let me tell you, the skirt worked.” Dean kept looking down, unable to make eye contact with you. “The whole outfit worked.” He got an appreciative smile on his face, and then shook his head. “But Sammy and I had decided that the only fair way to work out whatever was going on was to wait for you to choose. We agreed that neither one of us would make a move, unless you made a move, first. And whoever you chose, the other one would move on, no hard feelings.” Both men looked up at you. You could feel the love and the hope and the fear coming from both of them.

“I couldn’t choose! Just when I’d think maybe I could, the other one of you would do something or say something or something would happen and I was stuck on the fence again. I decided whichever one of you made the first move, I’d just get over the other one, somehow.” You looked at both of them, helpless, while they looked back at you, eyebrows raised. Sam finally nodded and sighed.

“And thus, the great stare-off in the bunker begins. Everybody wanting everybody else, and Cas gets the girl because he’s the only one with the guts to kiss her.” Sam chuckled and Dean glared at Sam.

“So, Cas, what were you saying about doing some investigating?” You really hoped to get away from the subject of you and Cas.

“After my talk with Dean, where he expressed the feelings that both he and Sam have, and the disbelief that both of them would ever fall for the same woman, I did some investigating. I suspected that maybe something wasn’t right. I talked with some Cupids, and finally found a rookie who admitted to having caused the problem.” Sam and Dean both looked alarmed.

“A Cupid?” Dean asks. “Why would a Cupid get involved with us?”

“A rookie? How is there a rookie anything in Heaven?” Sam questioned.

Cas looked at Sam. “Angel ranks have been thinning in recent years from all of the battles fought over Heaven, so some angels have been working to find ways to refill our ranks. Demons are made from damned souls, so the thought has been that perhaps angels can be made from blessed souls. Cupids have been the first rank that have attempted this, since the outcome of a mistake is usually not that big a deal. A Cupid causes an initial attraction, but that doesn’t mean that the couple will last. It’s just a nudge in the right direction. Free will takes precedence.” Cas looked at Dean. “A Cupid got involved with you because he thought it was his job. It was his second assignment. It wasn’t until he’d gotten to about his tenth assignment that realized that yours had come from outside the normal chain of command.”

“Outside the normal chain of command?” Sam questioned. “Who is at the top of that chain, deciding who gets attracted to whom, and why? I thought Fate was pretty much screwed after we killed the Apocalypse a few times.” Cas nodded.

“Fate’s job has been severely downsized now that there is no bigger plan at work, but apparently, she still has smaller plans to help with the fight of good over evil. She still needs to make sure that the balance of power remains equal, or a different kind of apocalypse will happen. But it wasn’t Fate who sent the assignment to the Cupid. In fact, she would never do something that nice for you, two. She hates you both, and would rather see you dead than happy, if you remember.” Dean swallowed audibly and nodded.

“Yeah.” Dean looked at you sheepishly, but with a smirk. “She’s really mad at us for ruining her apocalypse.” The look on his face made you laugh. Cas continued.

“No, the assignment didn’t come from regular channels. In fact, by the time the Cupid got it, he didn’t get the whole assignment. He said the orders were mangled. All he got were names. Myka’s, and Winchesters. Being new, he didn’t realize that a trio is so unusual, and so he just worked around the problem. The result being that Myka loves both of you and both of you love her.” Sam looked confused.

“But you said that a Cupid only creates the initial attraction. If that’s all this was, it should have worn off of one of us by now. I mean, it’s been months. We’re  _in love_. We’re more than family, even. We’re not just talking a high school crush anymore. This is different.” Cas got an odd look on his face that you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Well, there is a little more to it than that. First, the Cupid’s workaround involved doing more than just his usual one shot and done. Because you were such a complicated case, he checked up on you. When you didn’t appear to be feeling the effects, he tried again. Add that to his unusual method for creating this triangle, and that explains at least part of why your feelings are so strong.” Cas paused and Sam sat back, while you and Dean just looked back and forth at the two of them.

“Only part? What else is going on here, Cas? Who gave the assignment in the first place?” Cas looked uncomfortable, but continued.

“I spent the better part of the past couple of weeks tracking down where the order came from, which wasn’t easy. It tracked back to someone I never thought we’d hear from again.” Dean’s face turned stony and suspicious.

“Who, Cas? Spit it out!” Dean barked.

“Joshua.” Cas almost smiled while you watched Sam’s and Dean’s jaws drop. You looked from one to the other to the other and back again.

“Guys? Newbie here? Who’s Joshua?” You watched the brothers’ faces, waiting for an explanation. Finally, Sam spoke.

“As far as we know, he’s the only angel that’s had any contact with God in centuries.”

“God? Like God, God?” You stared at Sam and he nodded. Dean looked suspicious.

“Why would God, or Joshua, even, have any interest in our love lives?” Dean almost looked afraid of the answer Cas might give.

“I was able to have a short talk with Joshua. He apologized for the Cupid’s assignment getting mangled. The order was only for Myka to be matched with  _a_  Winchester, not with both.” Cas paused for a moment before continuing.

“After you two diverted the Apocalypse, you remember that God brought me and Bobby back. Well, apparently, that wasn’t all that he did. He decided that he wanted to give you boys something good. Something that couldn’t be spoiled or taken away. Joshua hinted that Myka is God’s way of thanking you for saving His Creation. I believe that God bent time a bit, and went back and created someone that you both could love. Someone who would fill in the holes in your lives, both as hunters and as men. Someone you wouldn’t have to give up anything for, because she could be right with you.” Cas looked at you and smiled. “He did a perfect job, too. You share interests with Sam in the library and spend time cooking with Dean. You can fight beside them if you need to, but the love in your heart balances out the violence they see every day. You’re a mix of dark and light, strength and vulnerability, intelligence, passion, and compassion. Your name is even a derivative of Michael, which means ‘who is like God.’” You felt your face get hot as all three men were studying you. “Joshua also hinted about a child, but refused to say more.” Your eyes flew to the angel’s face.

“A child?? Cas, aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves a little bit?” You started to feel a sudden note of panic. The angel put a hand up to stop you from going further.

“Definitely. And he wouldn’t give details. Just telling you what was said.” Cas paused a moment. “And now, I’m being called away, so I must leave. I imagine you three have a lot to work out.” With a flutter, he was gone.


	89. Chapter 89

The three of you looked back and forth at each other for a long minute. Finally, Dean stood up and grabbed his coat.

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but kicking Crowley’s ass always makes me hungry. I’m going to go search for someplace that’s still open and get us some food.” Dean walked over to you, leaned over you, took your chin in his hand, and gave you a gentle kiss. You felt your entire body thrill at the feel of his lips on yours. As he pulled away, he smiled at you and whispered, “Been waiting to do that.” You wanted more, but you thought you knew what he was doing, so you let him go. He stood back up, grabbed his keys, patted Sam on the shoulder, and as he walked out the door, he called back, “be back in about an hour or so!”

You looked at Sam, and Sam looked at you, and you looked away, blushing.

“Boy, it’s not your typical romance, is it, where you’re dating for a while and…” That’s all you got out before Sam moved over to the bed, took your face in his hands and kissed you. The kiss started out gentle, but soon his arms were around you and his tongue was searching your mouth. You ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to you. He finally slowed down and backed up enough to just rest his forehead on yours.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first night we met. I was in my bed, you were in yours, and when I moved over to you and wrapped my arms around you and you settled into me, I just wanted to kiss you awake. Every night we shared a bed after that, I’d have these dreams of you that were so beautiful it was almost painful, and I’d wake up half crazy for you.” You smiled, remembering the second time you woke up wrapped in Sam’s arms. “I thought I was nuts, feeling all of these things for someone I’d just met.” Sam moved to lie down on the bed next to you, and you fell into the crook of his arm, resting your head on his chest.

“I was so confused. Every morning, I’d wake up with you or your brother, and my life was in danger, but I was way more worried that I’d give away the fact that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you when you came out of the shower. I just thought it was just a physical attraction until we got back to the bunker and the two of you left on your first hunt. I’d be wandering around the bunker, hoping you were there and I had just missed the sound of the door. If you want to know how the library got put together so fast, it was my only way of distracting myself from missing you two.” Sam studied your face, expressions of love and pain alternating on his.

“When I saw you drop in the middle of the dance floor at the bar tonight, I felt like someone sucker punched me. I called Dean, and we both went nuts. That’s when the demons got the drop on us. We were expecting one vampire, not four demons. We fought, but we were outnumbered. They made sure we could see everything they did to you, but we were never close enough to touch you. We felt so helpless, only being able to watch as they handcuffed you to that chair.” You put a finger over his mouth to stop him from talking, and he pulled your head to him and kissed him. He pulled away with a smile. “But damn, watching you beat the crap out of Crowley was hot.” You blushed and he chuckled. “Seriously! Working out with you has been really difficult, because you are sexy as hell when you’re fighting.” He kissed you again, groaning when he felt your fingers pressing into his skin.

Sam moved so he was leaning over you, supporting his weight on his elbow, and he pushed one knee in between your legs and put one hand on your hip. He looked down at you and smiled for just a moment, and just from that smile, you felt the butterflies in your stomach and a heat building up between your thighs. Then, his mouth was on yours again, and his hand was traveling up and down your side, cupping your butt, then moving up to cup your breast. He moaned into your mouth when he felt your body respond to him, and he moved his mouth down your jaw to your neck. In between open mouthed kisses on your skin, he groaned, “I’ve dreamed of doing this for so long.” His mouth moved down to your collarbone, and then back up your neck on the other side. “I’d see you in the library, reaching up for something, or bending down for something, or just sitting there, and I’d just want to push whatever was in front of you out of the way and kiss you.” His mouth was now back on yours, and his hand was at the hem of your tank top, reaching underneath the fabric, the warmth from his hand heating your skin as it moved back up to your breast. Your hands were on his back, underneath his shirt, nails digging into his skin, your leg wrapped around his, while his knee was pressing against the junction of your thighs. As his knee pressed into your core, his hand uncovered your breast, and he moved his mouth down to your nipple, licking and sucking until it hardened and you couldn’t stifle your moans any longer. You moved both hands to his head, and tried to pull his head back up to yours. He finally let go of you with his mouth, but his knee was still giving you glorious friction between your legs, and his hand kept kneading. He looked up at you through his hair, and you looked down at him, and his lust-filled gaze was almost enough to take you over the edge.

“Are you sure you want to do this? Here? Now? Dean coming back soon?” Sam kissed you again, your tongues dancing with each other, and he moved his groin against your hip so you felt how ready he was.

“I’m not entirely sure I can stop, and I’m reasonably sure this is going to be quick, because I don’t think I can last much longer after dreaming about you for so many months.” He moved his mouth to your earlobe, and caught it in his teeth, then went back to gently sucking down your neck. His hand moved down your stomach and underneath the waistband of your pants, and he started running his hands along the insides of your thighs, just ghosting past your already soaked panties. He finally slid his hand into your panties, and you felt his fingers slip between your folds.

Sam groaned into your ear, “You are so ready.” He slowly started circling your clit with his fingers, and your hips began to buck. You moved your hands from under his shirt down to his waist, and then into the back of his jeans, where you kneaded the muscles there. His hips almost jerked against you and he moaned loudly. He slowly pushed one finger inside of you, and then two, still teasing your clit with his thumb. You pulled your hands out of the back of his jeans, and reached for his buckle. He had your nipple in his mouth again, and was causing shocks of desire to shoot to your groin. You got his belt open, popped the button on his jeans, and reached inside his boxers to feel his hard length against your hand.

“Oh, Myka, at the rate you’re going, I’m going to come in my pants like a teenager,” Sam groaned.

“Oh, Sam, I could say the same about you.” You started to pump your hand around his cock, feeling the sensitive tip already wet. His fingers started to match the rhythm of your hand, and it didn’t take long for you both to come apart in each other’s hands. You both collapsed, panting, on the bed. After you started to get your breath back, you laughed.

“I haven’t done that since I was in high school!” You rolled over and gave Sam a lingering kiss. You looked him in the eyes, and smiled when he looked back at you, smiling. “I know we spent an hour or whatever talking about it in the abstract with Cas, but I really do love you, you know. I know it’s weird, with how it’s happening, and everything, but it’s true. Just because I have the same feelings for your brother doesn’t diminish my feelings for you.” Sam gave you a kiss back.

“I love you, too. And it’s nice to hear you say that. This is weird, and wonderful, but really weird, and I may need you to say that again every now and then.” Sam kissed you passionately, searching your mouth with his tongue, only stopping when he pulled a moan from you. “And although this was nice, I definitely have plans for taking my time the next time we’re alone.” He groaned, and then looked down at himself and you and smiles. “We might want to get cleaned up before Dean gets back with the food.”

The two of you got cleaned up, and you were lying on the bed watching TV when Dean got back. When the door opened, you put the food in his hands on the table, and turned back to him and gave him a kiss. It was just a quiet kiss, but he put his arms around your waist, and you put your arms around his neck. When your lips parted, you looked up at him and whispered, “Thanks.” He nodded without smiling, and gave you another quick kiss before letting you go. After you all ate, while Sam was cleaning up the trash, you hugged Dean from behind while he was sitting at the table, and whispered in his ear.

“I would really like to spend some time alone with you. Wanna go somewhere or get another room or something?” Dean smiled and grabbed his coat. You indicated you’d meet him outside, and when he was gone you gave Sam a kiss.

“I need to have some alone time with Dean to talk and work things out with him. If we’re not back in a couple of hours, it just means we got another room, and we’ll be back for breakfast. Are you okay with that?” Sam cupped your face in his hands, and you saw a moment of insecurity cross his face before he gave you a quick kiss and let you go with a swat on your ass.

“As long as you come back to me, I’ll live. Go. See you in the morning, if not before.” You grabbed your coat and headed outside to see Dean leaning against Baby. He grinned at you and opened the door for you to get in.

Even though the drive wasn’t long, you spent the whole of it just studying Dean and smiling. Every now and then, he looked over at you and smiled, too. After about the third time, he laughed.

“What, is there something on my face? What?” You laughed.

“No. I just can’t get over you, that’s all. If what you feel for me is anything like what I feel for you, and what Sam and I feel for each other, then I’m just in awe of you, that’s all.” Dean looked confused, but was still smiling, and shook his head. “You gave Sam first chance.” Dean looked at you questioningly. “In this weirdo triangle we’re in, some men would have seen only a competition between himself and his brother, and would have fought to the death for the right to the first hour alone with the woman. But you, you just gave it to your brother. Knowing how he’d want to spend it, with the woman you also care about, you walked away and bought pizza.” Dean didn’t say anything, but his face spoke volumes. He pulled the car into an empty field and turned it off. You slid over next to him and gave him a gentle kiss. “It’s things like that that make me love you.” Dean looked down at you with the most loving expression you’d ever seen on his face.

“I have a confession to make,” he said, looking down shyly before meeting your eyes again. “Two things: I was okay with giving Sam the first hour as long as I got the first kiss,” he kissed you gently before continuing, “and it was easier because I’d already had some time to process that you loved me.” You looked at Dean quizzically. “Sam found out you loved him from Crowley, or when we had that talk or whatever with Cas. I knew last night.”

“What the heck are you talking about, Winchester?” You pulled away for a moment to look at him.

“Last night, Sam passed out, you passed out, and I stayed up for a while, because it was the first time we’d slept in the same bed in months, and I wasn’t sure what to do if you were awake. Cuddle, not cuddle, you know. So, I just waited until you went to sleep. And when I finally crawled in, you started talking to me. At first you thought I was Cas, but when I said it was me, you said, ‘Oh, good,’ and you just snuggled into my chest like you belonged there. Once you got settled, you started talking again. You told me you loved me, you told me you loved Sam, you told me Cas didn’t mean anything, and you didn’t want to lose me.” Dean looked down and smiled then looked back up at you. “Best moment I’ve had in a long time.” You gave Dean another quick kiss. “So, yeah. I’d had time to process, figure out how I felt about what you said and what I was willing to live with and do about it. Sam got it dumped on him in front of his brother by freaking Crowley. Dude needed a break.” The two of you chuckled. “Besides, if this is going to work, I have to be okay with the fact that you’re going to be spending alone time with my brother the same way you’ll spend alone time with me. Might as well just accept it.” You looked at Dean, who was fiddling with the hem of his jacket. You put a hand on his face, and he leaned into it, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at you.

“Can you accept it? There are not a lot of guys in the world who could just accept this situation. Up to a couple of hours ago, I would have counted you as one of them.” Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“It’s not ideal, but I’ll survive. I mean, it’s Sammy. If it were anyone else, there’d be no way, but he’s my brother. And as long as I don’t have to watch the two of you, you know, then I think I’ll be fine. There’s only so much I think I can handle.” He made a face and you laughed.

“So, Winchester, where have you brought me?” You smiled and you both got out of the car. He dug around in the trunk and found a blanket, and spread it out on the ground. It was a clear night, and warm, and still too early in the summer for bugs. You both lay down on the blanket and looked up at the stars. He told you about nights that he and Sam would star gaze after hunts, and you told him how different the sky looks from different places around the world. As he listened to you, he turned onto his side so he could watch your face as you talked of faraway places. When you paused, he leaned over you, brushed a hair out of your face, and kissed you gently. When he broke the kiss, he brushed your nose with his, and then left a trail of little kisses across your cheek while he whispered into your ear.

“I never thought I’d say this, but damn, I love you.” He buried his face in your neck and moaned. “I tried not to, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew I was in trouble when I saw you explode in that warehouse, and instead of being scared, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” He pulled his head from your shoulder so he could look at your face again. “There was thunder and lightning and rain, and you looked like you were on fire, and I was shaking in my shoes, but it wasn’t because I was afraid of what you were doing. I was afraid I’d never get to hold you, which made no sense. I should have been running the other way, but all I wanted to do was hold you and keep you safe.” You looked up into his face, ruffled his short hair, and then pulled him down to you for a long kiss.

“I love you, too, Dean. You know when I knew I was in trouble?” Dean smiled and laughed, shaking his head. “At Missouri’s house, with the first bite of that pie. That was when I knew that there was nothing I’d rather do than bake pies for you, as long as you always look like that when you take a bite.” Dean threw his head back and laughed.

“Pie? Seriously?” He shook his head.

“Hey, the women in my family take our pie very seriously.” You gave him a very solemn nod and he laughed again. “But the very first time I thought I could love you was before that. Outside the tattoo parlor. That hug. I wanted that hug to last forever.”

Dean leaned down and kissed you gently, but the kiss slowly got more demanding, and soon your tongues were dancing and his hand was on your breast, kneading it through your tank top. He moved over top of you, knees between your legs, the growing bulge in his jeans pressed against your groin, making you moan his name. He backed away from you to sit up, and you sat up with him, pushing at his jacket and t-shirt to get them off. While he got rid of his shirt, you pulled off your jacket and tank top, leaving you both naked from the waist up. He groaned, and pushed you back down onto your back, dragging his mouth from your neck down to your breast. He kneaded one while mouthing the other until your back arched toward him and you whimpered his name. He pulled away from you, tugging your sweatpants and your panties over your hips while you kicked off your shoes. You sat up, and ran your hands over his chest and down to his belt, undoing the buckle, and popping open the button on his jeans. He moved away from your hands to the side for a moment, kicking off his shoes and pulling off his pants and boxers. Both naked, he turned back to you and kneeled between your legs again, kissing you as he pushed you back down on your back.

“Oh, sweetheart, there’s so many things I want to do to you, but I don’t think I have the patience tonight.” He ran one finger down your torso and between your thighs, cupping and rubbing you gently while his mouth worshipped your nipple. You moved your hips into his hand and reached to feel him, but he pushed your hand away. “Not this time, I’ve been waiting too long for this, and I want this to be good for both of us.” His fingers slipped between your folds, and he groaned. “Oh, honey, you are not making this easy on me.” He dragged his mouth down your body to the apex of your thighs, kissing the sensitive skin on the inside of each thigh before moving his mouth to the center. Suddenly, all you could feel was his tongue licking you, and you cried out his name. He slowly pushed two fingers into you while his mouth found your clit and started to tease it, sucking and licking in circles. He moved his fingers in and out, finding the spot that makes your hips buck, and hitting it mercilessly while you moaned until you felt your orgasm rip through you. He kept caressing you while you came down, and then pulled his fingers out, making you whimper. He crawled up your body, kissing your skin the whole way to your mouth, and he groaned as his lips met yours. “You are so beautiful when you come, baby.” You groaned at his words, and at the feeling of him lining himself up at your entrance. He paused and looked down at you, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Are you sure you want this?” You moaned and pulled his head down to yours as you kissed him.

“Dean, yes. Please,” you whimpered, moving your legs to around his waist. He slowly pushed into you, groaning at the feeling. He grabbed your thigh, pulling it even higher, and settling into you even further. He dropped his head into your shoulder, moaning as he started to move in and out of you slowly. The feeling of him inside you was so right, it was as if Dean was built just for you. Your nails were digging into his back, urging him on. As he started moving faster, he moved one hand between you to stroke your hypersensitive clit, and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him even tighter into you. Soon he was moving at a rhythm that had you crying out and begging, and you fell apart around him. He came right after you, his hips stuttering as he released. He collapsed over top of you, panting with you as you both came down. He rolled off to your side, pulling out of you with a groan, and then wrapping his arms around you and kissing your hair. You snuggled into his chest, kissing his collarbone and his neck until he told you to stop or you’d be committing yet another act of indecent exposure before the night is over.

“We have plenty of time for everything we want to do,” he whispered before kissing your forehead.

You stayed like that for a while, until the night air got chilly, and then you got cleaned up and dressed and headed back to the motel. At the door to the room, you kissed Dean like you did your dates in high school, and stopped him from going inside for just a moment.

“Will you be okay if I sleep in Sam’s bed tonight?” Dean grimaced, then nodded.

“As long as I don’t have to hear anything I don’t want to hear.” He planted a kiss on your lips and let you go as he opened the door.

Sam was already asleep, so after you got cleaned up, you crawled into bed with him. When he felt you next to him, he pulled you tight against him and kissed your neck. You smiled as you heard him mumble an “I love you” before his breathing evened back out.


	90. Chapter 90

The next morning, you woke up with Sam wrapped around you, kissing you awake. As soon as you moaned and started to respond, though, he stopped and pulled away, making you whimper unhappily.

“Dean’s in the shower, so we don’t have time right now to do all the things I want to do, babe. Sorry.” Sam kissed your forehead and pulled his body away from yours with a groan. “Dean wants to get going, so I figured I’d better wake you up.” You looked sleepily at Sam, drinking in his sleep-mussed hair, his warm eyes, the stubble on his jaw, and his muscular frame. You enjoyed being able to appreciate him openly, now, and made sure he knew you were looking. You let your eyes linger on the bulge in his boxers and bit your lip. Sam watched your eyes, and then covered himself up with the blanket while he groaned and looked away. “It is so unfair how you can affect me without even touching me, you know?”

“Turnabout is fair play, mister. I’ve been watching you and taking cold showers since the day I met you.” You crawled over to him and gave him a kiss, long and slow, breaking it only when you heard the shower shut off. “All right, you take the shower next, but leave plenty of cold water for me, okay?” Sam chuckled and gave you another quick kiss before the bathroom door opened.

“Deal.” Sam headed into the bathroom as Dean headed out, still damp with just a towel around his waist. As the door closed, you let your eyes roam over Dean’s back and groaned.

“This is so not fair. There are two of you. I’ll never get a break, will I?” Dean turned around and saw you looking him up and down and smirked. He walked over and kissed you, letting his lips linger on yours.

“Honey, even if it was just me, you’d never get a break.” Dean winked at you and went back to getting dressed. “Sam made me promise that after we get back to the bunker I’d go find something to do that’s nowhere near the bunker, so I’m going to go on a supply run and take my time about it.” After he finished pulling on his pants, he turned back to you and kissed you again. “But tonight, it’s you and me. Think you can handle that?” He lips met yours, and you could tell he was holding back, which just made you want more. As you tried to deepen the kiss, he backed away and you groaned. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Dean smirked as he walked away and started packing his bag. Sam came out of the bathroom in much the same way Dean had and you shook your head and sighed.

“All right, then. I guess I’ll spend the drive back making a list of supplies I need simply to distract myself from the two loves of my life in the front seat looking like sex on a stick.” You smiled at both of them while they both blushed and grinned. You gave each one a quick kiss and headed toward your cold shower.

The drive back seemed mercifully short, and you wondered if maybe Dean broke a land speed record. As you got out of the car in the garage, Sam threw you over his shoulder and started carrying you away, leaving Dean to unpack the car. As Sam walked away from Dean, you looked back at him and threw him a kiss, which softened the pained look you saw on his face. You mouthed “I love you” to him and hoped he saw it as Sam turned into the hallway.

Once in his bedroom, Sam shut the door and tossed you on the bed so you landed with a bounce. Before you could regain your equilibrium, he was on the bed next to you, his lips on yours, his hands moving over your body, trying to take off your clothes. Before you knew what was happening, he had gotten your jacket off and was tugging at your top while kissing and licking his way down your chest toward your breasts. A sudden wave of insecurity made you tug on his hair to bring his head up to yours.

“Hey, slow down a minute, okay?” Sam looked a little hurt, but leaned in for a slow kiss. You moaned, which made him deepen the kiss, but you pulled away from him again. You watched as a million emotions passed over Sam’s face, from confusion to insecurity to downright fear. You took his head in your hands and made him look you in the eye. “I love you. Stop worrying. I just need to talk to you about something for a minute before you get me naked, okay?” Sam smiled, but still looked nervous, and nodded.

“I can’t imagine what else we have to talk about, but okay.” Sam swooped in and gave you another kiss, causing you to groan and push him away again with a smile. You looked at him for a moment, studying his face and the changing color of his eyes.

“Have you ever been with a woman who had a child?” Sam’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, and then his brow furrowed in concentration.

“I’m not sure. It’s possible that someone I hooked up with when I lost my soul might have, but I can’t say I was even taking names at the time, much less swapping stories.” Sam looked ashamed, and you put a hand on his cheek.

“I’m asking because I have, and that, well, changes a body.” Sam gave you a confused look and shook his head.

“I can understand that, but I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” You kissed him gently and gave him a soft smile.

“Once you unwrap me, I’m going to look a bit different than the girls you’ve been with in the past.” You looked down at yourself. “I have scars and stretch marks, for one thing.” You weren’t ready to bring your eyes back up to Sam’s face so you couldn’t see his expression. “And don’t get me started on the extra couple of inches that won’t go away no matter how hard I work out.” Sam put a finger under your chin and raised your face until you were looking him in the eyes. He was smiling and you felt the tension leave his body.

“I know. I don’t care. It’s all you. I saw the stretch marks when you showed us your tattoos that night. I don’t remember much else after that, but I remember you telling us about that. And scars? Have you seen me?” Sam chuckles. “Seriously? I could spend the next two hours mapping out all the scars I have just from the hunts I went on with my dad and Dean as kid, much less every hunt and bar fight I’ve been in since I left school. Your scars and marks are all a part of you, and I love you. I love every part of you, even the parts that maybe you don’t love so much.” He put his hand on your stomach and then slid it over to your hip. “And I have been looking forward to unwrapping you and seeing all of you for far too long.” You smiled at him, and he pulled you against him again, his lips meeting yours, his tongue searching your mouth until you wrapped your arms around him, tangled your fingers in his hair, and moaned.

He took his time undressing you, following his hands with his mouth as he bared your skin. Soon, your shirt was gone, and he was unzipping your jeans while you kicked off your shoes. When he had you down to just your bra and panties, you grabbed at his shirt, impatiently unbuttoning buttons until he grabbed the hem, pulled it over his head, and sent it flying across the room. As your lips met again, you fumbled with his jeans until he backed away from the bed, kicking off his shoes and stepping out of his jeans. You stood next to him, eyes drinking in every detail of him for a moment before you slid your fingertips into the waistband of his boxers and slowly pushed them down his thighs until they dropped to the floor. He stepped out of them while you ran your hands back up his legs and his chest, teasing him by not touching his already hard cock, admiring the look and feel of every part of him. You placed a kiss in the center of his chest and then reached up to meet his lips as he slid his hands from your shoulders down your back and undid your bra. As your bra joined his shirt, he picked you up and laid you down on the bed, laying down next to you with his knee between your legs and his cock pressed against your hip. His hand kneaded your breast while his mouth left a trail of kisses and licks down your neck to your other breast before he took your nipple in his mouth and teased it until you moaned his name. You tugged on his hair until he looked up at you. You brought your mouth down to his, and then grabbed his shoulders and pushed him until he was on his back and you were on top of him. Sam looked up at you with surprise and you smirked at him.

“What? Never had a woman strong enough to flip you before?” He groaned in a way that could only be described as lustfully and pulled you up so he could kiss you, his tongue dancing with yours.

“You have no idea how hot you are when you get all kickass. Watching you work out, throwing your partner around the workout room, has been a huge turn on.” His hands ran up and down your back and then kneaded your breasts while you moved until you were straddling his hips, your still covered core pressing against the hardness of his groin. You moved your hips against him, feeling him rubbing against your clit, and you both moaned. You started kissing down his chest from his neck, giving special attention to his nipples until you felt his fingers digging into your skin. When you reached his navel, you ran your hands over his hips, enjoying the feel of his cock against your chest. You slid lower, and took him in your hand, placing a kiss on his already wet tip, then slowly pushing your lips down around him and swirling your tongue around the head. Sam’s hips jerked and he groaned your name like a prayer. You cupped his balls in one hand while the other wrapped around his shaft, moving up and down with your lips. It wasn’t long before Sam pulled you off of him with a strangled moan.

“You are way too good at that.” His arms held you to his chest like a vice as he devoured your lips with his, nibbling and sucking on your bottom lip. His hands moved down your back and slid between your ass and your panties, pushing them down. Suddenly, he flipped you both so he was again on top of you, and pulled away long enough to pull your panties down your legs and send them to join the pile of clothes on the floor. When he turned back to you, he ran his hands up your legs, moving them apart and settling in between them. He kissed the inside of each thigh until you whined and begged for more. When he felt he had teased you enough, he licked at the apex of your thighs, sliding his tongue along your folds, and ending with a swipe at your clit. You tried to buck your hips, but he held them down. He moaned as his lips met your clit again, this time sucking at it, the vibrations making you gasp and cry out. He slowly pushed one finger inside of you while he worked your clit with his tongue and his lips, flicking and sucking. You felt like you were going to explode at any moment, the tension in your stomach building with every swipe of his tongue. He pulled his finger out, then pushed two inside of you, and started thrusting in and out with a slow rhythm. You gripped the sheets with one hand and with the other hand, you squeezed the arm he was using to hold your hips in place. You were moaning almost continuously as he worked you with his fingers and his mouth until you completely fell apart, crying out his name as the waves of pleasure ripped through you.

As you came down from your high, he moved up you, trailing kisses up your stomach until he was laying between your legs, suckling on one nipple while kneading the other breast and teasing the other nipple with his fingers. You felt shocks go from your breasts to between your thighs as your oversensitive nerves responded to his touch. He shifted his hips so he was pressing his hard length against your core, and you moved your legs to around his waist to get him closer to where you wanted him. He rocked against you, teasing your clit until you begged him to stop teasing you. He lifted his head and pulled himself up enough so he could claim your lips with his, his tongue thrusting into your mouth while he lined himself up and pushed into you.

You both moaned when he was finally seated all the way inside you. He looked into your eyes before giving you a gentle kiss and whispering, “I love you.” You whispered it back to him, and he started moving, very slowly, until you begged him to go faster. He picked up the pace, and you dug your heels into his back to urge him on. It didn’t take long for you to feel yourself coming close to the edge again, and when he moved one hand in between you to finger your clit, you came around him immediately. You cried out his name, which seemed to be all he needed to hear to reach his own climax. As you both came down, he pulled out of you with a groan, eliciting a whimper from you, too. He collapsed next to you, wrapping one arm around you and pulling you against him.

“That was everything I wanted last night to be, if we had had the time.” Sam smiled and you chuckled.

“Hey, don’t knock last night! I enjoyed last night!” You leaned up and kissed him gently. “I love you, Sam.”

“I love you, too, Myka.”


	91. Chapter 91

That night, Dean cooked a fabulous dinner for the three of you, and you got a taste of what life as a trio would be like. While Dean was cooking, you set the table, and he snuck kisses with you and touched you whenever you passed near him. During dinner, you sat at the end of the table with the boys across from each other next to you, each one pressing their knee against yours. Sam helped you clean up, when he wasn’t kissing your neck or finding excuses to put his hands on you while putting away dishes. After the cleanup was done, Sam headed into the library to do some research, and you looked for Dean, finding him in his room. You gave him a kiss, and pulled on his shirt until he followed you into your room and shut the door behind him.

“I figure it’s safer in here with a whole room between mine and Sam’s tonight. Agreed?” You looked up at Dean with a twinkle in your eye. Dean looked up at the ceiling and around at the walls.

“Yeah, these walls are surprisingly thin. Don’t want Sam to get jealous if I can make you scream louder than he can.” Dean gave you a smirk and swooped in for a kiss, but you backed away from it.

“Whoa. What?” You raised your eyebrows and put your hands on your hips. Dean faltered, knowing he obviously screwed up somehow, but not quite sure how. “Do you think this is some kind of competition that one of you is going to win?” Dean sat down on the bed and closed his eyes, letting his head hang down to his chest for a moment.

“I’m sorry. This is just all new to me. While I understand in my head what’s going on, and while my heart is okay with it, I guess old habits die hard when it comes to the practicality of it.” You sat down next to him, put an arm around him and rested your head on his shoulder. Dean took a deep breath and looked at you. “I got home a little early today, I guess. Heard a little of you and Sam before I beat a retreat to the kitchen. I had some mixed feelings, to say the least.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I want to keep you two as separate as I can, because something tells me that neither one of you is into sharing someone you love.” Dean gave you a quick kiss.

“That’s just it, I think. If I didn’t love you, if it was just sex, it wouldn’t be a problem. I mean, it was kind of hot, at first.” You blushed and Dean gave you a smirk. “Hey, I can’t help it. I love those noises you make, and apparently it doesn’t matter if I’m not the reason you’re making them.” Dean gave you a passionate kiss, and then backed away again. “But then it just felt weird, because it’s my brother, and I want him to be happy, and I want you to be happy, but I kind of want to be the one making you, you know, happy, and I don’t think I want anything to do with, you know, making my brother, you know, happy…” Dean trailed off with a sour face and you giggled.

“So, not up for a threesome with your brother, huh?” You felt your face get hot, and bit your lip to try and stop the giggle that was threatening to escape. Dean paused for a moment longer than you expected before he answered.

“I don’t know.” You thought your jaw might unhinge.  _He doesn’t know???_

“Um, what?” You looked at Dean, searching his face. He turned pink, and shifted nervously.

“Well, I got to thinking about this afternoon, and I can completely understand why you would want that, seeing as you’re the one in love with two people, so I thought about it. I mean, I’ve done it before, just not with my little brother, you know? And then I got to thinking about how Sam might feel about it, and based on his reactions the few times he’s caught me with my pants down over the years, I don’t think he’d be interested, so I left it at that.” He smiled and chuckled at the memory. “I told him it was a natural act between consenting adults, but he acted like he’d been scarred for life.” He put up his hands in front of his face and mimicked his brother’s sour face until you laughed.

“Okay, so that answers that question. I agree that I don’t think Sam would go for that, just based on a gut feeling I have. And, for the record, I have never had a threesome, and I’m not sure what I’d do if you both said you wanted to have one because you are both overwhelming enough on your own for this girl.” You blushed and elbowed Dean while you looked away, shyly. Dean sat up a little straighter and smirked, proudly. “So that’s for you and your brother to discuss, and I’ll cross that bridge if you take me to it. But, back to the question at hand. Are you seeing this as a kind of competition between you and your brother? Because if either of you do, then I have a problem with that. Besides the fact that I already worry I won’t be able to keep up with you two, if you guys decide you have to one up each other, I might not survive.”  You put on a melodramatic air. “I mean, death by orgasm sounds nice on paper, but I’d rather live!” You smiled and laughed and put your hands on Dean’s face and gave him a long kiss. He pulled you into his lap so you were straddling him and wrapped his arms around you, crushing you to him while his tongue searched your mouth. After a moment, he pulled away and looked at you seriously.

“I thought that one of the benefits of you dating an angel was that he didn’t sleep?” Dean looked down to hide his eyes from you while you sat back in shock. “I mean, if you could keep up with an angel, then a couple of men should be nothing, I’d think.” You froze for a moment, trying to comprehend what you were hearing. Suddenly, it hit you. Your conversation with Charlie after you and Cas had split. Dean had apparently heard the one part you had hoped he wouldn’t hear. You groaned and buried your face in Dean’s shoulder.

“You heard what I said to Charlie on Sam’s birthday.” Dean nodded. You took a deep breath, pulled your face out of his shoulder, and looked Dean square in eyes.

“You know how guys talk in the locker room?” Dean looked puzzled, but nodded. “Well, sometimes girls talk like that in the kitchen. And the bathroom. And the bar when we’re having a girls’ night out. Whatever is said is generally one part truth, nine parts exaggeration. And yes, the next time Charlie and I get together, you and Sam will definitely be up for discussion, and I will be sure to say something equally flattering about you and Sam.” You smiled and chuckled, and Dean started to relax, but you could see he still wasn’t happy. “I see you thinking. Talk to me. What’s got you bothered about me and Cas?” Dean rubbed your back, thinking slowly, then ran a hand through his hair and huffed.

“He’s an angel. He gave you things I can’t even comprehend.” The pain in Dean’s eyes made your heart break. “He could read your mind and anticipate your every move, your every need, your every desire. He could give you a slice of freaking Heaven, Myka. You guys speak a language that’s all your own, and a few others, besides. He could talk to you about ruins in Greece and go to church with you on Christmas Eve, and you can’t tell me he didn’t make you happy in bed, because I heard you, remember? I’m a screw up who didn’t even graduate high school who gets by on credit card fraud and luck. When you’re in the library with Sam or Cas, I only understand about half of what comes out of your mouth. And if I could read your mind, we would have been together before Christmas instead of wasting all of that time being apart.” You caressed his face, waiting for him to get everything out. “I just don’t see what you see in me when you could have him.” Dean’s eyes finally met yours and you kissed him softly.

“First of all, you’re no more of a screw up than the rest of us. Did you forget what you told me about Cas trying to be God for a while, and then unleashing Leviathans on the world? Cas isn’t perfect. And he’s certainly not perfect for me. He was a substitute for you. And whether you have a piece of paper saying so or not, you’re one of the smartest people I know. When you talk about cars and hunts, I barely understand a word that comes out of  _your_  mouth. Dean, everything I ever needed to know about you, I learned in the first 24 hours. All I did was look at your car, look at your brother, and then watch you save me. You have this huge heart, and you’re so passionate about everything, and even if you’re afraid, you do what you think is right, and damn the consequences. I’m in love with you, not Cas. Cas and I will always be close, and I’m going to need you to understand that and accept it, because that won’t change. But Cas doesn’t make my heart flutter when he smiles. Cas doesn’t make my heart break when he’s sad or angry. Cas can’t make me want to rip his clothes off just by giving me a look from across the room. You do those things to me, Dean, not Cas. Do you understand?” Dean searched your face while you spoke, and a faint smile finally ghosted across his lips.

“Just a look from across the room, huh?” Dean smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, hell, yeah! Cooking with you was torture. All those hours in a hot kitchen with you looking sexy as hell in a freaking t-shirt…and the looks you were throwing back my way on the drive home this morning? I had to stop looking at you!” You smiled, and Dean’s lips crashed into yours. When he finally let up, you caressed his face and ran your fingers through his hair again, scratching his scalp lightly. “I don’t want to come between you and your brother. And I think you two need to have a talk about what you guys can handle about all of this. Like this afternoon, for example. If you can’t handle hearing me and Sam, or he can’t handle hearing me and you, then we have to rearrange things so that doesn’t happen anymore.” Dean nodded. “So, you guys talk and let me know what the limits are, okay?”

“Okay. Can we stop talking about everyone else, now, and get back to just you and me for a little while?” Dean smiled and his eyes fell to your lips while one of his hands moved to cup your ass and the other tangled in your hair. You nodded, feeling your heart start to race as his lips met yours.


	92. Chapter 92

Life as a trio in the bunker was idyllic, to say the least. Sam loved pushing aside whatever he was working on in the library and taking you on the table whenever you’d whisper in his ear in Latin or Greek. Dean claimed he loved you more than pie after you pulled him out from underneath Baby one day and made him purr like Baby’s engine. Dean loved coming up behind you in the kitchen and doing his best to distract you from cooking by letting his hands wander under your clothes. Your heart melted when Sam told you that his favorite thing to do was wake up in the morning next to you and kiss you awake.

The trio lifestyle didn’t last long, though. It was after about six months together that your trysts with Sam in the library slowly ended and he stopped visiting your bedroom every chance he got. By your first anniversary, you and Dean had moved into a slightly larger bedroom near the other side of the bunker’s dorm area, and Sam was seeing a hunter named Beth. You and Sam still loved each other, but it had settled into a more platonic relationship, while you and Dean still couldn’t get enough of each other. On your 38th birthday, Cas married you and Dean, with just Charlie, Sam and Beth in attendance, in the field where you and Dean had first made love. That night, Dean growled, “ _Mine,_ ” into your skin as he kissed your body all over.

You spent your 39th birthday feeling under the weather, with Dean doting on you constantly, since you being sick was so rare. When it lasted for more than a week, he insisted on calling Cas to heal you. As soon as Cas looked at you and smiled, you knew you weren’t sick. A knife of fear and panic ripped into your heart as you realized you were pregnant. Your mind raced, wondering how this could have happened. You had taken the ultimate precaution, and yet here you were, pregnant. Cas tried to reassure you that he felt the child was healthy, but you still cried. Dean held you and rocked you and told you that whatever happened, you would get through it together, but you still cried. Dean took you to Missouri, who tried to reassure you that this child was meant to be, and would be the light in your life you deserved after all the darkness. You tried to smile, but you still cried. Dean dragged you to St. Louis to see Susan, who showered you with blessings, gave you crystals and charms to ward off evil, and also told you she felt the child was strong and full of light. But at night, sometimes, you still cried. You pictured Dean’s face when the baby didn’t survive. You pictured the tiniest funeral pyre for the tiniest hunter’s funeral.

When you were about six months along, Dean was beginning to decorate the bedroom next to yours as a nursery, and was always bringing home another cute baby thing every time he left the bunker. You had managed to find some hope, finally, but still couldn’t bring yourself to start planning for the baby’s arrival. One day, you were in the grocery store with Dean, and you found yourself in the baby aisle, just staring at the diapers and ointments and powders in a panic. Dean had gone off to search for ready-made pie crusts, since rolling out dough with a bowling ball in your belly was getting impossible. As you stood there, unable to move for the fear that had momentarily gripped your heart, you heard a voice beside you.

“It’s a scary thing, bringing a child into this world, isn’t it?”

You looked over to see a bearded man with dark, but slightly greying wavy hair, and the kindest eyes you had ever seen. He smiled up at you gently as you nodded to him.

“Do you have children?”

“Quite a few, actually. In the early days, I tried so hard to plan everything out for them. I wanted to keep them safe and protect them. But, eventually, I learned that they needed to follow their own plan, and their plan was better than mine, anyway. Now, all I can do is just try to guide them when they ask for guidance and hope for the best.”

You both stood there for a moment, not saying a word. He quietly took your hand in his, and put his other hand on your protruding belly. You felt an almost familiar warm tingle from his hands, and he smiled at you as you turned to look at him with confusion.

“Myka, you can stop being afraid. This child is blessed. I promise you.” He smiled and you couldn’t help but smile back in amazement.

“Honey, I can’t find the crusts you had the coupon for, so I picked up these other ones. I hope they’re okay.” You turned to your husband, as he walked down the long aisle towards you, and you saw a look of recognition on his face as he got a glimpse of your new friend. “Chuck? Is that you?” You both turned around, but the man had disappeared around the corner of the aisle. Dean ran after him, but it was clear he was gone by the time he got there. Dean came back to you, shaking his head. “I could have sworn that was Chuck. I mean, it’s been years since we saw him, but he still looked the same.” You smiled at Dean and gave him a kiss.

“So, God’s name is Chuck, huh?” Dean looked at you, confused.

“God? No, no, no. Chuck was a prophet. He wrote those stupid books. I was never happier than when he  _stopped_  writing those stupid books.” Dean grabbed the cart and started pushing it down the aisle. You paused for a moment, then picked out a package of newborn diapers, and tossed it in the cart. Dean saw what you did, and gave you a big smile.


	93. Chapter 93

The last three months of your pregnancy were filled with decorating and doctor visits and picking out baby names. You dragged both Dean and Cas to Lamaze classes, and laughed at the faces they made when it came time to watch the video. Dean said it looked like an unholy mess, and he’d seen less gore in a ghoul’s nest. Cas said it was beautiful, but a bit barbaric, and he couldn’t figure out why humans hadn’t figured out a better way, yet. You reassured both of them that you would probably be having another C-section, since that’s how your last pregnancy had ended. Cas thought that somehow cutting the child out of your body seemed even more barbaric, but possibly less messy. In the last few weeks, you were so huge you could barely move without assistance, and Dean spent even more time talking directly to your belly. He would talk about cars and music and hunting, and loved just holding your belly and feeling the baby kick.

You had insisted on a hospital birth, in spite of the chance of supernatural happenings, and you pitched a fit at the hospital staff when they claimed you couldn’t have both Dean and Cas in the delivery room. Apparently, your eyes flashed that blazing grey/blue, and the nurse you were dressing down decided they could make an exception. Cas was there to ensure that if anything supernatural happened, he could handle it. While you were in labor, Cas did his best to keep your pain at a minimum without being obvious, and put visions of Heaven into your mind when the doctors prepped you for surgery. As your daughter was born, one nurse remarked at the changing color of her eyes, but all you noticed was the sound of her crying. She was crying! She was alive!

While the doctors finished closing you up, you watched the nurse hand your child over to Dean. The look on his face as he smiled down at his daughter caught your heart and brought tears to your eyes. He brought her over to you, and kissed your forehead while you marveled at her. She had her daddy’s green eyes, but every so often they would flash a greyish blue like yours.

Cas wanted to heal you as soon as you were out of the delivery room, but you had to explain to him that the doctors and nurses might get suspicious. He very patiently waited until you were released from the hospital, healing you in the car on the ride home. You named your baby girl MaryJo, a mix of Mary and John, after Dean’s parents. It wasn’t long before you caught her wiggling her finger and making her mobile spin. You put Susan on speed dial after that, asking constant questions about how to deal with a toddler who could bend reality around her. Sam and Beth found a house not too far from the bunker and moved out, joking that a crying baby was crimping their style, but you suspected you’d see a ring on Beth’s finger soon. Sure enough, Cas was marrying them about six months later, with a barely-showing but pregnant Beth by his side.

In the years that followed, you and Beth turned the bunker into a hub of information gathering and distribution for hunters all over the country. Beth would look for hunts and call hunters to see who could take them, while those same hunters called you for information. The Men of Letters were back in full force, though you swore you’d have to find a better name, since you and Beth were running it. A couple of years after MaryJo was born, Sheriff Mills called the boys for a hunt in her neck of the woods, and when Dean came home, he was carrying a four-year old boy and a newborn! The mother had died in childbirth during the hunt, and the four-year old, named Thomas, had bonded to Dean so completely, Dean had to let Sam drive home because the child wouldn’t let him go. The mother’s last words had been to ask Dean to protect her children, and Sheriff Mills had no problem settling the paperwork. You named the baby Bobby, since the mother hadn’t had a chance to. Thomas completely doted on MaryJo and Bobby, and soon was calling you Mama. Cas thought the kids were the most fun he’d ever had, and was a most excellent babysitter when you and Dean needed a break.

Eventually, the kids grew up, and you had an almost empty nest with your husband again. MaryJo became a fearsome hunter, using her magic and strength to defeat pretty much anything she came across. Thomas became an accountant, doing everything he could to get the Winchester ways on the right side of legal. Bobby eventually took over in the bunker with Sam’s kids, giving you and Beth a chance to retire.

One Christmas morning, you sat with Dean watching a whole crowd of people sitting around the tree and talking happily. Your kids, Sam and Beth, their kids, Charlie and her wife, and Cas with his new bonded human. You sighed happily and settled into the crook of Dean’s arm. Dean looked down at you and smiled.

“She was right.”

“Who was right?” You looked up at him and he couldn’t help but steal another kiss.

“Missouri. She told us that if we took care of you, you’d save us. If you had told me all of this was possible when I was MaryJo’s age, I would have laughed in your face… right before I punched you in the neck.” You chuckled and swatted Dean in the chest. Dean looked down at you and smiled. “Love you.” He kissed you, and you felt the same thrill you had felt all those years before when he kissed you the first time.

“Love you, too.”


End file.
